


should i have known that you would take hold (and never let go)

by theprodigypenguin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Blood and Injury, Bodyguard AU, Boys Kissing, Commissioner!Kingsley, Consensual, Consensual Sex, Crushes, Explicit Sexual Content, Fist Fights, Fluff, Get Together, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insomnia, Kissing, M/M, Medication, Minor Violence, Muggle AU, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Police, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rich - Freeform, Romance, Scars, Scotland Yard, Sexual Content, Stabbing, Stalking, Therapy, Violence, bed sharing, burn scars, character taking pills for depression/panic/anxiety/etc, detective inspector, james is technically a sugar daddy, sleeping medication, talk of terrorism and terrorist attacks, unprotected snuggling, wealthy potter family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:13:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 70,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprodigypenguin/pseuds/theprodigypenguin
Summary: James Potter likes to play the field when it comes to matters of the heart, inviting home men he hardly knows just to feel less lonely for a moment. As the oldest son and heir to his father's company, expectations and scrutiny are unavoidable. Giving himself up to someone, even under the guise of a lie, is his only escape. Yet his desire for acceptance leads to unpredicted circumstances that call for him to open his home and his heart for his own protection.Teddy Lupin lost his job two years ago, leading him down a path with no direction. Left with scars and trauma, all he truly wants is his old job back. The last thing he expected was for the richest man in London to offer him a job protecting his oldest son. Less expected than that, was how charming and irresistible he was. Though it was the last thing Teddy planned, in the end maybe a kindhearted heir with a protective heart of gold was exactly what he needed to move on.title song: push my luck - the chainsmokers
Relationships: Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter
Comments: 48
Kudos: 120





	1. i close my eyes from the fear (from the light)

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic was supposed to be posted for this year's jeddyfest. Unfortunately it wasn't finished in time, so I wasn't able to post it when I wanted to. I hope the late posting doesn't disappoint anyone. I put a lot of work into this fic, so I hope it paid off and turned out okay. At the very least I hope it's decent, yknow.
> 
> Thank you to shipperysails-bookofspells for being the beta on this fic. It was really long, and I know it was a real pain to work on, just added stress you didn't need, but I very much appreciate your help.
> 
> Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

“Showing up in a newspaper article is inevitable, isn’t it? Considering the influential reach our family has.” James Potter asked the question to his father, who was connected in a phone call that rang over the bluetooth in his car, handless so he didn’t have to let go of the steering wheel to hold the phone to his ear. Just one of the many specs he loved about his car.

His father didn’t seem to agree with the sentiment though. “I’ve tried to keep all of you out of the media, and now you go and pull this publicity stunt—”

“It wasn’t a publicity stunt!” James laughed, eyeing the road and shaking his head. “You worry too much, dad.”

“I trust you, and I trust you to keep out of trouble, keep yourself safe, but—”

“Dad honestly, there are paparazzi outside my flat at all times, they were gonna catch me doing something eventually. Besides, why is this such a big deal?” James swallowed the lump in his throat, waiting for Harry to respond.

“Because they made it a big deal, James. Everything we do is up for scrutiny, and you’re the oldest.” James rolled his eyes with a sigh as Harry continued. “Your mother and I are fine with this, we’ve known for a while. You told us years before this article came out and we knew years before that, but consumers might not take it well. Society may be more open minded now, but there are still people around who might shun you for it.”

“Dad.” James breathed, stopping at a light and removing one hand from the wheel to rub the heel of his wrist into his eyes. “I don’t care what the media says about me. What’s the matter with it?” He waved his hand forward as if his father could see him. “It’s not like I’m the first wealthy bloke to have been caught shacking up with another bloke!”

“James.” Harry drew the name out slowly as if in warning, and James slumped against the back of his seat, pouting. “Your mum and I support you and whatever you do, so long as you’re happy and safe, and taking care of yourself, but this is different.”

“Wouldn’t be different if it was a broad,” James mumbled, and Harry raised his voice.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” James bit. “Anyway Al’s the same! You’re not chewing him out for being with Scorpius!”

“That’s different—”

“How is that different?!”

“Because Albus isn’t studying to take over as CEO once I’ve decided to retire! Albus isn’t the next head of this company!”

“Yeah, as if Harry Potter would retire.”

“Listen—”

“No, dad—”

“Yes, James!” James winced at how angry his father sounded, gritting his teeth as Harry audibly sighed. “Listen, just… slow down a bit. Focus on your studies and your work, stop going out to clubs and bringing home… friends.”

James scoffed and looked over into the passenger seat where a newspaper was sitting, reaching over to pick it up and look at the black and white picture on the front that showed him kissing a man at the sidewalk in front of his flat; just some guy he met at a bar when he was half-intoxicated and decided to bring home for the night. The headline above the picture made James seeth: **_“Deviant Enterprise Heir Caught Snogging Unknown Fellow Outside £4 Mil. London Flat."_ **

_Deviant._ What was this, the 1980s? On that note, what did the price of his flat have to do with anything? The paparazzi at this point were just looking for things to demonize James for.

He tossed the paper back onto the seat when he heard the car behind him honk, driving forward through the green light.

“Did you hear me?” Harry asked, and James rubbed his lips together before responding.

“Whatever.”

“Don’t give me the attitude, I’m just worried about you.”

“It’s not like I can get pregnant,” James scoffed, really just to get a rise out of his father, and it worked, if Harry’s frustrated groan was any indicator.

“Christ.” James grinned and Harry snapped. “I want you to keep your head down until this blows over, alright? Keep going to your classes. I don’t want you missing any days, but other than that, please just stay home?”

“I can’t even hang out with my friends? That’s cruel.”

“Just until the media calms down. I trust you, but people can be unpredictable.”

“Aren’t I a little too old to be getting grounded?”

“No.”

James pouted at the quick response, he almost wanted to fold his arms indignantly. Instead he heaved a sigh. “Alright, I’ll… keep it in my pants till the paps finally fuck out of my neighborhood. For the record, though, I think you and mum are overreacting. What could possibly happen from me being outed? Not that I’m happy about it.” He mumbled the last part low enough that Harry wouldn’t hear it.

Truthfully he was upset at being outed by some shitty newspaper article. He’d told his family already, they’d known for years, but he’d already made the decision to try and keep his personal and romantic life out of the limelight.

The Potter family already got a lot of media attention because of the family business that his great, great grandfather started up after one of the world wars. They were a Pharmaceutical Company that specialized in the creation and distribution of medical and dermatological products. On the side they supported other business enterprises, Parliament, and Scotland Yard. They had their thumbs in a lot of pies, to put it simply, and they weren’t in any need of money.

Their large reach, influence, and wealth made the family susceptible to scrutiny and negativity. The media grappled for any story they could use against them because that’s just what humans did. James understood that, and it really never used to bother him. He’d rather be the focus of outcry and bashing than letting one of his younger siblings or cousins get in the crossfire of the attention. Still, his sexuality, while not something he was ashamed of, was something he never wanted to make public. Not like this, anyway. It was really no wonder Harry was worried.

People were cruel after all. Even if his family accepted him, the rest of the country would either see him as a beacon for the struggling youth, or proof that his family was full of “deviants” and not to be trusted. It may have been a worst case scenario, but their business could start losing support simply because James was gay.

He didn’t want to think of how bad things would be if people picked up on the fact Albus was the same, and already in a relationship with his childhood sweetheart. Albus had always been one of the stranger ones, and the media had tried to single him out before because of how different he was compared to the rest of his “properly posh” family. James didn’t want to know what would happen if Albus had been outed instead of him.

With that in mind, James began to relax, sighing in acceptance as he turned a corner. “I’m hanging up now. I’m not supposed to be on the phone when I’m driving.”

“You’re driving? Why’d you answer my call then?”

“If I hadn’t you would’ve sent security on my arse.”

“I am not that bad!”

“Yeah, because you’ve never pleaded with Lily to get a bodyguard to follow her to her games.”

“That’s different!”

“I’m still driving, dad.”

“Bloody hell,” Harry cursed, and James snorted. “Fine, hang up. Don’t answer if you’re driving, I’ve told you a million times!”

“What are you gonna do, hire me a driver so I don’t crash into a Five Guys?”

“You know what, I might!”

James laughed, pulling up to his flat. “I’m home now.”

“Good. Remember what I said. Just… be careful.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen, dad, honestly.”

“I said my piece,” Harry said as James unbuckled, folding his arms on top of the steering wheel. “Get some sleep, eat dinner, do your homework, brush your teeth.”

“Yeah, yeah.” James reached over to hang up the call, Harry kept talking.

“And floss!”

“Okay, dad, goodnight!” James laughed. “Love you and mum both.”

“We love you too.”

He hung up after that, shutting the car off and grabbing his phone from where it was mounted on the dashboard. James slung his bag over his shoulder, locking his car and retrieving his mail from the post box bolted beside his front door. He tucked it under his arm as he unlocked the door, and his eyes swept around the front yard looking for suspicious figures holding cameras. It wasn’t like he was doing anything scandalous right now, but he still felt paranoid.

James didn’t see anyone lurking in clear view, but there were a lot of bushes, trees, cars and other houses surrounding his place. A lot of places paparazzi could be hiding. So James gave a dazzling smile, just to give them something to photograph, and entered his house. He locked and bolted the door behind him, not bothering to open the curtains. If the press rats wanted to take pictures, they could take pictures of the door.

He dropped his bags into a chair and picked up the television remote to turn on the news, then stepped into the kitchen adjacent to the living room. He set the mail on the island counter, barely listening to the broadcast; something about Scotland Yard investigating a string of bombings?

James flipped through his mail lazily, most of it anticipated magazine subscriptions and bills. There was also another newspaper with him snogging a stranger on the front (straight in the bin that went), a pamphlet about new football gear that he set aside for Lily, letters from old friends, and a postcard from his grandmother who was visiting Romania. On the bottom of the pile James found a large, bulky yellow envelope secured with two metal clasps and tape.

This caught James’ attention almost immediately, and he leaned his elbows against the counter as he turned the envelope around a few times. It certainly had some weight to it, and on the front of it was his name, James Sirius Potter, written in big bold black lettering; but no address, no return address and no stamp. There was nothing showing it had been mailed, so James’ first assumption was that someone had just come up and shoved it into the post box.

It was suspicious, but James didn’t feel too alarmed as he tore the envelope open. He reached in and pulled out a stack of what felt like smooth construction paper. When he got it out on the counter, he nearly stopped breathing.

It appeared to be a stack of photographs, tied together neatly with a piece of twine, a yellow sticky note stuck on the top photo. James pulled that off first, feeling a million different things as he read the messy scrawl: _“Just wanted to show you how pretty you look in photographs.”_

James looked down at the stack of photos, putting the note aside and fumbling to untie the twine so he could pick up the pile and look through them. Like the note had implied, each of the photographs were of him simply going about his day to day life. Grocery shopping, driving his car, walking through a crowd. There were even photos of him at one of his sister’s games and walking up to his parents house for their weekly dinners. There were photos of him at his campus, walking down halls and sitting in lectures looking bored to death.

They were voyeuristic, taken from a distance. James was looking away in every single one, clearly having no idea that someone was photographing him. This person, or people, were following him. To his parents' house and to his University. They had been sitting in during his class lectures, following his car and taking pictures of it from a different vehicle. Stalking him. There were even pictures of his house, during the day and at night where the windows were lit up gold. James didn’t know how he felt.

Violated, to be sure, but wasn’t this just what the paparazzi did? Follow you around and take pictures of you? James was used to that, but the note that came with the envelope made it seem so much more… sinister.

James wasn’t shy, he knew he wasn’t bad looking. He wasn’t exactly vain, but he wasn’t afraid to flaunt his looks now and then either. He liked getting compliments on his appearance, liked it when people called him pretty or handsome, liked it when people said he looked so much like his mum or his dad, or one of his uncles or grandparents. Yet this felt different. Maybe it was the unsteady handwriting, or the fact the photos had been taken against his will. It felt wrong.

Whoever this person was, James didn’t want to be “pretty” to them.

Maybe it was just a prank, though. Or paparazzi trying to scare him after he was outed. Maybe they figured if they could freak him out enough, it would just make another good story. James wasn’t going to let them have the satisfaction of riling him up or scaring him. He shoved all the photos and the note back into the envelope, but instead of throwing it away he opened the drawer beside him and dropped it in.

After that was dealt with, he was too emotionally exhausted to make himself dinner, so he ordered a pizza and dropped onto the couch to watch television and try to forget about the photos.

He must have fallen asleep, because when he woke up it was pitch black inside his living room, save the light from the screen. James only wondered what woke him up for a moment before his home phone rang again, bringing a groan from his throat as he rubbed a hand over his face. He dragged himself to his feet, squinting at the wall clock that read past one in the morning.

James plucked the phone from the wall receiver and put it to his ear, rubbing the sleepers from his eyes as he yawned. “Who’s calling me at one in the morning? Fred if this is you fucking with me because you got drunk in Bristol again, I swear I am not bloody picking you up _again.”_

At first there was nothing; a stretched out silence from the other line. James heard a deep inhale, followed by a quiet, husky male voice. “Did you get the envelope?”

James tensed and took a sharp intake of breath, dropping his hand as the other gripped the phone. It took him a moment to gather himself from the shock of being ripped out of dead sleep only to talk on the phone with the very person who sent him those voyeuristic photos.

“Look, I don’t know who this is, but it’s one in the morning, I don’t have time for prank calls. I’m bloody tired.”

Again there was a long stretch of nothing, until the voice spoke again. “You have morning classes, I remember.” James felt a chill prick at his exposed skin. “Did you like the pictures?”

James was beginning to feel frantic now, but he didn’t answer. He slammed the phone back in place to hang up, breathing unevenly. He backed away from the wall and fumbled to open the drawer so he could drag out the envelope. The phone began to ring again and he jumped, dropping the envelope and watching as the photos spilled across the kitchen floor.

James staggered to the phone and picked it off the wall, as if part of him thought it really would be Fred in Bristol. “Who is it?”

Silence, then the voice. “Why did you hang up, James?” This time the chill was from something other than the cold. “All I wanted was to hear your voice. Don’t hang up on me again.”

“Bloody fucker, bugger the fuck off!” James slammed the phone down again, but wasn’t two steps away when it rang once more. He was shaking physically by then, spinning on his heel and nearly screaming into the phone when he grabbed it. “Fuck you! Fuck! What the fuck do you want with me?!”

“Jamie James!” A heavily slurred, familiar voice spoke, and James held his breath as he braced himself against the wall.

“Freddie?”

“Heyyyyy. _”_ Fred Weasley drew out the “y” in his greeting, clearly intoxicated, and James shook his head.

“Did you get dumped after a bar crawl again?”

“Yeaaaah, can you come pick me up, my dearest most lovely cousin?”

James was about to say no as he turned, eyes stopping on the photographs strewn over the tile and holding his breath as he shut his eyes. “Where are you? I’ll come get you and bring you home.”

“You’re the beeeest.”

After getting the address from the bartender, because Fred had absolutely no idea where he was, James hung up. He shuffled his feet as he retrieved his coat from the chair and grabbed his keys and his cellphone. He didn’t look back as he headed for his front door, but the phone was ringing as he shut it behind him.

James had something of a sixth sense when it came to people’s intentions. He could usually figure out if someone was good or just trouble, and the man on the phone… there was still a chance it could just be a joke, but James wasn’t going to bet on it.

Maybe it was just a one time thing. Maybe after tonight, James wouldn’t hear from that man ever again, and everything would go back to normal.

That’s what he was hoping, but he had no idea just how bad things would get.


	2. i’m struggling to exist (with you and without you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

**— One Year Later —**

* * *

Psychologists say that it’s important to see your reflection. They believed it helped an individual develop a sense of self or shift the perspective one might have of oneself. It was supposed to help you connect with yourself, make you less socially awkward, and ground a person in their body. The therapists and doctors all told Teddy that it was supposed to help. He should have been able to look into a mirror and make a connection between his face and his mind. Teddy wasn’t so sure about the validity of whatever study led psychologists to that conclusion.

He was standing in his bathroom after a morning shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, leaning his hands against the sides of his sink and staring into the mirror above it. He’d been staring for so long that the condensation had faded off, yet he couldn’t seem to see anything he recognized. Part of him thought that was a good thing.

His hair was faded blue, and the roots were its natural tawny brown; he’d have to re-dye it soon. The shadows under his eyes told sagas of bad dreams and sleepless nights brought on by chronic insomnia. There was a mark on the left side of his neck that his eyes inevitably landed on. It used to be an intricate crescent moon, but was now rough, distorted, ugly skin that Teddy hated to look at.

Teddy was supposed to feel normal, wasn’t he? It had been almost two years since the incident. He was supposed to be able to connect his mind with his body, see himself and recognize his face. While he logically knew the reflection was him, he couldn’t seem to come to terms with it. Those eyes were his, the hair was his, but the bags beneath those eyes? The pale skin and the damaged art on the side of his neck? Were those his? Or did someone cut out the bad pieces from another person and paste them over Teddy just to mess with his mind?

He’d been taking the pills prescribed to him, regularly talking to doctors and visiting his psychiatrist twice a week. Teddy had been exercising and eating like he was supposed to, socializing when he had to, so why wasn’t he better? Why couldn’t he just wake up and feel exactly the way he used to feel? What was the point of gaining consciousness every single morning to simply stare at the ceiling? What was he doing?

Teddy tore his eyes away from the mirror so he wouldn’t have to look at himself any longer. Staring too long tended to make him nauseous.

He retrieved a blister pack of small blue pills sitting inside his medicine cabinet, throwing one into his mouth and wincing as he swallowed it dry. It usually left a bad taste in his mouth, especially if he hadn’t eaten beforehand, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to take his medication and get it over with.

Teddy owned a small apartment that he paid for with a monthly pension. It was nothing extravagant to be sure, but it was spotless. Not that he had much to do aside from clean and organize and try to stay sane.

The curtains were almost always drawn, the light in the kitchen would flicker suspiciously whenever it was turned on, and the heater only worked about half the time. Teddy didn’t mind.

It was a struggle, but he pushed through it, spending thirty minutes on the treadmill in his living area before sitting in a chair to lift a small ten pound weight in one hand, then the other. Even if he never did anything, never went out, he was expected to routinely exercise his body. It was a form of physical therapy. Teddy never complained because he liked routine and he liked working out. It reminded him of when things were normal. He would certainly rather work out on his own than have physical therapists help him like they’d done for months after he’d woken up in hospital.

It wasn’t as if Teddy didn’t like getting help. He just wanted to be able to take care of himself independently. Asking for help, while he knew wasn’t shameful, was simply something he couldn’t bring himself to do. In any case, he was fine. He could lift weights and run on the treadmill without hurting. Eating breakfast didn’t bother his stomach, which was an improvement. For the first few months, eating solid food made Teddy nauseous and he could barely keep anything down, but luckily he’d gotten used to the medicine.

He was fine, but not everyone seemed to agree, and that was bothersome. That was the problem, because no one would let him do anything. Life was so stale now, so mediocre. Teddy did nothing every day, and his mind was starting to suffer from it. What was he supposed to do, though? It wasn’t like he could get his old job back.

Everyone kept saying the same thing, that he needed to rest; recover. 

“How long is it supposed to take?” Teddy decided to ask his psychiatrist the question that had been nagging at him.

It was mid day by then. Teddy was sitting in a padded armchair with his elbows on his knees and his hands pressed together, staring down at the green carpet beneath his feet.

The woman sitting across from him was dressed formally in heels and a white dress shirt that was neatly tucked into her royal purple pencil skirt. One leg was folded over the other, and a clipboard was sitting on her lap. Her hair was dark brown and pushed behind her ears with silver bobby pins, and a wedding ring decorated her left hand. A family portrait showing herself standing with her husband and her son was on her desk, and beside it was a nameplate that read _“Astoria Malfoy, Ph.D, Psychiatrist”._

“That’s a hard question to answer,” Astoria answered mildly. “People respond to traumas very differently. What may not affect one person can have terrible, lifelong consequences for another. Everyone is different, and the mind is a complicated machine we barely understand. You went through something both physically and mentally taxing; you need time.”

Teddy lifted his hands, folding them together and rubbing his chin with his thumbs as he turned his head to stare at the pictures framed on the walls. “I want to go back to work,” he stated, not bothering to look at Astoria as she replied.

He already knew she’d be wearing the same empathetic expression she always wore when he brought up his job.

“Getting out of the house may be good for you, getting back to work and keeping your mind stimulated, but you know that you can’t—”

“I know.” Teddy interrupted her and dropped his face, shoving his hands into the fringe of his hair. “I can’t have my old job back.”

“The stress of the work would be too much for you.” Astoria clicked her pen a few times. “This is for your health, Mr. Lupin.”

Teddy said nothing, because all he wanted to do was argue. He knew she was right. It wasn’t like he’d been fired for negligence or being a bad worker. His employer had no choice in the matter. His body quite honestly couldn’t handle the strain of the job. That’s what the doctor’s had said at least. His first psychiatrist, after several sessions of talking and assessing Teddy’s condition, had concluded that his mind couldn’t handle the condition of his former work environment anymore than his body could.

So he’d been forced into early retirement at the age of twenty-nine. Or “indefinite medical leave” as his former coworkers called it.

“What am I supposed to do then?” Teddy asked, rubbing a hand over his face. “I feel like I’m running on a wheel; there’s no destination to reach, just more pointless running, going nowhere, trapped.”

Astoria pressed her lips together before offering her advice. “Keep taking the medicine, keep coming to your appointments. You definitely need to get out of the house, socialize, because locking yourself up in your apartment will only make your mental condition worse. Look for another job, something less taxing. Have you considered becoming a security guard?”

Teddy gave a groan, flopping against the back of his seat. “Security guard, bugger, are you kidding me? You want me to sit around on my arse and watch a screen to make sure no one swipes lip gloss or candy bars?”

The heavy sarcasm brought a smile to Astoria’s lips, and she shook her head fondly. “There’s only so much you can manage in terms of physical work, so your choices are limited, but you’re educated and have a brilliant resume.”

“Save the part where I was retired from Scotland Yard right after being promoted.”

“You could do anything you wanted, Teddy. What about becoming an Uber driver?”

Teddy lolled his head to the side. “Bite me, Astoria.”

She just laughed in amusement, and her ease in the conversation had Teddy relaxing exponentially. That’s why he liked her as his doctor. She wasn’t like the usual therapists and psychiatrists who had treated him over the months. She seemed to genuinely care about him, and rather than just sit there silently and have him talk about how miserable his life was, she actually offered advice and ideas, ways he could heal and progress.

Some of her ideas were questionable, though. An Uber driver? Did Teddy look like a bloody chauffeur? He was a detective inspector. Or he used to be, at least. He wasn’t a personal driver, that was the point of it, and he didn’t _want_ to be. He wanted to be a detective inspector. He wanted to work in Scotland Yard with people he’d known since he was a toddler, where a memorial photo of his mother was hanging on every floor; but he couldn’t be, not anymore, and he just had to deal with that.

“There was nothing else I ever wanted to be,” Teddy said in a low voice, twisting one of the rings on his right hand. “Growing up, joining the police was my dream. I wanted to help people, to protect people, and now I’m stuck trying to help myself?”

“You’re a remarkably kindhearted person, but something I’ve noticed in kind people is that they’re very good at looking after others, and very bad at looking after themselves.” Astoria was smiling as she talked, but she looked sad. “One of the hardest things to do is be kind, and it’s even harder to be kind to yourself, but that’s what needs to be prioritized while you’re healing from personal trauma.”

Teddy shook his head, hands pressed together. “I have no goals past this. Why am I even doing this consistently if I can’t go back to my dream job?”

“Life is about overcoming struggles and discovering new destiny,” Astoria said, feeling over the jewel set into her wedding ring. “What you want may not be the thing you need, and what you need is bound to come into your life when you least expect it. That’s how things are. That’s how life is. You just have to be patient and stubborn.”

Teddy dropped his hands, staring at Astoria in pure exhaustion. “How will I know I’m where I’m supposed to be if I do manage to get there?”

Astoria smiled. “You’ll know; and you will get there. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. You’re a good person, Teddy. You’ve sacrificed so much for people that you don’t even know. You’ve earned your place, Mr. Lupin. Treat yourself more gently,” she grinned, “or at the very least find someone who can do that for you.”

Teddy snorted and rolled his eyes. “I think having a relationship is the last thing I should make a priority.”

“You say that now and I won’t argue,” Astoria scribbled down a few notes, smiling far too cheekily, “but as I said, things will happen when you least expect it.”

“Mrs. Malfoy, if I ever come in here with news regarding my love life, I’ll have my hair dyed pink.”

Astoria seemed even more amused by that. She set down her clipboard as she unfolded her legs, preparing to stand. “Are you going to get your hair touched up?”

“I was planning on it,” Teddy responded as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I just have to pick up a box of dye from the store. The brand I use is pricey so I can’t get it all the time, but it’s the only brand that makes the right color blue.”

Astoria was tapping her chin with the end of her pen, humming. “I think I know. It’s made by the Potter’s company, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Teddy nodded. “The dye they make is infused with a product that keeps my hair from getting damaged, and considering I dye it so often, that’s always a concern. It’s from the Sleekeazy Color Line.”

“Blue looks good on you,” Astoria complimented, placing her pen on top of her clipboard. “That of course wraps our session. I expect you back next week, and don’t try to skip.” Teddy gave a short laugh. “I know it might be difficult, but maybe try that whole being kind to yourself thing. Start small of course. I’d also like it if you looked into getting a part time job, to keep yourself busy and get you out of your apartment sometimes. I want you to start talking to more people, try and go out with your friends. I’m sure they miss you and are worried about you. If you can manage travelling, visit your grandparents. Or contact your godfather and go out to eat with him. Keep your checkups, continue your exercises, and reach out to the physical therapist if you need to.”

“Take care of myself, then,” Teddy summed up with a weak smile as Astoria stood up.

“Well, yes. Can you do that much?”

“I’m probably not in the best condition to make promises, but I’ll make an attempt at the very least.”

“Trying is more than enough for now,” Astoria assured, and Teddy stood up with her, picking his coat up where he’d draped it over the back of his chair.

“Thank you. I hope you have a good rest of your day.”

“You as well.” Astoria opened the door for Teddy. “Remember to contact me if you need to talk at all, I’m always available.”

Teddy smiled at her. “Right.”

Teddy couldn’t remember a time he’d had to call Astoria during the days between their sessions. He really couldn’t justify doing it, no matter how bad his head space was. Astoria had a family after all, much more to worry about outside of work. She had no connection to Teddy aside from the fact she was treating him for the menagerie of mental disorders he’d only recently started to develop.

That was probably Astoria’s point when she said Teddy needed to be kinder to himself. He had a terrible habit of trying not to bother people when he was getting bad, because he figured that his friends and family—and even his psychiatrist who was paid to help him through breakdowns and depression—had problems of their own they needed to worry about. They really didn’t need to bother with Teddy when they had their personal lives to contend with.

On the other side of that coin, Teddy was the kind of person to put his own health on the line in order to help other people. Whether they were his long time friends or complete strangers, Teddy was the first person who would jump into the line of fire to help others. In fact, that was why he was in this position in the first place. Some part of him was so desperate to be a hero, so desperate to keep people safe, that his habit of putting himself in danger to do so finally came back to him.

At first he didn’t care, he was proud of himself, but after months of dealing with the after effects, Teddy was starting to regret that day. Of course, being who he was, whenever he started to get those unhappy thoughts he would end up angry at himself. It was a mess, and Teddy just wanted to feel normal again.

He was standing at a crosswalk when his phone began to buzz in his pocket, letting the crowd go ahead of him as he fished it out. A picture of his godfather was showing on the screen, and Teddy shut his eyes with a sigh before tapping the green button to answer the call. If he didn’t then the man would just get worried and show up at Teddy’s door. It had happened plenty of times in the past. Even if Teddy was sleeping when he called, the Scotland Yard Commissioner would drive halfway across London to break his door down.

Teddy couldn’t be surprised, considering what had happened, but it could still be rather bothersome.

He had the phone to his ear before starting to walk again, looking down both sides of the street just to ensure he wouldn’t be hit by a car as he greeted the man on the other side of the phone. “Wotcher, Kingsley. I just got out of my session.”

“I was going to ask,” Kingsley noted. “How are you feeling today?”

Teddy thought about it for a moment before answering. “Alright,” he decided. “Not my worst day.”

“I suppose that’s all we can hope for, isn’t it?”

Teddy gave a weak laugh. “Are you not at work right now?”

“I am,” Kingsley confirmed. “I wanted to check on you. What are you doing right now?”

“Walking home, why?”

“Can you get to a bus?”

Teddy shuffled his feet before stopping, looking around and locating a bus stop with his eyes before furrowing his brow. “Why? Has something happened?”

“I needed to talk to you in person about something. Here at the yard.”

“Oh…” Teddy trailed off, staring at the road before turning his head to look at the toes of his boots. “Can I ask what about?”

“It’s a possible job,” Kingsley explained, and Teddy felt a rush like electricity run up his spine.

He stood straighter and opened his mouth, but was unable to say anything before Kingsley continued.

“I don’t know the details myself, but the position was brought to me personally by a man whose family has been supporting Scotland Yard both financially and publicly for years. He’s a good man, and I wouldn’t choose just anyone to take this job, so I recommended you to him.”

Teddy hesitated. For a moment he was actually expecting Kingsley to offer him his former job back, but maybe that was hoping for too much. Of course Kingsley wouldn’t do that. He had been the one to fire Teddy.

“Do you have any other information about it?” Teddy asked, scratching the back of his head.

He didn’t want to straight out say no to the offer because he didn’t want to disappoint Kingsley. Not to mention Astoria had just told him to look for a part time job not ten minutes ago.

“Not much. You’ll be in London still, so you won’t have to relocate. I’ve already talked you up to the man, he seems eager to meet you.”

“Anything else?”

“I could tell you the name of your possible employer if you’d like.”

“It might help me decide whether or not to come by or just go home.”

Kingsley gave a low chuckle, and the next time he spoke, Teddy wasn’t entirely certain he’d heard correctly. “A man named Harry James Potter.”

Teddy thought he could hear water rushing in his head, lifting his eyes from his shoes to stare at the towering building located several blocks away. Despite being so far in the distance, Teddy could easily see the top of it rising over the rest of the architecture. The name “Potter” was on the side of the building in bold black lettering.

“You said Potter,” Teddy said numbly, and Kingsley gave a hum.

“Yes.”

 _“The_ Harry Potter. The Harry Potter who’s CEO of the wealthiest pharmaceutical enterprise in the UK?”

“Yes, that one.”

Teddy couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not. “Bugger, Kingsley.”

“Shall I tell him you’re on your way?”

Teddy lifted a hand and pushed it into his hair. “What bloody job is he offering? Why would he go to the Commissioner of Scotland Yard?”

“Hurry up and come find out for yourself.”

“Bugger!” Teddy exclaimed, hanging up and sprinting towards the bus station across the street.

Teddy was near manic by the time he finally reached Scotland Yard, so focused on the fact that he was about to meet one of the wealthiest men in London that he wasn’t even thinking of the fact he was walking into his former workplace.

Harry Potter was the CEO and head of Potter Pharmaceuticals, a London based company that started during one of the world wars due to the fact there weren’t enough places producing medical supplies like bandages and medicine. Over the years they’d expanded to reach different corners of business including dermatology, hair products, and even natural based remedies. Most of the hospitals and clinics in the area got most of their supplies from Potter Pharmaceuticals; Teddy used their hair products.

They supported the national football team, as far as Teddy was aware thanks to social media, and Harry even married one of the team members. They were financial benefactors to Scotland Yard, the University where Teddy’s father had worked, and even Parliament.

Now Harry himself was at Scotland Yard with a job he’d brought directly to the Commissioner. Teddy didn’t know what to think or how to feel, anxious or excited. He was just grateful he didn’t run into anyone he knew on his way to Kingsley’s office.

He stared at the cloudy glass window set into the door of his godfather’s office when he reached it, reading over the black lettering of Kingsley’s name before taking a breath and reaching out to knock. The door was halfway open when Teddy finally thought about the fact he was certainly not at all dressed for meeting Harry James Potter. Old black boots with faded yellow laces, worn jeans, a basic band t-shirt and an old leather jacket. His hair was a faded blue mess with far too noticeable brown roots, his ears pierced and a destroyed tattoo in full view on his neck. Teddy looked a mess, but it was too late to turn and go home to change, so he pushed forward, hoping Harry wouldn’t mind.

The first person Teddy saw when he entered the room was Kingsley, sitting in his high backed chair and leaning forward with his arms folded over the edge of his desk. Standing in front of the desk and just to the side was Harry Potter himself. He was leaning with his hip against the desk, arms folded and holding a thick yellow envelope stuffed with papers.

He was wearing rather casual and unassuming clothes, which Teddy hadn’t been expecting. He still looked neat and imposing, but the jeans he was wearing looked like he’d picked them up at a thrift store. His glasses were round, and Teddy couldn’t help but notice the unusual scar on his forehead. Teddy knew where it came from because everyone knew about the horrific traffic accident that took the lives of Harry’s parents. From what Teddy had read, Harry had been in the car during the wreck, and honestly all Teddy could think about was how unfair it was that the man couldn’t just forget it.

Being the influential man he was, born into wealth and running one of the biggest companies in London, nothing in Harry’s life was allowed to be private. His entire family was prone to the oversaturation of hate and scrutiny from the media, and that’s why Teddy was so nervous. He didn’t know what was true and what had been fabricated in the papers and online blogs. As he shut the door behind him, Teddy tried to relax. This man was just a man. He wasn’t a king and he wasn’t all powerful. He was just a person.

Harry’s green eyes moved to Teddy when the door clicked closed, and Kingsley sat straighter before lifting to his feet. “That was fast,” he noted, and Teddy gave a curt nod. “Mr. Potter, this is the man I was referring to before.”

“Edward Lupin,” Harry stated, and Teddy stepped forward, holding a hand out.

“Call me Teddy.”

One corner of Harry’s lips quirked up in response to the nickname, reaching out to shake Teddy’s hand. “You can call me Harry, then.”

Teddy was half tempted to explain just how much he could not do that, but decided to just nod. He looked between Harry and Kingsley. “So what did you want to speak with me about?”

Harry’s easy going demeanor seemed to disappear as his face became drawn and serious, holding the thick envelope in front of him and looking down at it. “I came to Scotland Yard to report something I consider a severe problem. I wasn’t sure whether to pass the case off to a detective or not, but this is important to me, so I came straight to Mr. Shacklebolt instead.” He lifted his head to look at Teddy. “To put it directly, someone has been stalking my son for the past year.”

He held out the envelope, and Teddy cautiously took it from him. It was thick and incredibly heavy, clearly filled to bursting with what appeared to be letters, photos, and newspaper clippings.

“My oldest, James,” Harry was explaining as Teddy slid out one of the pictures.

It seemed to be thick, professional quality photo paper. Teddy turned it over to glance at the back before looking at the picture on the front. It showed a clear image of James Sirius Potter. Teddy had seen pictures of him before of course, and read some articles about him. Harry had three children, if Teddy remembered correctly.

“According to him, the letters and calls started about a year ago. He only recently told me about it.”

“He’s been dealing with this himself for a year?” Kingsley asked, and Harry gave a nod.

“He didn’t want to tell me about it. Maybe he thought I’d get mad. I always tell my kids to keep a low profile, to be careful in public. Being who we are means we’re all prone to this kind of thing. My worst case scenario was thinking my daughter would end up in this position, but I never considered that James could be.”

Teddy returned the picture into the envelope before pulling out another, keeping his ears open to listen to Harry’s story. “Because he’s a man?” He asked, and Harry sighed.

“No, I just _—_ ” Harry stopped before continuing on a different note. “The letters and calls have gotten steadily more frequent and aggressive. My son isn’t easily frightened or disconcerted, he’s fearless at the worst of times, but when he came to my office with those letters he was white as a sheet. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping or even eating. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do aside from contacting the police.”

“I’m not a policeman.” Teddy shook his head, looking up at Harry. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s not what I came to Mr. Shacklebolt for,” Harry said. “The job offer I have isn’t for finding this man. I want to hire a bodyguard for my son, at least until the police have hunted down his stalker and arrested him.”

Teddy reeled his head in surprise, looking over at Kingsley, who shrugged unhelpfully. “You want me to do that?” Teddy asked, and Harry seemed to age several years before his eyes.

“I offered to have him move back in with his mother and I, because I don’t want him alone in a flat that his stalker has been watching for over a year, but he said no. I’m scared of what might happen. This is my last resort. I won’t force him to move back in with us, but considering how bad the situation has gotten without him even telling us, I’m not going to let him stay in that place without some kind of protection.” Harry looked like he wanted to punch a wall, he looked furious, and Teddy swallowed down the knot in his throat.

Truthfully he didn’t know what to say, looking down at the envelope and all its contents. When he practically ran here, he’d been thinking perhaps Harry had a part time job as a security guard at his building, or one of his warehouses. This was far more personal and intimate. This wasn’t Harry’s work, it was his family, his son. It was no wonder he looked so frazzled. Stalking, if unchecked, could become increasingly more aggressive and unhinged. Worst case scenarios regarding stalkers would normally involve the object of their obsessions getting hurt physically, or even killed. Harry probably already knew that.

James looked absolutely exhausted in many of the pictures that the stalker had taken and sent to James, just to rile him up no doubt. To prove just how much control he had over the young man. James was sitting or standing and looking around uneasily, like he already knew someone was watching him. Teddy felt a pang of protectiveness jolt in his chest, a natural instinct taking over as he furrowed his brow and pulled out a few of the letters.

Some of them were hand written, while others had been made with letters that had been cut from magazines and newspapers. The newer the letters were, the smarter the stalker seemed to have gotten, and the most recent Teddy read over had been typed. Handwriting analysis was a dodgy expertise at best, but it still could have helped identify the stalker.

What really bothered Teddy was the contents of the letters. They started off gentle, sensual to the point where Teddy could almost believe the stalker genuinely had some form of romantic interest towards James. The more recent they were, the more violent they grew. Which wasn’t good for a lot of reasons. Whoever this man was, he was growing impatient. Writing letters, making phone calls, and sending photos just wasn’t enough anymore. At this point he was just going to get bolder. It was good James finally brought this to his father, because Teddy wasn’t certain how much longer the stalker would wait.

Still, even getting James a bodyguard could trigger the stalker into doing something drastic. Having the object of his obsession suddenly taken away, or watching him become fully unobtainable, could pressure the unhinged man into doing something irreversible.

If Teddy took this job, it was likely he would be getting himself into a situation he couldn’t merely walk away from. It would be a full time gig. He would have to be at James’ side near constantly until the situation had been dealt with, because seeing Teddy around James was going to enrage the stalker. The moment Teddy left James’ side for too long, something could happen.

Teddy understood that, he wasn’t stupid. Considering his own health, Astoria had probably been leaning more towards him getting a part time job at a shopping center rather than protecting Harry Potter’s son. Still, the instinct that had pushed him onto that bloody bus two years ago was raging through him. As a human, he couldn’t in good conscience just leave this be. The poor man was probably so scared, especially if he’d broken down enough to bring the situation to his father’s attention after a full year of dealing with it on his own.

He couldn’t do it anymore, not by himself, and why should he? There was no shame in asking for help.

Teddy ignored the bitter taste of hypocrisy that stung his mouth as he looked at Harry. “Alright. If I can help then I will.” Harry seemed to visibly relax at the verbal confirmation that Teddy would take the job, and Teddy handed the envelope over for Kingsley to review. “While I look after him, you should let the police further investigate the situation.”

“Of course.” Harry nodded firmly.

Kingsley pulled all the papers out to set them on his desk. “I’ll prioritize this case, as stalking is more serious than people think.” Harry seemed uneasy at that, but Kingsley didn’t look up from the letters and photos. “Leave it to us. It’s best you keep it within your immediate family. Does anyone else know besides you?”

“My wife,” Harry admitted. “That’s it. My other kids don’t know, none of Jamie’s cousins or uncles or aunts. If we told his grandparents they’d be nervous wrecks.”

“Keep it between the three of you, then.” Kingsley nodded to Teddy. “Mr. Lupin here is certified at hand to hand, he’s trained fully in police work as well as hands-on detective work. He’s fully capable of acting as a physical guard if need be, and is the best choice for this.”

Teddy felt flustered at the compliments, unable to respond vocally as Harry immediately relaxed. “Right.”

“I’ll contact you if we have any progress in the case, but until then try not to worry too much. Feel free to discuss the specs of the work with Edward.” Kingsley then waved a hand idly. “He’s your employee now.”

Harry met Teddy’s eye, and Teddy wasn’t entirely sure he liked whatever it was that passed between them. Suddenly his shoulders felt tense, as if Harry Potter had just dropped the weight of the world onto his shoulders. He’d blindly taken on the responsibility of protecting a man he hadn’t even met, and part of him thought he may end up seriously regretting it, but he couldn’t back out now.

He held a hand out for Harry to take again, and Harry slipped him a little black card with silver writing printed on it.

“Use that to get into my building tomorrow around eight in the morning. I’ll discuss the situation further with you then and introduce you to my son. He may not be happy I hired a bodyguard for him, but he probably won’t be surprised. I’ve threatened to get him one before.”

“Yes, sir,” Teddy responded as he looked over the remarkably thick and heavy card that Harry had handed him. It was almost like a credit card, but was cold as if made out of metal. It was black and the silver writing seemed to be holographic. Like a VIP pass to go anywhere he wanted.

“I’ll leave the letters here, can I?” Harry asked Kingsley, who gave a firm nod.

“Rest easy, Mr. Potter. We’ll do everything in our power to get this settled.”

“If you need anything,” Harry said, “please let me know. Information, money, anything.”

Teddy looked away from the card to watch Harry, because the shake in his voice made him think the man may have been crying. While he did appear emotional, he wasn’t shedding tears. Teddy could tell how worried Harry was, how much he loved all his children, not just his son. It was actually really nice to see someone like Harry Potter worried about so much more than money or business. What mattered to him was his family, and Teddy winced against the memories of his own parents.

“I’ll let you know,” Kingsley promised, and Harry shook his hand before nodding to Teddy and leaving the room.

Once the door was securely shut, Teddy turned to Kingsley, who was flipping through the photos. “What do you think?” Teddy asked, and Kingsley held up one of the photos, turning it around to look at the back.

“Professional grade, professionally printed, taken on an older camera and possibly developed in a dark room. I’ll have to send it in to test it to be sure. Possibly a journalist, but anyone can buy a nice camera these days.”

“I mean the job,” Teddy laughed weakly, looking at the card again. “Is this a good idea?”

“Why not?” Kingsley set the photo aside and picked up one of the letters. “You’re more than capable, and you’ve been stuck inside doing nothing long enough.” He folded his arms over the edge of his desk. “I want you to get out of your apartment and do something you’re passionate about, something that makes you happy to wake up.”

Teddy took a slow breath, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. Again he felt the desire to complain, to say he just wanted his old job back, and what made being a bodyguard so different from being a policeman. He kept his mouth sealed shut. He’d known Kingsley for his entire life, and the man probably knew Teddy better than he knew himself. He wanted the best for Teddy, and he was a brilliant man. All Teddy could do was trust him.

“Stalking cases can get complicated,” Teddy noted, putting the black card into his coat pocket. “You don’t think it could end up being dangerous?”

Kingsley hummed, spreading the letters over his desk. “It’s definitely possible, but danger has never scared you before.”

Teddy snorted, folding his arms and lifting one hand to rub his neck. “So you think I’m going to stick with this job simply because I’m stubborn and addicted to danger?”

“Not at all.” Kingsley smiled in that way he always did, like he knew something that Teddy didn’t. “I think you’re going to keep this job offer because you are so much like your mother and father that sometimes it scares me. You’re attracted to the chances you have to save people, and it’s the one thing about you I truly worry about, because you’re such a good person. It’s your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.”

Teddy lowered his gaze to stare at Kingsley’s nameplate, tracing his fingers around the scar on his neck.

“I know you want to come back here.” Teddy dropped his hand and turned to shuffle over to the wall, hands in his pockets, not wanting to look at Kingsley. “I also know you’re smart enough to understand why you can’t; but not even I can stop you from doing what you always wanted to do. So when Harry brought this job to me, you were the one and only recommendation I had for him. If you can’t look after people as a detective, maybe you can look after people as a personal guard. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be good at it. Maybe you’ll enjoy it.”

Teddy reached out to one of the photos hanging on the wall, feeling the smooth metal frame and staring at the picture within it. It was a photo from his parents' wedding, his mother and father at the forefront with Kingsley standing in the frame beside Teddy’s father. There were a few others there, like the former Commissioner Alastar Moody, as well as people Teddy didn’t actually recognize.

He shook his head slowly, pushing his hand back into his pocket. “Yeah,” he decided, turning away from the wall and smiling weakly at Kingsley. “At this point, it’s not like I have anything to lose, and if I can help someone in the process, then all the better.”

Teddy was genuine when he said that, and he felt it in his chest. He didn’t know what he was doing, he’d been lost for so long since the incident that lost him his dream job. He’d been stuck in place, frozen, and he knew he never would’ve been able to move forward by himself. Something was bound to happen eventually. Either he was going to have a psychotic break, or he was going to find another path to go down. In this case, Kingsley was the one pushing him forward, but Teddy was grateful.

The depression that had settled over Teddy after waking up had weighed him to the spot, and he’d been dragging it around for two years. Sometimes he could ignore it, but that was all he could do. He couldn’t get rid of it, but maybe this job could help him forget it, at least for a time. Perhaps nothing else would happen, in fact he really doubted much would come out of it, but a distraction was more than he could hope for, and that was enough for now.


	3. be still my foolish heart (don't ruin this on me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

James had never been this tired before in his entire life. The kind of tired where he stood up and nearly collapsed. The kind of tired where he just couldn’t sleep, no matter how comfortable he was in bed. Like now, curled up under the heavy duvet and hugging one of his pillows, staring at the clock on his bedside table that was blinking green numbers. There was a radio behind the clock that was stuck between channels, buzzing with white noise. Just beside the clock was a family photo turned towards the bed so James could stare at it. Closest to him was a scotch glass half full of whiskey, and just beside that was a blister pack of sleeping pills that James had picked up during his last doctor’s appointment.

He wasn’t supposed to take them with alcohol, but who obeyed that rule? James just wanted to sleep, but the pills barely worked. One could argue they weren’t working because he took them with whiskey, but James pushed that thought to the back of his mind.

The night before, Harry had called and asked James to come around his office around 7:30 in the morning. James was half tempted to stay in bed. He didn’t have classes until noon, and he didn’t want to leave the house before that. He didn’t want to leave his house at all. James didn’t even want to be in the same room as his father, not after breaking down and bringing the letters and photos he’d been collecting for the past year to his office.

The expression on Harry’s face when James had explained he had a stalker was something he wouldn’t soon forget. He knew Harry wasn’t mad at him, he was mad at whoever was stupid enough to target James, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty and foolish for not bringing the situation to Harry sooner. This could have been dealt with so much earlier. James could have avoided so many sleepless nights and mounting panic attacks, but he just had to be proud. Why did he have to be like this?

James flinched when his phone buzzed on the bedside table beside his drink, rubbing his eyes with his hand and reaching out to pick it up. The caller ID blinked with a photo of his father, and James sighed as he sat up in bed. When he answered the call he tried to speak with as much life as he possibly could.

“A bit early, isn’t it?” James asked, trying to tease, but Harry didn’t sound amused.

“It’s almost 7:30, so no. Are you on your way?”

James held his breath to keep from groaning, instead humming. “Yeah, why? Am I going too slow?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were coming. I’d prefer it if you were here before eight. I need to discuss something with you.”

James was almost incapable of holding back the groan that time, shutting his eyes and gritting his teeth before forcing out a laugh. “Yeah dad, you told me last night. I’ll be there before eight, I promise. Don’t worry so much.” He pushed the blankets back and stood up from the bed. “I have to hang up now, if you don’t mind? You did say I wasn’t supposed to take phone calls while driving.”

“Bugger!” Harry snapped, like he’d forgotten, and James genuinely laughed that time, hanging up and dropping his phone onto the bed.

He rubbed both hands over his face, taking a deep breath. He didn’t wake up late, but he was certainly getting a late start. With no time to take a shower, James just shuffled around and pulled on the most basic clothes he could find: blue jeans, sneakers, a wrinkled black t-shirt and a dark maroon hoodie. As a final touch he sprayed himself with cologne, hoping to mask the scent of whiskey and insomnia, then headed straight for his car.

Ignoring the posted speed limit, James sped through the morning traffic to make it to Harry's office on time. Briefly, he considered purposefully crashing into the side of a building to avoid having to face his father, but decided against it, allowing the valet to park his car.

He used his fingers to comb out his hair as he rode the elevator to the top floor, trying to tame the curls, tangles and flyaways before his father saw him. There was only so much he could do with his hair to make himself look presentable. That was his father’s fault. He needed an entire bottle of product to keep it somewhat normal. Not that he had much time to brood on that.

It wasn’t like anyone important was going to see him. Just his dad. Which was good, because he put absolutely no effort into looking presentable or attractive. He hadn’t taken much time at all for himself lately.

For the first few months—after that first phone call—he received periodic letters and calls from the man; complimenting James on his outfit, saying how nice he looked in those jeans, or that shirt. James got sick of it, so he unconsciously stopped trying to look nice.

James politely knocked twice on his father's door before letting himself in.

"You're late," Harry stated without looking up from his work.

James pointed at himself in faux shock. “I thought you said 7:40.”

"No, you didn't." Harry tossed a file to the side, propping his elbows against the fine, mahogany desk. "Unfortunately, we don't have as much time to discuss this as I would have liked," he said with a sigh.

He waved James in, motioning towards the chair in front of him.

Dragging his feet, James pulled the door closed and dropped into the chair, flopping against the back of it. "What is it then?" he asked.

Harry eyed James, clicking his pen for a moment before dropping it onto his desk. “I talked to your mum about this for a long time before doing it, so this decision wasn’t mine alone. We both thought this was the best way to go about things.”

James stared blankly at Harry, shrugging and shaking his head. “Are you going to tell me what it is you’ve decided?”

“I brought your letters to Scotland Yard,” Harry said simply, and James felt a jolt of fear run through him, sitting straighter as Harry quickly continued. “The Commissioner, Kingsley Shacklebolt, personally took on the case _—_ ”

“Dad!” James got to his feet. His already shot nerves felt like they’d been lit on fire, and he had to pace to keep from self imploding.

"Did you think I was going to look at all of that mess and say it's fine?" Harry held his hands up defensively. "You brought me _—_ your father _—_ proof of a potentially violent stalker, and you expect me to do nothing about it?"

“I told you not to talk to the bloody police!” James snapped, running his hands into his hair to mess it up and ruin the time he’d spent trying to fix it.

“James, do you know how serious this is?” Harry asked.

“No dad, I’ve been getting threatening letters and calls for the past year thinking it was flowers and rainbows,” he replied sarcastically, pulling his hands away from his hair.

“Mr. Shacklebolt has assured me he would keep this situation completely under the radar. He wants us to keep it between the three of us, you, your mum, and myself; to ensure your safety. He’ll be contacting me periodically about the progress of the case, and he’s recommended what seems to be a fantastic bodyguard.”

James nodded and held his hand out. “That’s nice but _—_ ” He stopped abruptly. “Bodyguard? Are you bloody kidding me?!”

“You can’t really be surprised, James!” Harry sat back. “This situation is just going to get worse!”

“You don’t know that!” James yelled. “For fucks sake, I’ve been doing fine! I’ve been dealing with this for a year and I’ve been fine! I only told you because _—_ ”

“Because you were getting scared! It’s not something you need to be embarrassed about.” Harry lowered his voice towards the end, speaking gently. “Your mum and I are just worried. We want you safe, and if you’re going to refuse to come home until this man is gone, then this is my compromise.”

“So I’m gonna have a live-in nanny, then.” James stated, shrugging with his arms and turning his back to Harry. “Brilliant, bloody brilliant, I’m five years old again.”

“As if I haven’t threatened to get you a bodyguard before,” Harry sighed as he rolled his eyes.

“Yes but I didn’t think you’d actually hire me one!” James said in exasperation, running a hand through his hair again. “Just… fuck!”

“He came highly recommended,” Harry said, as if that would calm James down, but James just threw his hand up.

“How nice!”

“He used to work at Scotland Yard as a Detective Inspector, which is a high position in the force.” James paused in his pacing and turned to stare at Harry in confusion. “This means he’s more than capable of guarding you. He knows how to fight. I imagine he’s physically strong enough to beat back someone if they come after you.”

“What am I, a damsel in distress? I can bench press twenty-three kilos, you know."

“He’s also very polite.” Harry seemed to be blatantly ignoring James, who waved a hand in front of him.

“What do you mean when you say he _used_ to work for Scotland Yard? He doesn’t anymore?”

Harry shrugged . “That’s what Mr. Shacklebolt said. He’s been on pension for almost two years I think. Or a year and a half? I can’t remember.”

“What for?” James asked. “You don’t think that’s suspicious?”

“I don’t know the details,” Harry admitted, “but Mr. Shacklebolt wouldn’t have recommended him if he wasn’t the perfect choice for this.”

“Who cares?” James spun around on his heel, beginning to pace again. “This is bloody ridiculous. I don’t need a damn babysitter.”

“He’s not a babysitter. He’s a trained detective who used to do serious field work. He’s physically and mentally capable of protecting you, at least until your stalker has been caught.”

“Oh for bloody fucks sake!” James turned to Harry, leaning forward and holding his hands out. “Dad, I don’t care how bad this gets, I can take care of myself. I do not need a bodyguard!”

Before Harry could respond, the sound of someone knocking echoed through the room, halting their conversation. Harry sat back in his chair as James stood straighter.

“Dad, fire him. I don’t need him. I don’t need protection. Please, fire him.”

Harry glared directly into James’ eyes. “No.”

James felt like he was turning red in anger and frustration. He felt out of control and vulnerable, like he was going to explode. His voice trembled. “You’re really working hard to make me hate you.”

Harry’s face seemed to wrinkle in agony, before his expression hardened and he sat straighter in his seat, looking at the door. “You can just walk in!” He called, and James turned, pulling harder at his hair.

The sound of the door opening nearly made James collapse from anxiety. He kept his back to the room and grit his teeth, trying not to kick at the wall. He couldn’t believe this. It made sense his father would hire someone after all the times he’d threatened it, but that didn’t mean James had to like it.

He was really expected to just let some stranger into his house when he was worrying about a stalker? Did Harry not consider it even a little strange that the man wasn’t a cop anymore? _Why_ wasn’t he? Did he get fired? Did he quit? How was a former cop capable of being a bodyguard when he couldn’t even keep his job as a detective?

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to just let myself in.” James tensed up at the voice, which sounded a lot more youthful than he’d expected. “Am I late?”

“You’re early, actually, wonderful timing.” Harry responded. “My son is brooding in the corner as you can see.”

“Yeah.”

“James, if you’re done pouting, this is Edward Lupin.”

James bristled, turning to glare at Harry before looking over at who was standing at the door. Instantaneously he felt himself freeze up. The man there was far younger than James had been expecting; early thirties at the oldest.

The first thing James noticed were the black leather boots, laced with faded yellow strings. As his eye's moved up, he took in the tight fit of ripped jeans, held up by a belt secured snuggly around the man's hips. He was wearing a Coldplay band t-shirt and a worn leather jacket.

Unexpectedly, his hair appeared to be dyed blue, with brown roots showing through. Stranger still were the array of piercings in his ears.

James' breath caught in his throat.

He looked the exact opposite from what James had been expecting, and he wondered idly if the man really had been a former Detective Inspector, because he certainly didn’t look like it. He looked like he belonged in a band, and James was suddenly not as angry as he had been moments ago.

“Edward Lupin,” James mimicked his father, and the man started forward, offering him a polite smile that went straight through James’ chest.

“Call me Teddy.” He held his hand out when he was close enough, and James automatically reached out to take it.

“Teddy.” He pointed at himself. “James Potter.”

“I gathered.”

“You can call me James, though.”

Teddy looked amused, a crooked grin on his lips, nodding his head. “Alright.”

“I have a bit more to discuss with you before sending you off,” Harry said, and Teddy looked over at where he was still seated. “If it’s alright.”

“Yeah, of course.” Teddy was quick to reply.

Harry stood up finally, straightening the vest he was wearing. “Great. As I expected, James isn’t very pleased with the set up, so he can wait outside for now.”

James nodded, but he hadn’t really heard what Harry said. He did recognize that Harry was looking at him, arching an eyebrow when James didn’t move.

“James.”

“What?”

“If you don’t mind waiting outside for a moment? I’d like to have a word with your bodyguard.”

“My what?” James asked, then straightened. “Oh! Yeah, right.” He turned to Teddy and his cheeks began to warm when he realized he was still clinging to the man’s hand, quickly jerking his hand back and turning. “Yep, I’ll just.” He flailed his arm at the door. “That way.”

He stared at Teddy for a moment longer. Teddy stared back at him looking noticeably confused. James then turned and shuffled over towards the door, leaving the room and making sure the door was shut securely before backing away. He lifted a hand and covered his mouth with it, staring blankly at the closed door before pulling his hand away.

“Bugger,” he whispered. “Why’d I wear a bloody hoodie?” He lifted his arm and sniffed his sleeve, wrinkling his nose. “Why’d I wear this cologne?” Then he stared across the hall in horror. “Why didn’t I comb my hair?” There was a framed photo on the wall behind him, just some basic picture of the London Eye, and James turned around to use the reflective surface of the glass to try and fix his hair, cursing as he did so.

He wasn’t expecting this, because Edward Lupin was hot, and James Potter was weak, and Edward Lupin was supposed to be his live-in bodyguard, and James Potter hadn’t had a date in over a year.

This could either end up brilliantly, or really terribly, and James wasn’t entirely sure which one of those he was hoping for.


	4. your hope dangling by a string (i’ll share in your suffering)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

Teddy watched James leave the room until the door had clicked shut before turning his full attention to Harry, who was eyeing the door suspiciously. Teddy couldn’t understand why, but he just stood there patiently for the man to narrow his eyes and hum. He looked down at his desk and dragged over a folder colored deep red with gold lettering across the front.

“You’ll understand that I wrote up a contract for you, considering this will be a private employment.”

“Of course.”

“You will be paid for this. It’s a job before anything else.” Harry lifted the folder and flipped it open as if he wanted to make sure everything was there. “My intention is to have you as a live-in, but I’ll take care of payment for your apartment while you’re not there.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Teddy said frantically, but Harry shook his head.

“It’s not a problem. I’ve said it before, I want my son safe, and I’ll do anything to ensure his wellbeing.” He shut the folder and held it out for Teddy to take. “You’ll be acting as his personal driver, live-in security, and bodyguard for when he goes out. He has classes at the University, I took the liberty of printing out his schedule and putting it in there.”

Teddy nodded as he lifted the schedule up, grinning with a short laugh.

“What is it?”

“Sorry.” Teddy cleared his throat. “My father used to be a professor at this school.” He looked up at Harry before looking back down, clearing his throat again. “Should I be in the room with him during lectures and classes?”

“He probably wouldn’t like that,” Harry admitted. “If you have to, yes, but if not, just walk the halls to check for anything suspicious.”

“Alright.”

“If his stalker sends any more letters or tries to call, let Mr. Shacklebolt and I know. Don’t let my son answer the phone first, don’t let him see any new letters.” Harry looked exhausted. “He’ll act like he’s fine, but he won’t be. He’s good at pretending he’s okay; don’t fall for it. I want him to feel safe and I want him to  _ be  _ safe.”

Teddy’s heart went out to Harry, who was rubbing his eyes. “I understand. I’ll do everything I can. I’ll text you periodic updates, and please contact me if you’re ever worried and need extra reassurance. It might be hard to trust me in the beginning because you don’t really know me, but I’m good at this.”

Harry stared at Teddy. “No, I do trust you. Mr. Shacklebolt sang your praise up and down the walls. I believe you’re more than capable.” He took the folder from Teddy and pulled out a stack of papers. He set them down and placed a fountain pen on top. “This is just a basic work contract saying you’ll take the job until the situation has been dealt with. You’ll stay as a live-in security and bodyguard, confirmation you can drive. You  _ can  _ drive, can’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Read over it and sign it. I will as well. I’ll keep this version, but I have a copy for you to take for your own files.”

Teddy read as Harry continued to talk, nearly falling when he caught sight of the proposed payment. “That’s too much,” he said, interrupting Harry when he was talking about family dinners. “I can’t accept that much.”

Harry looked confused. “Why not?”

“I just… I really can’t.” Teddy felt uneasy trying to explain himself. “It’s too much money.”

“Nothing is too much to keep my son safe,” Harry argued. “Accept it.”

Teddy felt almost physically sick, but he nodded. He didn’t care about money and never really had, but if he had more money than he needed, then he supposed he could find something to do with it.

He signed his name and initials into each line and box needed after reading through every word. Harry held a hand out to keep him from signing the final line.

“I have one more condition.”

Teddy stood straighter, holding the pen loosely in his hand. “Yes?”

Harry seemed to consider how to word his next statement, tapping his fingers against his desk and staring down. “I’m uncertain how familiar you are with my family, and with the media surrounding them.”

Teddy blushed. “To be honest, sir, I don’t really follow social media like that,” he admitted. “Sorry.”

Harry shook his head. “It’s fine. I just want you to be aware of it. Just before the letters and calls started—in fact I personally think this is what instigated the stalker to come forward like this and start trying to contact my son—paparazzi caught James with another man.” Teddy felt completely blank from the revelation. Harry continued without waiting for a response. “The paper wrote an entire article about him being gay and deviant, like he was some kind of danger to society, and the magazines, papers, and online blogs haven’t exactly slowed down.”

Teddy felt unexpectedly annoyed at that. “I can’t imagine the extra stress is appreciated.”

“No,” Harry agreed. “Due to that article, I imagine paparazzi are also watching James. They may be very interested in a live-in suddenly moving into his flat.”

Teddy processed the words for a moment before he blushed deep red for an entirely different reason. “Oh, I’m, okay, uh _ — _ ”

“My condition.”

“Right, yes.”

“If necessary, debunk whatever rumors come up. You’re just a friend taking the spare room while you’re in London studying. You’re paying rent. James is just being a good friend.”

“Of course, that’s a good cover. I can’t exactly tell people I’m trying to act as his guard.”

“That’s not exactly my point,” Harry said in a low voice, and Teddy felt himself growing more uneasy. “My son is your employer, you are working for him, for my family. This is a contracted job. Under no circumstances are you permitted to start any relationship with my son outside something strictly professional.”

Teddy felt like he was choking, taken by complete surprise. In all honesty he hadn’t even considered something like that. He wouldn’t deny that James was very attractive, even though he barely looked put together today, but a romantic relationship was the last thing on Teddy’s mind. Like Harry said, this was a job, not a date. The fact Harry was bringing it up made Teddy think James had a history of taking home people he shouldn’t, and he didn’t know what to say in response.

“Am I understood?” Harry asked, and Teddy jerked his head up and down.

“Yes, sir.”

Harry pulled his hand away, and Teddy was able to sign the final line. Harry put his signature below Teddy’s, then set it aside and stood straighter.

“Thank you, Mr. Lupin.” He held his hand out and Teddy shook it. “I look forward to having you work with us, and I trust you know exactly what to do to best protect my son.”

“Call me Teddy, please,” Teddy insisted.

“How did you get that nickname?” Harry asked, retrieving a little black box from his desk drawer and walking around the desk.

Teddy picked up the folder and followed Harry towards the door. “My grandfather’s name was Edward Tonks, his nickname was Ted, so I inherited it.”

“Tonks, that name is familiar,” Harry muttered to himself, and Teddy winced.

“Possibly from my mother,” he guessed. “She worked at Scotland Yard and was notably accomplished.”

“You said your father was a professor?”

“Right.”

“What do they do now?”

Teddy just rubbed over the smooth surface of the folder. “They actually… they passed quite a while ago.”

Harry stopped with his hand on the doorknob, giving Teddy an empathetic look. “I’m sorry.”

Teddy just shook his head. “It was a long time ago.”

“That’s something we have in common,” Harry said somewhat bitterly, though he was smiling.

Teddy offered his own weak smile in return.

James was just outside across the hall, sitting on the floor with his knees hugged to his chest and his chin propped on top of them. He scrambled to his feet when Harry opened the door, eyes flickering to Teddy before focusing on his father.

“So now what?” He asked, and Harry put his hands into his trouser pockets.

“Starting today, Teddy will be your bodyguard, personal driver, and live-in security.” 

James looked both devastated and intrigued, like he was fully against having a bodyguard but had lost all will to argue about it.

“I’ll walk you down to the car. You have classes starting at noon, don’t you?”

“Yes,” James replied tonelessly, and Harry turned towards the elevator.

“Then you might want to run home and take a shower. Maybe change into something cleaner.”

James flushed red and looked down at his hoodie, looking embarrassed. Teddy waited for him to start following Harry before taking the back. That was his job after all, to follow James around and make sure he was safe. He may as well start immediately.

Harry led them out into the car park just beside the main building where the employees parked, and James began looking around in confusion.

“Where’s my car?” He asked.

Harry turned, holding up the black box he’d taken from his desk. “Your mum and I decided it was too recognizable,” he explained, “so Mr. Lupin will be driving you around in a new vehicle.”

James looked notably distressed. “But I like my car.”

“You can have it back when it’s safe for you to be on your own again.”

James looked several shades of frustrated, but he just shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at his feet. Harry handed the black box to Teddy, who stared at it blankly for a moment before opening it. He lifted out a key-ring that was almost too fancy. He didn’t even recognize the emblem on the side of the little remote, but that wasn’t surprising. Teddy wasn’t familiar with expensive cars.

When Harry brought them over to an elegant black car, James made a noise. “You got a Bentley?”

Harry waved at the car. “It seemed like a good chauffeur vehicle. It’s big enough, there are good specs, and it’s safe.”

“Bugger off,” James croaked, looking starry eyed and devastated at the same time, like he loved the car but hated that he loved it.

“You’re in charge of this,” Harry said to Teddy. “Contact me anytime, keep me updated, and you.” He looked at James. “Take a shower.”

James twisted his lips into a pout, and Harry squeezed Teddy’s right shoulder as he passed. Teddy watched him leave, and when they were alone he turned to the car. James said nothing as Teddy opened the back door for him, and the only time he talked was when Teddy started the car and the GPS turned on.

“He already put in my address,” he said, leaning over the back seat to glare at the screen. “Brilliant.”

“I won’t start driving until you’re buckled,” Teddy warned, and James flopped into the back seat, securing his buckle and dropping his head against the headrest as Teddy started driving forward.

It was immediately awkward between them. The car was completely silent. Every time Teddy looked at the rearview mirror to see if James was sleeping or something, he was leaning against the car door with his arms folded against it, staring out the heavily tinted window.

Teddy figured it was a good thing the windows were so dark from the outside. No one would be able to see the interior of the car. In fact, Teddy got a sneaky suspicion that the windows were actually tinted darker than was legal. Considering Harry was in Kingsley’s good graces, they probably had an understanding.

It wasn’t surprising that James looked so tired. There were bags under his eyes almost heavier and darker than Teddy’s. He had to keep reminding himself that he was driving this man around because he was being stalked, and everytime he did, his grip around the steering wheel tightened as a shudder of anger went through him. The fact that anyone would do that to an innocent person was unreal. James didn’t look bad aside from being tired, but Teddy imagined he would see a lot of the effects from the past year once he started living in James’ flat.

“Do you want to listen to the radio at all?” Teddy asked, and James rolled his head, though he kept his eyes out the window.

“Not really.”

“Alright,” Teddy said. “Let me know.”

It was quiet for a moment, but Teddy could feel James’ eyes now on him. The other man started to speak after a few more quiet seconds. “So why did you take this job?” He asked, and Teddy shrugged.

“Dunno. It seemed like a good idea, I suppose.”

“I imagine my father is paying well,” James muttered, and Teddy felt his face tighten in dislike.

“I took the job because he seemed desperate,” Teddy explained. “I don’t care about money. I just… felt for him.”

“For my old man?”

Teddy stared at the road, feeling frustrated and offended at the same time. “He was worried about you, and I felt for him because he felt helpless. I wanted to help. That’s why I took this job.”

“You took the job because you’re just that nice of a guy, then? The money is nothing to you?”

Teddy swallowed the knot in his throat and took a slow breath in. Getting angry wasn’t going to help anything. James was probably just suspicious and paranoid. That made sense after spending a year under so much stress. Yelling at him because he’d offended Teddy just wasn’t fair.

“It’s fine if you want to think I’m doing this for money,” he said simply, “but I’m not. Take whatever time you need to trust me.”

James didn’t respond, but Teddy could still feel the eyes on him.

When he reached James’ home he eyed the area as he got out of the car, opening the back door and standing to the side as if to block James from view. James already had his hood up, and walked towards the front door with his head down and his shoulders hunched.

The moment they were inside and Teddy had the door shut, James turned to him, keeping his head down as he pulled the hood off. “I’m sorry,” he said, and Teddy froze to the spot. “I didn’t… mean to imply anything, if I did, I just…”

“It’s alright,” Teddy said gently, wanting to reach out and comfort James, “but thank you.” He looked around the interior of the flat curiously. “It’s only nine. Your classes start at twelve?”

“Today’s classes,” James mumbled, shuffling his feet. “Feel free to familiarize yourself with the place. I don’t have any secret rooms you can’t go in or anything like that. You’ll be taking the second room; already furnished. If you need to pick something up at your apartment you can go get that. I’ll give you a spare key.”

“If it’s all the same to you, I’ll just pick a bag up after your classes are over,” Teddy said. “I’d rather not leave you on your own.”

James shrugged. “Do what you want.” He turned away and shuffled down the hall, probably to get ready for his classes.

Teddy stayed frozen until he heard the shower turn on. He locked the door before making his way through each room, checking the windows and closing the curtains. When he reached James’ room he paused to listen for the running water, letting himself through the door after ensuring James wouldn’t catch him.

It was less of a mess than he’d expected. The bed was unmade, the desk was disorganized, and there were clothes thrown over the chair in the corner, but other than that it was clean and smelled nice. The window was already locked, so Teddy shut the curtains before walking over to the bedside table.

His eyes went to the cup sitting next to the clock, not surprised by what he could smell from it. Teddy didn’t like that James seemed to be drinking, quite a bit if it was next to his bed. It made him feel even more uneasy when he recognized the small pack of pills sitting beside the glass. It was the same sleeping aid that Teddy took. The fact a doctor would actually prescribe the medication proved how much James was suffering; unable to sleep because of his paranoia and fear.

Teddy could only hope that his presence would relax James enough to sleep without the need of pills; or alcohol.

Teddy left the room without removing anything, shutting the door behind him and finding the kitchen. He searched the cabinets, refrigerator, and freezer until he’d found all the whiskey and beer in the flat. There was more than he would have liked, and Teddy’s heart broke.

His father used to drink on particularly bad days. He went through a lot and suffered exponentially for the large majority of his life. His mum would say that his father was a lot better than he used to be, he didn’t drink as much as he used to, but Teddy distinctly remembered the pain he felt when he saw the man get himself a drink. He also remembered how his father would dump it out when Teddy started to cry.

Teddy decided to leave it alone, sighing and walking over to check the landline. There were no missed messages, so Teddy left the kitchen and wandered into the living area. He was at the bookshelf when James finally came out. He was dressed in neater clothing and his hair had been brushed out and tied back. His hair had been so messy before that Teddy hadn’t realized it was long enough to tie up. Cleaned up like he was, James looked incredible. Teddy quickly turned to the bookshelf so he wouldn’t get caught staring.

“Familiar with everything?” James asked.

Teddy turned away from the bookshelf. “Yes. I also checked the windows and doors, just to be sure.”

James nodded slowly, sitting on the couch and pulling his feet onto the cushions before grabbing the television remote.

“Have you eaten breakfast?” Teddy asked.

“Yeah.”

“Really,” Teddy arched an eyebrow.

James kept his eyes on the television. “I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something,” Teddy chided. “Even if it’s something small.”

James just sighed in irritation. “Fine.”

“Let me.” Teddy walked around the couch when James started to stand up.

“Was cooking for me also a part of the job description?” James asked.

Teddy snorted. “My job is to look after you any way I need to.”

“I know how to cook for myself.” James leaned over the back of his couch. "I'm not helpless."

Teddy grinned at him. “Then you can cook for me next,” he said, and James stared at him, pressing his lips into a thin line as red painted his cheeks.

He tried to hide his blush against the cushions of the couch as Teddy turned away to enter the kitchen. One of the things Kingsley, Astoria, and all his doctors tried to hammer into his head was how important it was for him to eat regularly, even if he didn’t have the energy to do anything else. It was just one more way Teddy would have to look after James, to help him take care of himself despite how stressful the situation with his stalker was.

The energy between them was a little less tense, but Teddy knew James wasn’t sure what to think of him.  He hoped that things would get better between them since Teddy was meant to be there for a while.  They didn’t  _ have  _ to be friends, they just had to deal with each other for however long was necessary. If at the end of this James never wanted to speak to Teddy again, Teddy wouldn’t take it personally. It was just business after all.  As long as Teddy did his job and kept James safe, then it didn't matter.


	5. i’d rather fuel a fantasy (than deal with this alone)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

There was only one thing on James’ mind between meeting Teddy for the first time and getting into the car for his uni classes: Edward Lupin was far more dedicated to this whole ‘bodyguard’ gig than James had been expecting. It had only been a few hours, but the way he prepared breakfast and stayed close to James when he left the house _ — _ eyeing the neighborhood with piercing eyes and shielding James from view as he slipped into the backseat of the Bentley Mulsanne _ — _ made James think he would make the perfect boyfriend.

Part of James still wanted to call the man out for only doing this for the money, but he couldn’t stop thinking of the disgust on Teddy's face when James accused him of taking advantage of the situation. Maybe he really was just a nice guy who wanted to help.

It would be a lot easier if he wasn’t, though. If Teddy really was a money grubbing, self important asshole, it would make him less attractive. So far he’d proven himself to be kind and genuine, but it was still the first day. If James could keep his head on straight there wouldn’t be any problems, but he hadn’t gone on a date or brought anyone home in over a year; since the night that ended up in the papers.

James was stressed out, tired, sexually frustrated; and Teddy Lupin was entirely too handsome.

James’ instant attraction towards him was probably not what Harry had in mind, but that was his own fault for hiring someone so totally James’ type. James was almost certain that having a relationship with his live-in bodyguard and chauffeur was number one on the ‘do not do’ list, but if they ended up shagging in the back of his new Bentley, he couldn’t be blamed. He was a simple man with simple needs. It wasn’t his fault that he felt the need to try and seduce his bodyguard.

There were still issues, though. Teddy wasn’t his bedmate after all, he was his bodyguard. So when they parked at the University and Teddy opened the car door, James just stared at him.

“You don’t plan on following me to all my classes, do you?”

Teddy smiled. “I will if I have to,” he said.

James could only imagine how absurd it was going to look with this man following him around at school. How was he supposed to explain this to teachers and classmates?

“Would you mind sitting in the hall at least?” He asked uneasily.

Teddy shrugged one shoulder. “We’ll see.”

James worried about what that meant, but thankfully all Teddy did was walk James to class before taking a step back. Teddy would ask if James wanted him in the room or not, but James said no each time. That would have made things so much more annoying. James had no idea where Teddy went or what he did while he was in class, but he was always there waiting when James walked out of the lecture hall.

Towards the end of the day, James noticed Teddy looking more and more out of it. His face seemed to be growing paler, his eyes were somewhat glazed. He looked tired, but he was still attentive and focused, eyes continuously searching the halls and shielding James at certain points of the day.

For the most part people didn’t really seem to care that Teddy was there. They got no strange looks and no one asked James who Teddy was. Half of James was annoyed; who wouldn’t notice someone like Teddy, with his interesting choice of clothing and his dyed blue hair? The other half of James was pleased no one was picking up on his strange presence.

The shame and embarrassment of needing protection was less potent when people didn’t notice how miserable James was.

Teddy seemed fine as he followed James down the halls towards the last class of the day. When James looked back he noticed the man was looking at his wristwatch, looking uncomfortable.

“Are you late to something?” James asked.

Teddy lifted his startled eyes. “No, sorry.” He pushed his hand into his pocket, smiling. “What class do you have next?”

“German,” James said, turning away from Teddy to watch the hall. “Dad insisted I take another foreign language class, so I chose German. It’s supposed to come in handy later when I start working at the Company.”

There was no response, so James looked over his shoulder again to make sure Teddy was still there. He was, and his face had gone bleach white. James paused in his steps and Teddy walked into him, looking down at James in shock.

“What is it?” James asked before Teddy could get a word out. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” His voice was steady, but he felt shaken by how ill Teddy suddenly looked.

“Oh, no, I’m alright,” Teddy promised, but he didn’t smile. “How long does this class run for?”

James hesitated to answer. “About an hour and a half, sometimes two.”

“Okay.” Teddy walked past James, who shuffled after him. “Who… who’s the professor?”

James shrugged, though Teddy couldn’t see him. “Man named Greyback. Not my worst teacher, but not my favorite.”

There was no response that time, so they fell back into a mutual silence. It wasn’t until James noticed they were at the door to his German class that he realized Teddy had led him there. He had no idea how Teddy could have known where this particular room was, but decided not to ask about it as the older man turned away.

“I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.”

“You’re not going to ask me if I want you to sit in with me this time?”

Teddy was still as a statue with his back to James. After a moment he turned around to look at him. “I will if you want me to,” he said with a slight tone of honest enthusiasm, though he looked exhausted. “If you feel unsafe I’ll come in.” His brow wrinkled and he made a move closer to James, who tensed up. “Does this man, the teacher, make you feel uncomfortable?”   


“What? My professor? No, I just… he’s a weird dude but he’s not dangerous. He’s just a guy. I don’t feel unsafe, I’m fine. That’s sort of why this bothers me, you being here, because this is my school. Nothing’s going to happen to me at my school. I’m fine! I’m safe! Bloody hell, just go wait in the car!”

Teddy looked like he was half ready to argue, but he didn’t. He just took a step away from James and nodded. He looked suspicious and resentful as his eyes locked on the door to the classroom, but his gaze softened back to a tired acceptance when he looked at James.

“I’ll be in the car then.”

“Fine. Go.” James pointed down the hall, and Teddy obediently turned away, leaving before any of the other students showed up.

James felt on edge and bothered for the entire class. It felt like he’d quarreled with a friend he’d known his entire life; which was ridiculous. He knew nothing about Teddy, but he was expected to live with and spend essentially every minute of the day with him. That bothered James.

What was the harm of trying to get to know the man a little? Sure he was only guarding James because it was his job, but they could still be friends, couldn’t they? Harry never said anything about keeping their distance from each other. James wouldn’t have listened anyway. Maybe if they understood each other better, it would be easier to deal with this partnership; and James wouldn’t get so annoyed.

“Mr. Potter.” Professor Greyback addressed him as he was putting his books back into his bag, walking up to the desk as the other students filed from the room. He looked disappointed, and it had James growing incredibly nervous. “I was grading papers, and noticed that you still haven’t turned in your essay.”

James felt baffled as he closed his bag and stood up. “I definitely sent it in, Professor. I finished it last week, I promise.”

“Well, I haven’t received it yet.” James was about to apologize and recommend the man check his email spam folder, but he hadn’t even opened his mouth before Greyback reached out to set a hand gently on his arm. “You’re a good student, James, but you’ve been distracted this semester. Has something been going on at home?”

The question had James feeling frantic to get out of the room, not wanting to discuss the situation. He was barely able to explain what was going on to his father, he certainly didn’t want to talk about it with his university professor. He barely knew this man.

“No.” He shook his head. “I just have a lot of classes and homework. I did finish that essay. I have it on my laptop, I’ll just send it again tonight.”

“You’re sure you’re alright?” Greyback asked, moving closer, and James leaned away, nodding his head and pulling his bag onto his shoulder. He stepped down the aisle between the desks to get further away from the man.

“Yeah. I would talk longer, but I have to leave. A friend of mine is waiting for me outside.”

“A friend?”

“Yeah. He’ll be in town for a while.” James was babbling the excuse they’d come up with. “So I’ve been spending some time with him.”

Greyback looked curious. “Well thank you for coming to class despite having a friend in town.”

James grinned back at him. “Sure. I like this class, so it’s fine.”

Greyback seemed pleased by that, and James said goodbye before leaving the room. He was all too happy when he caught sight of the Bentley still parked and waiting for him. He let himself into the backseat before Teddy had a chance to leave the car. The man seemed to have been sleeping with an open uni pamphlet covering his eyes. He jerked in the seat when James slammed the door shut, the pamphlet falling onto his lap, one hand grabbing something at his side as his other grabbed the steering wheel. He took a moment to calm down and sigh when he realized James was the one who’d slipped into the car.

James laughed. “Did I wake you up?”

Teddy cleared his throat, shaking his head and picking up the keys. “Have you finished your classes for the day?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there anything you need to get done before I bring you home?”

James thought about it as Teddy turned the car on and started to pull out. “No, but you mentioned needing to stop and pick a few things up at your apartment?”

“Is that alright?”

“Yeah, I don’t care. I’m not gonna make you move in without any of your clothes. I doubt mine would fit you.” James was sitting on the center console between the driver’s and front passengers seats. “I wouldn’t mind buying you an entirely new wardrobe, though.”

“That’s nice of you.” Teddy said in amusement. “I already have a bag packed. I just have to pick it up, it won’t take long.” He turned to look at James. “Now sit down and buckle yourself up.”

James rolled his eyes. “Yes,  _ mum.” _

He kept his mouth shut when they drove up to the rather dumpy apartment building and parked. James stayed seated as he watched Teddy slip out of the car and enter through the front door. Glancing around nervously, he took in the area around him. It was a far cry from the upscale neighborhood he lived in. 

Teddy returned with only two trunks that he put in the boot of the car before getting back in the driver's seat.

“That’s it?” James blurted, and Teddy gave him a rather cheeky grin through the rearview mirror.

“I’m a simple man, I don’t need to bring much with me.”

“Hmm.”

James pulled his hood up when they reached his flat, not arguing when Teddy opened the door for him and shielded him with his own body. He stayed just close enough that James actually felt a sense of ease and wasn’t worried about people seeing him. When he got inside he dropped his bag onto a chair and shrugged off his hoodie before going into the kitchen to search the cupboards and refrigerator for a meal to prepare.

Meanwhile Teddy brought in his trunks, locking the door and testing it to make sure it was secure before bringing his things to the guest bedroom. James had food already on the island counter by the time Teddy walked back out, looking genuinely surprised at the meal.

James was holding an open bottle of stout, arching an eyebrow when Teddy stood there dumbfounded for a minute too long. “What?”

Teddy waved at the food. “You cooked all this?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just,” he paused, “didn’t expect you would actually cook.”

“You were the one who said I should,” James said with a laugh. “Are you all moved in?”

“Mostly.” Teddy sat down on one of the stools across from James, eyeing the beer in his hand.

“Want one?” James offered, holding the bottle up. “It’s a pretty good brand; tastes like chocolate.”

Teddy shook his head, folding his arms against the counter. “I don’t drink.”

“Really?” James hummed, setting his beer down and walking over to the fridge to pull out a can of soda. “How about this?”

“I can do that,” Teddy smiled, accepting the can when James handed it to him.

James sat down on a stool across from Teddy, picking at the food on his plate with a fork but not really looking down at it. Instead, he was watching Teddy as he looked over the food curiously.

“Where did you learn to cook?” Teddy asked. Maybe he felt James watching him, or maybe he was genuinely curious. 

“My dad taught me,” James replied with a shrug.

Teddy lifted his head, eyes wide. “Really? I never would have guessed that.”

James tapped his fork against his plate. “You think we just had a personal chef or something?”

Teddy arched an eyebrow. “Can you blame me?”

“Suppose not.” James picked up his stout again, taking a drink and staring off to the side. “My family has had money for a long time, but that doesn’t mean we don’t know how to take care of ourselves. My dad used to cook with his parents. We have a cookbook,” he held his hands up, attempting to demonstrate the book's thickness. “Like this big. Just filled with recipes passed down from both sides of my family. My grandma, Molly Weasley, is an amazing cook. My dad is a good cook too. Do you cook? More than snacks and microwavable food I mean.”

Teddy laughed. “I can’t cook like this. I know enough to keep myself from starving.”

“Did your parents teach you anything?” James asked, and Teddy seemed to hesitate before looking down.

“My mum cooked a little, but not very well,” he said. “My dad did most of it. I remember bits of what he showed me, but not as much as I would like.”

James could feel the slight change in the air, so he tried to change the subject. “I can teach you something, if you’d like.” Teddy looked up at him, and James felt suddenly embarrassed. “I mean, you’re going to be here for a while.” Teddy seemed to be considering it, but didn’t answer, so James tried again. “So tell me about yourself.” He lifted his beer up to take another drink, and Teddy gave a short laugh.

“Ah, I don’t _ — _ ”

“I’ll go first.” James set his beer down. “If you’re going to be protecting me or whatever, you may as well know who I am. Right?”

Teddy just leaned one elbow against the counter, looking far more amused than James would have liked. “Go on, then.” It sounded like a challenge, and James confidently continued, trying to pretend this wasn’t remarkably similar to a first date.

“Alright. I’m the oldest of three, named for my grandfather and my father’s godfather. People close to me just call me Jamie. I’m twenty-five and I’ve been studying business in Uni for  _ way  _ too long. I’m supposed to take over after my dad retires, so I’ve been working towards that mess. I have a really big family, including nine cousins. They visit sometimes, so don’t scare them away, alright?”

“Do I seem scary to you?” Teddy asked, and James squinted, making a noise of thought.

“I can’t decide.”

“A diplomatic answer,” Teddy noted, and James grinned. “Has your family visited much over the last year?”

Instantly the smile James was wearing started to fall, and he cleared his throat, looking down. “I’ve been busy the past year.”

“When’s the last time you saw any of them?”

James got the feeling Teddy was trying to interrogate him, either unconsciously or actively. Maybe he deserved to know the details of the past year, but James wasn’t certain how much he wanted to tell; or how much he could say before he got anxious. Bringing the envelope of letters collected over thirteen months to Harry nearly had James breaking down in his office, and James didn’t really know Teddy. He knew he was supposed to be able to trust officers of the law like Teddy used to be, and he was definitely supposed to trust his personal bodyguard, but still.

“I didn’t want them getting caught up in my mess,” James decided to say, clearing his throat a second time. “It’s been a while.”

“Maybe you should invite them over,” Teddy encouraged, and James felt the childish desire to drop his fork and storm into his bedroom.

Instead he just huffed. “You heard me say I don’t want them caught up in my mess, yeah?”

“I heard you, but when you’re in a situation like this, it’s good to have the support of family and people who love you.” Teddy was looking down as he spoke. “If you’re worried about their safety, that’s what I’m here for.” He met James’ eye and offered him a confident smile, and unexpectedly, the anxiety that had been building seemed to completely disappear.

James didn’t know how it was possible, after months of going through it, but he  _ trusted  _ Teddy; because his smile was so warm? Or because he always spoke so softly? Maybe because he got so annoyed when James accused him of doing this for money, and James felt endeared by that? Or maybe it was because Teddy was really hot and James was just that easily swayed. He liked to think that it was because he knew, deep down—despite being so tired after a year of being harassed—that the majority of people were still good. Teddy was good. James wanted to believe that.

“I feel like I did something wrong.” James was talking before he’d given himself a chance to keep his mouth shut. “The media outed me before this started, and I just think… that must be why. Maybe this wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t me.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Teddy said gently, softer than his voice usually was. “This did not happen because you came out. Stalking is a complicated situation. Odds are whoever did this would have contacted you eventually. It may have taken longer for him to show himself, but he likely still would have.”

“Nice of you to say,” James muttered, taking another drink of his stout. He’d barely touched his dinner. “All I’m doing is worrying my parents and causing problems. My dad used to tease all three of us, threatening to get us bodyguards. A whole fleet of guards to keep us safe. The fact he actually hired someone... I’m the one who pushed him that far. No offense, you seem like a nice guy, I just…”

“No, it’s okay. I completely understand how frustrated you must feel.” Teddy quickly reassured James. “You go your whole life being independent and strong, then something happens and the people around you are suddenly obsessed with  _ helping  _ you,  _ protecting  _ you. Treating you so delicately you start to feel more vulnerable and out of control than you’d like.”

James was startled by the comment. It was unexpectedly precise. Something in his stomach twisted. He felt something between them that was a little too empathetic, and the look on Teddy’s face was a little too understanding. As if he knew exactly what James was feeling and what to say to make him feel better.

“Have you ever had a stalker?” James asked, and Teddy shook his head, a partial smile on his lips.

“No, but everyone has history they don’t like to remember.” James had no idea what to say in response to that, but luckily didn’t have to as Teddy opened his can of soda and continued. “My experiences are not the same as yours, but I still might be able to help you through this. I’ll protect you as well as I can, and make it so you feel safe. If you need it, I have the name of an excellent psychiatrist.”

The last comment made James laugh, and he downed the rest of his stout before setting the empty bottle aside. “I don’t think I’m there yet,” he said, moving to stand up so he could retrieve another bottle.

Teddy reached over the counter to grab him around the wrist, and James froze as he watched Teddy pick up the otherwise untouched can of soda and set it in front of him. Releasing James, he picked up the empty bottle of beer before standing up.

“It’s easy to lose yourself to this kind of thing,” Teddy explained as he held the bottle. “People get addicted to the vices that distract them from everyday pains.”

James sat back down, offended by the implication. “I’m not an alcoholic.”

“Forgive me for wanting to keep it that way.” Teddy walked around the counter, and James continued to glare at the soda as Teddy tossed the bottle away. “Just a tip, but medication usually works better when you take it with water.” James felt his cheeks burn from embarrassment, pressing his lips tightly together. “Does your father know you were prescribed sleeping pills?”

James shook his head. “If he knew about that, hiring me a bodyguard would have been the least of my problems.” His voice shook a little, and he swallowed down the knot in his throat. “You looked in my bedroom.”

“I wanted to check the windows and noticed the blister pack,” Teddy explained. “A piece of me wants to apologize for invading your privacy, but if it has to do with your wellbeing and safety? I suppose I don’t actually feel bad about nagging you and worrying.”

James felt overwhelmed, pushing away the soda and the plate of food before propping his elbows against the counter. He rubbed his hands over his face and into his hair. He’d barely eaten, but he wasn’t hungry anymore. He wanted to sleep.

“Here.” James pulled his hands down and folded them in front of his mouth as Teddy set a glass of water in front of him. “Drink something. Then you should lay down. You look tired.”

James didn’t have the energy to argue, picking up the glass of water and drinking half of it before standing up. When he reached the hall he stopped, turning around to look into the kitchen where Teddy was cleaning up.

“Lupin.” Teddy paused and looked over at him. “He calls at the same time every night, whether I answer or not. If I don’t answer, he just keeps calling until I do. Or until he gets bored I suppose.”

Teddy’s expression became stony. “What time?”

“Between midnight and two in the morning,” James replied, looking down at his shoes. “I don’t… want to answer anymore.”

“You don’t have to,” Teddy stated, nodding behind James. “Go lie down. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

James wanted to say he didn’t need protection, to repeat the same thing he’d said to Harry, the same thing he’d been telling himself for months now. He was okay, he was safe, he could take care of himself, and he didn’t need help; but he couldn’t anymore. He was so tired. Just one person would be fine, wouldn’t it? Letting just one person see him vulnerable, even if it wasn’t family. At the very least, Teddy would be kind because it was his job.

“Goodnight.”

“Sleep well. Oh,” he smiled at James, “and please, call me Teddy.”


	6. don’t let go, I don’t wanna do this alone (don’t let go, I know that I’ll drown on my own)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

Remus Lupin was a professor for years before his death. When Teddy was younger, his father would bring him to the university with him on the days when his mother was at work and his grandparents couldn’t watch him. He had vivid memories of being held in Remus’ arms, propped on his hip as he taught a full class of students. He could remember the soothing sound of the man’s voice as it spoke English, then Welsh, then German. He remembered playing in that classroom, playing in his father’s office, the other teachers gushing over him and congratulating the German professor on how beautiful his son was.

Teddy had expected the nostalgia that came with being at the old University his father taught at, but he hadn’t been expecting the bitterness and resentment that came when he followed James to his father’s old classroom. Where a new man stood in Remus’ place.

At that point in the day, Teddy was remembering his medicine schedule, and the fact that he had missed at least one dose. After almost two years of actively taking the same medicine at the same times every day, that wasn’t good. The added pressure of being at his father’s old workplace brought up more of those memories he didn’t want to remember. Whoever the professor was that took over after Remus, Teddy didn’t even want to look at him. It was probably against the contract that Teddy had signed, but he didn’t wait for James. He couldn’t.

It was fine though. Teddy could get used to the stress of being around his father’s old work place just as easily as he’d gotten used to working at his mother’s. He could get used to seeing a man who wasn’t his father teaching in his place. He was nothing if not adaptable.

He lived at James Potter’s flat for two weeks. It wasn’t hard work, and most of the time it was actually rather relaxing. Teddy and Harry set up a time once a week where James would be at the company with his father while Teddy went to his appointments with Astoria. James didn’t know where Teddy disappeared to, but he was clearly suspicious. When he asked, Teddy shrugged and said it was just some personal business he needed to deal with.

Teddy could deal with the suspicion and curiosity, not really knowing each other even after two weeks of living together. He did his best to keep his distance from James because of that little rule Harry had laid out; to not get tied up in a relationship with James that went beyond professional. Teddy was starting to understand there was danger of that. He wasn’t an idiot.

The one thing Teddy struggled with during the two weeks he’d been living with James was the way James looked at him when he thought Teddy wasn’t paying attention. He could feel the heated eyes on him when he turned away to do something, and noticed the way James quickly looked away whenever Teddy would turn his head back. There were times when their eyes would meet and James would go from intrigued to awestruck, then quickly duck his head. Teddy felt like he was walking a razor's edge whenever their eyes met. He was afraid that if one of them didn’t look away in time, then they would be stuck, and something would happen that they couldn’t reverse.

Teddy had no right to argue about what James did or didn’t wear in his own home, but he got the suspicion that James would waltz around with his button up shirt buttoned down on purpose. Making the entire thing all the more difficult to deal with. Teddy had good self control, though. James may have been one of the most handsome men he’d ever met, but there were a lot of reasons Teddy couldn’t give in to that kind of thing.

He hadn’t been in a relationship since before the incident that lost him his job. After breaking up with his last girlfriend, and enduring the hospital and months of recovery, Teddy didn’t think he was in the right position to be entering a relationship. That wasn’t even including the fact Teddy was contractually obligated to  _ not  _ sleep with his boss's son.

There were a lot of reasons he couldn’t pursue James, and just as much saying that James shouldn’t be pursuing Teddy. Though that was exactly what he seemed to be doing. It could have been seen as a positive that he was still interested in that kind of thing despite the calls and letters that had been making James paranoid for the past year. In that case, Teddy wasn’t entirely certain what the end game could mean for them.

It wasn’t like the calls had stopped, either. That was one of Teddy’s most prominent concerns. The first night there he’d turned down the ringtone so James wouldn’t be able to hear it, and had chosen not to sleep at all for the night. Instead he opted to sit in the living room with a book, so he was awake when the phone started to ring at one in the morning. Just as James had predicted it would.

He answered the phone but said nothing, and a low, crooked voice came through the line. “You answered. I’m happy. I’ve wanted to hear your voice.” When Teddy didn’t reply, the man spoke again. “Are you angry? Did I make you mad? I didn’t mean to. Tell me how your classes are going.” A pause, Teddy felt increasingly uncomfortable. “That’s alright. Did you get my last letter? I wrote it with as much love as I’m capable; and more.” That comment alone had Teddy’s stomach twisting, his teeth gritting.

He hung up before the man could speak anymore, then sat on the closest stool. He pulled out a notebook and logged the time whenever the phone rang, writing down what the man had said before to tell Kingsley later. Teddy knew enough about behavioral sciences to assess a base for who this man was through the phone calls, and the letters he’d read.

A loner by nature most likely, someone who hid his aggression with proper attire and a normal job. No one would assume what kind of danger he posed just by seeing him or meeting him once. He would appear meek and mild mannered; excessively polite. He hid who he was and only let it out when no one could see him. People like that, the people who put on a face that everyone fell for while hiding dangerous attributes, were some of the worst people around; and one of them had fixated on James, who did not deserve it.

James was a good person, kinder than Teddy had expected. In his biased mind, he assumed every rich bloke he ever met would be exactly the same; self important, spoiled, holier than thou, with no sense of discretion or care for anyone but themselves and their money. James was nothing like that. He may have been eccentric and wild in a lot of ways—confident and proud—but he wasn’t cruel by any means.

James cried when he watched movies or read a particularly emotional book. He fell asleep when studying and kept a dictionary under his bed in case he needed to look something up. He knew how to cook, and actually had a rather healthy diet; wrote lists and recycled. He was truly a kind man, and Teddy was happy to be protecting him.

Not that it was difficult. Aside from the phone calls, there had been no other developments regarding the stalker.

Perhaps he’d realized the Potter’s had contacted the police, or maybe he’d seen Teddy with James and that had worried him. Teddy decided to just be happy that nothing bad had happened, yet. Going by Teddy’s track record, something would end up happening eventually, but he worked to prepare for it and did his part to keep James safe and comfortable.

“How’s your job going?” Astoria was asking during their third session since Teddy had taken the job and moved in with James.

He shrugged his shoulders, scratching at the scar on his neck. “It’s pretty consistent so far. No surprises as of yet, but it’s still pretty early.”

“What is it you said you were doing?”

“I didn’t,” Teddy admitted. “I’m… not really supposed to talk about the details. I’m essentially just _ — _ ” He cut himself off and blushed. “An Uber driver.”

Astoria burst out laughing and Teddy pouted, sinking deeper into his chair. “I told you that would be a good option!”

“Shut up.”

“I’m glad you found a good job that hasn’t been stressing you out,” Astoria praised. “You’ve been taking your medication?”

“Yeah.  I missed a dose a few weeks ago, but I've remembered since.”

“You should set an alarm if you’re worried about forgetting again.”

“I have a few on my phone for emergencies. I know it’s important that I don't forget.” He stared at the pristine shine of Astoria’s shoes for a moment before continuing. “I don’t like having to rely on pills all the time.”

“Do they help?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s alright.” Astoria scribbled something down; probably a tiny note regarding being worried Teddy might stop taking his medicine and to watch him. “If you’re in a position where these things can legitimately help your mental and physical health, then it’s appropriate and necessary to take them. One day we may be able to wean you off of them so you don’t have to rely on them so heavily, but for now I want you to keep taking them. You’ve been exercising regularly?”

Teddy dropped his head against the back of the seat, recalling all the times James would walk in on him doing push ups or sit ups in the living room and just stand there staring for a moment before asking what he was doing. Teddy couldn’t exactly explain that he was doing physical therapy to keep his body from shutting down.

“Yeah, every day as usual. I haven’t been running much because I’ve been working and don’t have a treadmill where I’ve been staying.”

“I’d like you to try getting back into that,” Astoria chided. “You can still run the block every morning.”

Teddy winced at the idea of leaving James alone for even a moment, but didn’t want to outright say no. He nodded. “Yeah, I can.”

“It’s good for you, remember. Staying in shape and staying healthy will benefit you in the end. Good stamina is important, and having steady health will help the breakdown of the medicine you take.”

“I know.” Teddy tapped the arms of the chair with his fingers.

“So is there anyone special in your life this week?”

Teddy wrinkled his nose as James’ face flashed in front of him, lifting his head away from the chair to glare at Astoria’s bright smile. “Still no. Thanks for asking. I know it’s your job, but honestly, the answer isn’t going to change.”

“Just checking.” She looked way too happy.

“How’s  _ your  _ personal life going?” Teddy asked, waving towards the picture on Astoria’s desk, and she laughed again. “Didn’t expect that, did you?”

“My personal life is going fine, thank you.” She humored him. “You should meet them sometime. I’m sure you could, if you called once in a while.” She arched her brow and Teddy shrugged.

“I never need to. Isn’t that a good thing?”

Astoria hummed and wrote down something else. "You could always come around for a cup of tea or something. My husband wouldn't mind."

Teddy snorted. "Isn't it favoritism to ask me to tea when I'm one of your clients?"

"Is it?" Astoria asked. "I don't pick favorites, Mr. Lupin."

"Clearly."

Astoria set her clipboard on her desk, smoothing out her skirt. "I'm glad you've found a job you seem to enjoy. I hope it brings you some kind of direction, or at least a distraction; and that it's not _ too _ dangerous."

Teddy put a hand on his chest. "Me? Have a dangerous job? It's like you don't know me at all, Mrs. Malfoy."

It wasn't dangerous yet, at least.

Teddy was waiting in the lobby of Potter Pharmaceuticals for James and Harry, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the forest mural painted on the wall across from him.

The wristwatch he was wearing started beeping and he stood straighter, rubbing a hand into his hair and looking down at the time before stopping the alarm. He had a small pill case in his back pocket where he held medication he needed during the day; anxiety meds and some more potent things for the occasional panic attack. A lot of the stronger drugs made him completely useless because of the side effects, so he didn't like to take them at all, but he still carried them because Astoria and his doctors directed him to.

Teddy tried not to take his medications in front of James, to prevent suspicion or worrying him unnecessarily. Harry already knew Teddy had scheduled medication, but he didn't know the full reason behind it. When asked, Teddy just said he had depression. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either.

He made use of the water dispenser in the corner of the lobby, shaking his medicine into his hand and tossing it into his mouth before drinking a small cup of water. Moments later the elevator opened and James stepped out with Harry, who was holding a folder and talking.

James looked excessively bored, but when his eyes locked with Teddy's, his demeanor lit up. Teddy looked away first, crushing the paper cup in his hand and throwing it away before going over to meet the Potter's. 

"Mr. Lupin," Harry greeted, tucking the file under his arm with a smile. "Nice to see you today."

"You too. Am I late?"

"No, we only just finished." Harry put a hand on the back of James' neck. "You can drive him home now."

"Are you gonna ask  _ me  _ by any chance?" James pointed at himself. "What if I don't want to go home yet? What if I have plans?"

"Do you have plans?" Teddy asked, and James flushed before folding his arms and looking away.

"Fine. You can take me home."

Teddy smiled before looking at Harry, who was eyeing him with a pointed expression that had Teddy quickly hardening his own. He dropped the smile and cleared his throat.

Harry followed them into the parking garage, and Teddy lingered with him at the door as James cheerfully found the car.

"Any updates?" Harry asked, and Teddy shook his head. His hand instinctively moved to rub the scar on his neck.

"Nothing new. He still calls at unreasonable times, but I have the ringtone turned down so James can't hear it. No new letters. I think he must know by now that I’m there.”

Teddy felt uncomfortable admitting the stalker probably knew he was guarding James and his home. It meant the man could be growing increasingly frustrated that James was harder to contact now, but that’s what Teddy signed up for.

“And James?” Harry asked, watching his son from a distance as the younger man stared at his reflection in the window of the car, fixing his hair even though it looked fine.

“He seems to be doing well,” Teddy assured. “He’s sleeping, eating, doing his university work and talking to his cousins over the phone. It’s possible he’s trying to keep himself distracted so as not to think about his current situation, but at least he’s being productive.”

Harry nodded, looking relieved as he turned. He reached out to put a hand on Teddy’s shoulder, squeezing it as he passed. Teddy felt his head spin as Harry dug his fingers unintentionally into the damaged skin of his shoulder. It was a touch he’d given Teddy before, a reassuring shoulder squeeze or a pat on the back. It was almost fatherly, but he’d never done it to Teddy’s left shoulder before. The edges of his vision went black before rapidly returning to normal. Harry continued to squeeze his shoulder, none the wiser.

“Thank you for your help. Hopefully he hasn’t been too much trouble?” Teddy shook his head, so Harry released him and made for the door. “Contact me if there are any changes. Keep up the good work.”

“Yes, sir,” Teddy said in an automated response. He pulled the keys out as he walked towards the car, trying to pretend he wasn’t shaking.

James gave him a strange look when he opened the back door for him, but Teddy couldn’t seem to focus on his face. He waited for him to slip into the back before shutting the door and taking the driver’s seat. Teddy was on edge as he gripped the steering wheel and drove them down the road at a cruise. He focused his attention on the cars ahead of them and the street signs posted near the road. His mind kept wandering as James sat silently in the back, so he reached out to turn on the radio for some kind of distraction from his thoughts.

A soft song he didn’t recognize came on. The beat was pleasant, but Teddy couldn’t hear the lyrics or the voice. He could still feel Harry’s hand on his shoulder; the sensation morphing to the memory of cotton bandages, tightened skin from ointment and fresh scarring, and a soft hospital bed that was almost too uncomfortable. The music faded out and Teddy could hear sirens, tiny sobs from a child he didn’t know, his godfather shouting for him, and a deafening boom that left his ears ringing.

“Teddy!” James’ yell pulled Teddy back into the present just in time to realize they’d drifted into the wrong lane.

He jerked the steering wheel, frantically switching the turn signal on and driving them to the side of the road where they weren’t in any danger of wrecking or causing a wreck. His breath was coming short as he stared out the windshield, watching the traffic return to normal. Teddy was white knuckling the steering wheel, eyes wide and shoulders shaking as he attempted to focus on the Bentley emblem stamped in the middle of the steering wheel.

“Teddy? Can you hear me? Hey, say something! Come on, you gotta breathe.”

Teddy listened, sucking in a breath, but it took him a few times to actually get enough oxygen into his lungs to make a difference. Something warm was framing his face, but there was no attempt at forcing him to turn his head. Just the sensation of heat. After a moment Teddy began to recognize the feeling of fingers—of touch—lingering on his cheeks and sliding up to his temples before massaging in small circles as the fingertips dragged back down to his cheeks.

He blinked, moving one hand away from the wheel to rub over his face and flinching. His entire body felt sore, as if he’d been running a marathon. He was suddenly tired, and his mind was sluggish, slow to fully return enough to acknowledge that there was still someone in the car with him.

James was sitting on the console between the front seats, turned towards Teddy with his hands framing his face. A tiny voice in Teddy’s mind told him not to look up, but he was too tired to listen. He lifted his head and his eyes caught James’. The only thing Teddy could think of then was how beautiful James’ eyes were; deep brown, just on the verge of being too dark or too light. Like amber. The design in the iris of his eyes looked like an explosion, a blooming chrysanthemum.

Beyond that, when Teddy could see that far, James looked worried sick; his face was pale.

He looked between Teddy’s eyes. “Are you back?” He asked, and Teddy wondered where he’d gone that warranted the question.

Then he remembered, and he shut his eyes, turning his head to subtly urge James’ hands away. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s… are you okay?” James had a hand on Teddy’s right shoulder, and Teddy focused on the touch as he nodded his head, brow furrowed.

“I’m fine.”

There was a moment of silence before James spoke again. “Let me drive the rest of the way home.”

“I’m capable of driving,” Teddy argued, sitting straighter. “I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“But _ — _ ”

“We’re not far, buckle back up.”

James stayed where he was perched on the console, watching Teddy for a moment before sliding off of it and sitting back down. Teddy waited to hear the click of the seatbelt before turning the car back on and starting to drive. It was easier that time, but his head was pounding. The ache was worse by the time he parked.

Instead of making a beeline for the front door like he usually did once he’d gotten out of the vehicle, James pressed himself against Teddy’s side. He shut the car door behind him and reached an arm behind Teddy.

“What—”

“Lean on me.” James interrupted, pressing his hand firmly into Teddy’s side and leading him toward the house.

Teddy wanted to protest, but his legs felt weak, so he ended up doing exactly what James had ordered. He leaned heavily against him and reached out to brace himself against the doorframe once they’d reached it. James had the door open faster than Teddy had seen before, helping him over the threshold and kicking the door shut with his foot. He helped Teddy to the living room, where he fell bonelessly onto the couch.

James disappeared after that, and Teddy struggled to sit up, leaning against the back of the couch and shutting his eyes. A bead of sweat slid down the sensitive skin of the left side of his neck. He rubbed it away and struggled to get his leather jacket off, pushing it to the side of the couch and fumbling to get the little plastic pill case from his pocket.

The rings on his right hand kept getting caught on his jeans as he attempted to maneuver the small case from his pocket. He managed to get it out just as James walked back into the living room, carrying a glass of water in one hand and a pill in the other. Teddy squinted at it.

“What is that?”

“It’s the sleep aid I take,” James explained, sitting down next to Teddy. “It’s all I have. It’ll help you relax.”

Teddy looked away, shaking his head and presenting the little case. “I have this.”

James stared at it. “What is that?”

Teddy barely got the thing open to show tiny little sections separated by plastic dividers. There were three spaces. One of them was empty, being the medicine he’d taken earlier, and he dumped out the two remaining pills into his hand before throwing them into his mouth. He accepted the glass of water James was holding, and James said nothing as Teddy drank half of it just to make sure the pills wouldn’t leave any taste in his mouth.

“Sorry,” Teddy mumbled as he set the glass on the coffee table in front of him. “I won’t be very useful for the next few hours.” He reached out without looking, grabbing James’ hand.

He’d been aiming for his arm, but James had been reaching out when Teddy reached over. Their hands ended up brushing together, so Teddy just went with it, his fingers wrapping around James’ and squeezing.

“Please don’t leave the house. Don’t answer the door or the phone. Do you understand? Don’t go near the windows and don’t contact anyone unless it’s your father, but don’t… don’t tell him I’m like this right now.”

He didn’t have to see James’ face to know what expression he was making. The hand he wasn’t clinging to wrapped around his wrist in a gentle grip, a thumb rubbing against his palm in an unexpectedly soothing manner.

“Okay,” James agreed in a soft voice, the hand moving to Teddy’s arm. “Lie down now. I’ll get you a pillow.”

Teddy let James lead him onto his side. The drugs he’d swallowed quickly began to take effect, making him feel slow and barely conscious, but calm and relaxed. He didn’t quite recall when James got the pillow under his head, but he could feel it under his cheek, along with a hand in his hair. It wasn’t long before he’d completely passed out.


	7. you should let me love you (hold me now forever more)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

James sat on the glass coffee table with his elbows on his knees and his hands folded as he watched Teddy. His face was sickly pale and his brow was drawn in distress, but he was fast asleep on the couch. James was frustrated and anxious, his fingers gripped together almost painfully as he tried to figure out what had happened.

Teddy had been fine earlier. When he woke up, when he dropped James off with Harry after lunch, and when he’d come to pick James up an hour ago. Back in the parking garage, James recalled waiting by the car and looking over at the door where his father had a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. Even from the distance he stood at, James could recognize the lost expression that Teddy wore. He didn’t know what they’d been discussing, but whatever Harry said to Teddy had shaken him up. Enough to distract him in traffic and nearly crash the car.

James felt a searing sensation of irritation and anger towards his father from the lack of understanding about the situation. Teddy had been visibly trembling in the driver’s seat, his eyes unfocused as if he was looking at something completely beyond the road. James was happy they’d been able to get out of the flow of traffic so Teddy could calm down.

His hands curled into fists at the memory of holding Teddy’s face between them, trying to get his attention; trying to help him.

Now this? What were those pills Teddy had taken that knocked him out so quickly, and why did he carry them around? There was still so much he didn’t know.

They were hardly friends, but James was getting used to seeing Teddy in the living room when he came out to make breakfast.

James still didn’t like the idea of having a bodyguard, but Teddy was both a nice person and ridiculously attractive. James had grown attached to him. He felt a connection to Teddy, even if it was misplaced. If this kind of thing was going to happen again, what was he supposed to do?

He reached out a hand, not hesitating as he eased his fingers into the fringe of Teddy’s hair. James wasn’t one to pause or rethink things, especially if those things happened to be stupid ideas. He just wanted to relax Teddy, ease some of the tension in his face. He massaged his fingertips across Teddy’s scalp and watched his face closely as the lines in his forehead began to smooth, until he seemed to be fully relaxed, snoring softly.

James brushed the backs of his fingers down Teddy’s face, searching it for any other signs of discomfort. After James had confirmed he’d fully calmed down and was resting like he should be, he couldn’t seem to look away.  James was mesmerized by every inch of Teddy's face. He knew that he probably shouldn’t be, but the laws of attraction rarely complied with the laws of someone like Harry Potter .

Honestly speaking, Harry knew James pretty well; if he didn’t want his son to stare at his security guard, then maybe he should’ve hired someone less attractive.

Yet it was so much more than just staring at a handsome face. James felt protective in a way he hadn’t experienced before, even in a long term partner. It was frightening, but he couldn’t stop it, so he didn’t try.

He jumped, jerking his hand away from Teddy when his phone rang from his pocket. Teddy’s brow furrowed, and James fumbled to answer the call before Teddy woke. He held his breath when he had the phone to his ear, watching Teddy as he slowly relaxed. James sighed in relief, reaching out to put a hand on his head.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Albus.”

“Oh, hey.” James stood up. “Been a while since we talked. How are you?”

“That’s the calmest you’ve greeted me in your entire life. What happened?”

“What? Nothing happened. I’m kind of busy, that’s all.” James held his phone between his head and his shoulder as he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over Teddy and tucking it around him. “What are you calling for?”

“Just wanted to talk,” Albus mumbled, and James stood straight, putting his free hand on his hip.

“My little brother wants to talk to me of his own volition? Seems suspicious.”

“Stop being a prick.”

“Impossible.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“No, no, no!” James laughed, looking down at Teddy once more before walking around the couch and into the kitchen. “Seriously, what’s going on? Why’d you call?”

Albus grumbled in a familiar fashion. “Scorpius and I just got back to town and we brought souvenirs. It was his idea, not mine. I was going to drop them off for you.”

“Did you bring me snacks?”

“Yes.”

“Then I will allow entrance into my home.” James lifted his hand magnanimously, and Albus sighed again.

“I’ll stop by later _ — _ ”

“Oh, shit, wait, no you can’t.” James flipped around to look towards the living room, remembering that no one else in his family knew about Teddy; or his stalker.

“Why not?”

“Uh… I’m cleaning.”

There was a short pause as Albus seemed to process the excuse. "You're cleaning?"

"Correct. You can come by later. Anyway it's getting late, isn't it?" James looked at the wall clock. "You two should be winding down, not driving at night."

"What are you, our father? I'll drive when I want. When should I come by?"

"Uh." James looked at the couch again, rubbing his neck. "Maybe tomorrow? Or the day after since I have class."

"Jeeze."

"Forgive me for being so busy." James laughed.

"Nah, whatever. We can hang out later."

"Cool, text me. Say hi to Scorpius for me."

"Sure."

"See you later—oh wait hold on!" James froze, curiosity getting the best of him. He silently hoped the question wouldn't make Albus suspicious. "Are you familiar with the name Edward Lupin?"

James was met with silence from the other line. He could almost see his brother's face scrunch up in thought. Was it that hard to say no? He didn't really expect Albus to know, but he had to try at least.

"You're talking about the cop from the news?"

James blanched, being the one to go silent that time, before scoffing a laugh. "The news?"

"Yeah, it was a couple months ago. I remember the name. Don't you watch the news?"

"I… don't remember."

"How do you know the name, then?"

"I just heard it… somewhere. He was on the news?"

"Yeah, a few months ago. Maybe a year or two? It was a while ago, but it was a big deal."

"Why? What happened?" James stared anxiously at the back of the couch. "What did he do?"

Albus just made a noise of thought. "Saved some people's lives. I mean he's a cop, why else would he be on the news?"

“He saved a bunch of people?”

“Yeah, James, cops tend to do that.”

“Well, what happened?”

Albus groaned a little. “I don’t know, it was ages ago. All I remember is that there was some big investigation, and that some parts of London were shut down because of it? Just Google it if you’re that curious.”

James opened his mouth before closing it, cracking a smile despite the fact that Albus couldn’t see him. “Nah, that’s too much work, and I don’t really care.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, I just heard the name at… school. So I decided to ask.”

“Really?” Albus mumbled, and James winced at the suspicious tone of his voice.

“I’m gonna go to bed now,” he decided, turning the lights in the kitchen down to a low glow, just bright enough for him to see so he wouldn’t slam into the counter. “Goodnight.”

“Sure, whatever. Sleep well.”

James hung up before Albus could say anything else. He stared down at his phone, chewing his bottom lip as he processed what his brother had said. His current situation with his stalker had started around a year ago. If something serious had been on the news, he probably hadn’t paid enough attention to remember it.

He set his phone on the counter as he left the kitchen, retrieving his laptop from the bedroom before rejoining Teddy in the living area. He dropped into the armchair in front of the bookcase, just to the left of the couch. Teddy had taken to sitting there more often than not, as it gave the perfect view into the kitchen. It also gave the perfect view of the couch where the man was currently fast asleep.

James didn’t know for sure what possessed him to take the seat there instead of just going to his bedroom, but he somehow felt better with Teddy in view. Just in case something happened? Or because James wanted to know where he was while he Googled him. Best not to get snuck up on while doing that. It would be entirely too awkward if Teddy caught him.

He plugged in his headphones as he turned on the PC, eyeing Teddy for a moment before opening the browser and typing  _ ‘Edward Lupin, Scotland Yard, Breaking News’ _ into the search engine. James thought it would take a bit to find something, but the first thing that popped up was an official news article with a photo that looked terribly similar to Teddy pinned beside it. James clicked to enlarge it, furrowing his brow. The Teddy Lupin in the photo had natural brown hair styled neatly, professionally cut just above the collar of his shirt. There was an intricate crescent moon tattoo on the left side of his neck that James didn’t recognize.

Granted, James had never looked at Teddy’s neck before, but he figured he would have noticed a tattoo that pretty.

The photo attached to the article was clearly Teddy, though he looked different without his blue hair. There was a smile on his lips that was so smooth and held such kindness and confidence that James felt he would’ve collapsed had he been standing. He’d never seen Teddy smile like that before. Whoever this Teddy was, he was very different to the Teddy that James knew.

His mind reeled as he eagerly clicked on the link to the article, his breath hitching in his throat when his eyes passed over the bold font headline:  **Newly Appointed Detective Inspector Foils Domestic Terrorist Attack; Saves Sixty Civilians From Bus Explosion.**

Fucking  _ what? _

James looked over at Teddy, in awe, before starting to read the article. There were photos attached. One of them caught James’ attention because it was Teddy standing beside an important looking man. The tag beneath the photo proved the assumption correct, revealing the man to be Scotland Yard Commissioner Kingsley Shackelbolt. James had never seen him before, but Harry had mentioned he was a good man. Teddy even regarded him by his first name.

There was another photo—rather two photos sat next to each other—of a couple who looked just similar enough to Teddy that James figured they were related. Beneath the pictures were their names. Remus John Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin. Teddy’s parents. He’d never mentioned them before, and in the weeks he’d been with James, he hadn’t called them or said he needed to go visit them even once. Maybe they had a bad relationship? Or maybe it was worse than that. James decided to stop speculating and just read the article.

_ “After months of investigation and tireless police work, it was the newly appointed Detective Inspector Edward Remus “Teddy” Lupin, who is known to be the only son to renowned Scotland Yard Superintendent Nymphadora Tonks “Dora” Lupin [deceased], who uncovered the full details of the attempted terrorist attack. While the identities of those involved have not been released, we do know that their goal was to make a public statement in regards to their political stance against raising the taxes of the upper class.  _

_ “ _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ , an employee of the London Transit and a former Bus Operator, was the one to hook up the explosives into the engine, rigging it along the entire undercarriage and adding both a timer and a manual detonator. The police were able to stop the bus just in time, driving it to a secluded and open area just outside the Greater London area and setting up police blockades to keep civilians away. In a turn of unfortunate events, before every civilian could be herded off the bus, the timer attached to the rigged bomb began ticking off, triggering the mechanism in the door and locking Detective Inspector Lupin inside the vehicle with one last civilian, a six year old girl. With barely seconds to act, Lupin went to the closest window, breaking out the glass with his elbow and handing the girl out to Commissioner Shackelbolt, who was waiting just outside. Unable to get out himself, Lupin remained in the bus as Shackelbolt hurried the child to safety while the explosives went off. Against all reason, Lupin survived the explosion, but the injuries he received proved too great, and soon after gaining consciousness in hospital, he was relieved of his title and sent into indefinite leave with honors.” _

There was a video beneath the article, and James’ hand trembled as he played it. He folded his arms tightly as the footage bobbed and shook. The amateur video had probably been taken by a spectator. Whoever it was had been close enough to record the glass shattering from one of the bus windows, before a little girl with red hair was seen crawling out. Kingsley Shackelbolt caught her, then handed her to another man standing next to him. While that man hurried the girl away, Kingsley stayed rooted to the spot. James could only assume he was trying to urge Teddy into climbing out next.

Kingsley barely reached to a safe distance before the bus blew. It was engulfed in flames with a deafening boom as onlookers screamed. James yanked the headphones from his ears and slammed his laptop shut, breathing heavily and blinking away the tears that had been caught on his lashes.

That’s what had happened. That was why Teddy wasn’t a cop anymore; because he sacrificed himself on the job, nearly died, just to save the lives of complete strangers.

James leaned forward to put his laptop on the coffee table, propping his elbows onto his knees and folding his hands in front of his mouth, staring at Teddy. The incident in the car, the way Teddy was shaking and hyperventilating; that must have been why he needed to take those pills. Of course a doctor or psychiatrist would have prescribed them to someone who survived a bus explosion. Teddy did mention he knew a good psychiatrist. He had probably suffered so much since that day, including the loss of his job due to his health; on that note, how  _ was  _ his health? Was he okay?

The article hadn’t detailed the exact nature of Teddy’s injuries, so James had no idea. What part of his body was hurt? Did he have scars? Did he have to take medication for pain? Was he still hurting? Was he okay acting as James’ bodyguard, after going through so much? Why didn’t Harry consider any of this before hiring him? Did Harry even know? Shouldn’t Teddy or Kingsley have mentioned this before?

James was so lost in his thoughts that when the phone rang, the sound barely registered. He simply stood, one hand still rubbing his jaw as he shuffled his feet and made his way into the kitchen.

“Hello?” James greeted, his mind still on Teddy. He was torn violently from those thoughts as an eerily familiar voice croaked.

“Who do you have in your house, James?” His breath stopped and his vision spun. “I saw him, the one you were embracing outside. Who is he?”

“What?” James asked in a tiny voice. It had been a long time since he’d answered a call from his stalker, but he could never forget the voice. Usually it was silky, but this time the man sounded angry, his tone rough, as if speaking with a growl.

“I saw him with you, James. Who is he?” the man demanded harshly. “Tell me who he is!”

“Please, stop calling me,” James choked out, raising his voice and gripping the receiver with both hands.

“What does he have that I don’t? I thought we had something special. Don’t you remember all those letters? All the pictures? We shared all of that, James. We have so much history.”

“Stop calling me!” James cried desperately, his voice trembling. “Stop sending me letters! Please, just leave me  _ alone!” _

The phone was pulled out of his grip and placed back onto the wall by a hand decorated in delicate silver rings. Teddy wore them all the time, but this was the first time James actually looked at them. The one on his left pinky looked more feminine and delicate than what men normally wore, while the ring on his index was bulkier. They appeared to be a matching set. It was only a thought, but James considered perhaps they were his parents' wedding rings.

“James.” Teddy put his right hand on James’ back. Where James expected to feel sensitive enough to jerk away from the touch, instead he found himself leaning into Teddy to feel the heat from his fingers. “I told you not to answer the phone. What did he say?”

James just stared at the phone with wide eyes as guilt crowded his throat. He’d woken Teddy up when he should’ve been resting. He jumped when the phone began to ring again. An involuntary noise came from his throat as he physically coiled into himself.

Teddy kept an arm around him, shifting himself forward just enough so he could reach out and yank the phone cord out of the wall. James wondered for a moment why he hadn’t done that in the first place, immediately forgetting when Teddy turned to look at him. James couldn’t tell if he was angry or still half asleep. He felt like he might cry.

“I... I _ — _ ” When he couldn’t seem to speak, Teddy’s face smoothed out in empathy. His hand moved up to squeeze James’ shoulder. “I didn’t mean to wake you up,” James managed to get out finally, and Teddy shook his head.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” James’ voice shook; he couldn’t seem to look away from Teddy. “Are you okay?” The question put a look of devastation on Teddy’s face, as if he couldn’t believe James would ask that. “I mean, you had a panic attack, and it was bad enough that you needed to take medicine for it. You’ve been sleeping for hours. I was just sitting in the living room reading and trying to watch over you, and I wasn’t even thinking when the phone rang. I didn’t mean to answer, I was just so distracted _ — _ ”

“Stop, stop,” Teddy urged gently, holding James by his arms. “Listen, I’m fine. Alright? This isn’t about me.”

“How is this not about you?!”

“Because I’m not the one being tormented in my own home by a man I don’t even know.” Teddy spoke strictly, but his voice was still soft and empathetic. In that moment, James could tell how good of a cop he must have been. “You’re okay, alright? I’m right here, and nothing is going to happen to you while I’m here.”

James felt himself completely relax. His furious shaking slowed to a slight tremble as his head spun. He felt dizzy from the whiplash of emotions: the anger, fear, shame, and now the unexpected feeling of security. Yet even the security made him feel guilty, because Teddy was being tormented too. Just in a different way. It was confusing, and exhausting. James was feeling too much all at once. He was just so damn tired of it all.

“I’m not scared,” James whispered in frustration. “I’m angry I can’t control what’s happening. That’s all.”

Teddy gave a small smile. “You know you can be both at the same time.”

James stared at the floor between their feet, listing forward and dropping his head onto Teddy’s chest. The other man froze, but James had no intention of moving. After feeling so vulnerable and helpless for so long, he was going to take full advantage of the fact that this man made him feel  _ safe. _

He waited until Teddy had relaxed and lifted his hands to James’ shoulders before talking.

“Don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t.”

“I mean it.” James gripped the front of Teddy’s shirt in his fist. “I don’t want to sleep alone. Please don’t make me sleep alone.”

Silence answered him, and there was an entirely new fear that Teddy would push him away and say no. Instead, an arm curled further around him, holding him in a loose but still secure hug.

“I’ll sleep on the floor next to your bed.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. My bed is big enough for two people.”

“It would be better if I took the floor.”

James pulled back and looked up at Teddy frantically. “But what about your _ — _ ” He cut himself off and shut his mouth. 

Scars. His back. Were there scars on his back? Was he supposed to sleep on the hard floor if he had scars on his back? Teddy didn’t know James knew, though. He couldn’t just blurt that out.

Teddy looked confused. “My what?”

“Medicine,” James finished dumbly, and Teddy shook his head.

“I’m feeling fine. I’m just tired.”

“Okay.”

“Go back to bed now,” Teddy urged. “I’m going to make sure the doors and windows are locked, then I’ll be in to join you. I won’t leave you alone. If you feel safer with me in the same room, then I’ll be in the same room. I promise.”

James could only nod in agreement and do as he was told. He collected his phone and laptop to bring into his bedroom. Teddy checked the doors and windows while following behind him. James was dressed in pajamas and tucked under the covers by the time Teddy was done. He walked in with nothing but a pillow, flipping the switch to kill the overhead light. The lamp on the table beside James’ bed was the only light left to guide Teddy, dropping the pillow onto the floor beside it and lying down.

For a moment the room was quiet. James laid there hugging his pillow, staring at the family portrait he had situated on the bedside table so it was facing him. After relaxing a bit, he shifted around in bed, grabbing the spare blanket from where it was folded at his feet and draping it over the edge of the bed to cover Teddy.

He’d been lying on his side, staring at the curtains over the window, but lifted his head from his arm when he felt the blanket. He looked up, and for a moment their eyes met. The world seemed to skip a beat. Then it was over and Teddy was lying back down, pulling the blanket higher. James swallowed the knot that had formed in his throat, reaching over to turn the lamp off, sending them both into darkness.

“Thank you for the blanket,” Teddy said, and James made a noise.

“Yeah. If you get cold, you can just sleep in the bed.”

“It’s fine, I run hot.”

“Okay.” James rubbed his cheek against the cool of his pillow, finding the desire to talk; just talk. Maybe because he was freaked out from the phone call, or maybe because he was curious about what he’d read. Maybe if he talked to Teddy long enough, he would explain what happened in his own words. “My younger brother is supposed to be stopping by sometime. Tomorrow or the next day maybe.”

“That’s fine,” Teddy replied. “It’ll be good for you to talk to people you know, and be around people you trust.”

“I like talking to you,” James said immediately, “and I trust you.”

Teddy didn’t reply at first. James heard him clear his throat. “I guess that means I’m doing my job right, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does,” James agreed readily. “You should be proud of yourself. I always hated the idea of getting a bodyguard. I’m an independent and stubborn prick, so the fact that I trust you enough to live with me and look after me must really say something about what kind of person you are.” Teddy didn’t answer, but James hoped he was feeling bashful, maybe blushing. “You are a good person, aren’t you?”

“I think so.” Teddy legitimately sounded uncertain, and James laughed.

How could he even question his own kindness? After getting blown up to protect the lives of sixty innocent people? Not that James had any right to bring that up or use it as leverage against Teddy. Even if he intended for it to be a positive. It didn’t seem right to use someone's trauma as proof of their kindness. That was fucked on every level.

“You are. You took a job protecting some guy you didn’t even know who’s been getting stalked for the past year by some lunatic who may or may not be a violent sociopath; and you didn’t do it for the money. I think that labels you a good person.”

Teddy hummed. “I don’t know, I think I  _ might  _ be doing it for the money.”

James scoffed, grabbing the second pillow he wasn’t using and swinging it down to smack Teddy in the head with it. He laughed in what sounded like pure, unadulterated amusement. For some reason it had James laughing as well, burying his face into the pillow under his head to stifle it.

“No. I’ve never really known what to do with money.”

“So what did you used to do with your paychecks?”

“I don’t know. Rent. Phone bills. Food. The rest I put into a savings account.”

“You never went on holiday or bought yourself something just because you wanted it?”

“I don’t usually buy things I don’t need, it seems like a waste.”

“So what do you do with your savings?”

“I save it. What else am I supposed to do?” Teddy replied seriously, as if he truly had no concept of the comforts a few extra pounds could bring. 

“You need to let loose a little. Take yourself to a spa. You like coloring your hair, you should get it done professionally. Just once.”

“I can do it myself.”

“Sure, but that’s not the point. I know I’m just some rich kid who probably doesn’t understand the full impact of money, but I do know self care is important. Somehow I get the impression you’re not very good at taking care of yourself.”

Teddy was quiet for a long time, so long that James wondered if he’d fallen asleep. Finally he spoke, “That’s what my psychiatrist says,” he mumbled. There was a slight sound of him shifting. “Goodnight.”

“Yeah,” James said. “Goodnight.”

He waited until he heard the familiar sound of breathing that signaled Teddy had fallen asleep. Then he moved, sitting up and leaning over the bed. Using the dim lighting from the streetlamps through the curtain to see what he was doing, he reached down and pulled the blanket higher over Teddy. He brushed a hand through his faded blue hair before lying back down and pulling his own duvet up. He sighed, staring at the black of the ceiling, silently hoping he hadn’t offended Teddy.

It wasn’t necessarily hard to read the man, but it wasn’t easy either. James didn’t want to hurt Teddy by saying something unintentional. James barely knew this man beyond what he’d learned from Google, and the bits of personality he’d picked up on and empathized with in the days they’d spent together. James wanted to take care of him, even though technically speaking it was supposed to be Teddy’s job to take care of James. It didn’t matter.

There was nothing in the stupid contract that said they couldn’t take care of each other, was there? So what was the harm?

Exactly. There was none. So his dad could stuff it.


	8. i’m falling for you (so much so that it’s freaking me out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

James had been acting different since Teddy’s panic attack in the car. That day in particular seemed to have been a turning point for them. They’d suddenly gone from mere acquaintances, pushed together by unfortunate circumstances, to friends who understood each other, empathized with each other, and legitimately cared for each other. As if they’d known each other their entire lives.

It was suddenly so easy to talk to James, and Teddy was realizing they had a bit in common. Not by a large margin, but there was enough there that they could easily find common ground together. The parts that they didn’t share were merely gaps that could be filled in with compromise and understanding.

Some things were easier than others, but that was true for every relationship.

James wouldn’t eat eggplant under any circumstances. He even threatened to kick Teddy out if he so much as offered it as a meal choice for dinner. Teddy thought it was silly, but he didn’t argue, and did his best to hide the giggles when James pulled a disgusted face. He didn’t have a posh palette like Teddy had expected, but his meal reservations were still hilarious.

It ground on Teddy’s nerves when James left his hair product open on the bathroom vanity, and James nagged Teddy relentlessly when he left plates in the kitchen sink without rinsing them off. James was always forgetting to charge his phone and using Teddy’s instead, and Teddy snored. That was a problem because he’d taken to sleeping in James’ room.

He always took the floor, even though James continued to offer his bed. Teddy politely refused every time, saying he really didn’t mind sleeping on the floor—in fact he preferred it—but would he be allowed to use that really extra fluffy blanket again because Teddy had gotten used to it and didn’t think he could live without it anymore.

Unfortunately, thanks to their steadily growing friendship, Teddy was developing far more affection than he probably should have been feeling. He was a smart man, he knew almost immediately when he met James that there was a spark between them. A dangerous attraction that could potentially end them both. Teddy knew James felt it too. He could see it in his eyes when they looked at each other. When their gaze met and stayed locked for a moment too long, breaking an instant before it got too much; before they completely lost themselves to each other.

It was a dangerous game, but they were just friends. Teddy had self control, he could do this. He could live in the same house as James Potter and not react beyond a “good morning” when he came out from the bathroom with just his jeans on and a towel around his neck. It wasn’t enticing, it wasn’t tempting, it was fine. Perfectly fine. He was completely fine.

“Have there been any more letters?” Kingsley was asking.

Teddy hummed, leaning against the steering wheel with his phone in hand. “No, and only one last call before I ripped out the cord. I know I’m not supposed to do that, but I was sick of it. That night I passed out. James was still awake and answered the phone. It nearly broke him, and considering I’m supposed to protect him from that, I got mad at myself for falling asleep; letting it happen.”

“What did he say to James?”

“I don’t know,” Teddy sighed out. “James won’t tell me.”

“So nothing good.”

“I can’t imagine.” Teddy leaned back in his seat, staring out the windshield towards the University. He was currently waiting for James to leave his last class. “Since then, no phone calls, no letters, no photos, James has been fine. I haven’t even seen any paparazzi hanging around.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“Seems suspicious to me.”

“Have there been any other developments?”

“Not regarding the stalker, but he keeps making spaghetti for dinner and frankly I wouldn’t mind if I never ate pasta again.”

Kingsley chuckled. “I’m glad you’re making friends.”

Teddy sighed at that. “Well, when you’re stuck as a security guard for one guy, spending excessive amounts of time with them, there’s not much choice in the matter but to make friends.”

“Don’t be too harsh. I’m glad you’re getting along.”

“Because the goal was to get along and make nice.”

“Well, the goal was to get you out of the house and get you working again. Making friends with Mr. Potter is something I consider a bonus.”

“Right, of course.”

“Anything else?”

Teddy thought for a moment. “I met his brother.”

“Albus.”

“Yeah.”

“How did that go?”

“He seems less than impressed with me.”  Teddy rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip, recalling several days prior when Albus Potter showed up at the door. Teddy had answered, only for the young man to narrow his eyes so suspiciously at Teddy that he thought it might actually be possible to die from a stare.

Teddy had ducked out of the house saying he was going for a run—on Astoria’s insistence—to give the brother’s time to themselves, but Albus was still there when Teddy got back. When he tried to duck into the guest bedroom to avoid any awkward meetings, James had spoken up with introductions. Teddy was a friend from University who was staying for the time being, that’s what he’d said. Teddy had smiled and nodded, but thinking back to the completely blank expression Albus wore during the explanation, Teddy got the feeling he didn’t believe a word James said.

“He’s suspicious of me and has been stopping by every day.” Teddy dropped his hand, twisting the silver ring around his index finger. “I guess that’s a good thing. The Potter’s seem to be a tight knit family who love and care deeply for each other. Albus is no different.”

“Think he’s protective of his older brother?”

“I hear the influx of your voice at the word older and I’m here to say there is no age limit to being protective of your family.” Kingsley laughed deeply and Teddy grinned, shaking his head. “I’ll be honest, James does seem like a bit of a softy. It isn't far-fetched to think his family would be protective due to the “heart on his sleeve” thing. Being kind can be taken advantage of.” Teddy frowned. “Maybe that’s why he’s being stalked in the first place.”

“Because he’s a nice guy?”

Teddy shrugged. “Stranger things have happened. There have been cases where a victim will simply smile politely at their stalker, spiralling into an obsession on the stalker’s part.” Teddy contemplated for a moment. “Why is everyone in the world terrible?”

Kingsley laughed again, but Teddy didn’t smile. He legitimately wanted to know why so many people just fucking sucked. He pulled his phone away when it buzzed, watching a message from James pop up before placing it back to his ear.

“I’ve gotta hang up now, he just texted me.”

“You’re at the University?”

“Yeah, he forgot his essay in the car.” Teddy leaned into the back seat to grab the folder sitting in the middle. “I don’t understand this damn car. There are spots you can hook your laptop up to. The back of my seat turns into a computer desk. I miss the tube.”

“You say that now.”

“Goodbye, Kingsley.”

“Talk to you later. Don’t get into any trouble.”

Teddy shut the car door with one hand as he flipped open the folder to check the room number of James’ class. His eyes shut with a sigh when he realized it was his language class. He dragged his feet as he made his way through the halls, stopping just outside the classroom and texting James. The younger man popped out moments later, grabbing the folder looking ready to burn it.

“Everything okay?” Teddy asked, lifting his eyes to glance into the room.

“I’ve turned this essay in seven times,” James hissed. “I emailed it before but my professor kept saying he wasn’t getting it, so I had to bring a physical copy. Bloody hell.”

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Teddy asked, wincing after the words had come out. James seemed to consider it before nodding.

“Just to confirm my teacher really did get it. Might as well have a witness.” That part he said jokingly, but Teddy figured it was a good idea.

Even if the last thing he wanted to do was go into this classroom.

He stifled the barking laughter when he followed James inside, noting the abysmal emptiness of the desks. There were maybe ten other students there. All Teddy could think about was how people used to pack into Remus’ class so tightly they had to bring in more chairs and stand in the back. Whoever this new professor was, he wasn’t impressive at all.

He didn’t  _ look  _ all that impressive either. Rather scruffy in fact as he walked down the aisle to meet James. Teddy stared at him, staying close behind James as the man paused, eyes locked on Teddy even while James held out the folder and apologized for the assignment being late.

“Who’s this?” Greyback, that was his name, asked James, who cut his apology short before glancing at Teddy from over his shoulder.

“This is the friend I mentioned was crashing at my place.”

“Is he?” Greyback murmured, reaching out to take the folder. “I hope he’s not distracting you from your work. Or that he’s the reason this is so late.”

The other students in the room snickered, and the back of James’ neck turned dark red in a blush. Teddy felt something coil in his gut. James had been outed in the papers months ago. It had probably been a big deal here at the University as well, because everyone read the paper or the online articles. It was obvious what Greyback was implying, eyes boring into Teddy with scrutiny. Teddy narrowed his eyes in an unspoken threat to back off, but Greyback just flipped the folder open while staying in place, flicking through the pages of the essay.

He barely read through it before shutting the folder and handing it back to James. “I can already see several mistakes. If you’re going to halfass your reports and take advantage of the fact I gave you an extended deadline then don’t bother turning anything in at all.”

More snickers. James tensed up, the folder wrinkling beneath his tight fingers as he stuttered. Teddy reached out to take the folder from him as he tried to defend himself, pulling out the essay to read. It was standard, portions written in German just to show comprehension of the language. James did well, though Teddy knew he couldn’t quite speak it. James could understand it at least, and that was the point of the essay.

“You did fine,” Teddy said, shutting the folder and handing it to Greyback. “Grade it again.”

Greyback looked furious. “Excuse me?”

“Either grade it fairly or I’ll take it to the dean.”

The man gave a scoff. “What makes you think he’d believe you over the course professor?”

Teddy leaned forward. “I think he’d listen to a Lupin.”

Greyback’s eyes widened. It was both satisfying and gut wrenching that he recognized the name. He snatched the folder from Teddy and ducked his head as he turned, snapping roughly at James. 

“Sit down. No more interruptions. I want to finish my class.”

James looked baffled as he glanced between Teddy and Greyback. Teddy leaned down to whisper to him. “I’ll be in the car.”

“Yeah, sure,” James agreed, but he still looked confused.

Part of Teddy wanted to stay. Something about that professor just rubbed him the wrong way. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving James alone with him, but his head was aching and he wanted to lie down; just for an hour. He dropped into the back seat of the car and shut the door, using the hoodie hanging against the back of the driver’s seat as a pillow.

It smelled like James, being his hoodie and all. Teddy draped an arm over his eyes to block out the rest of the light.

He didn’t sleep, just laid there and rubbed his fingers together, trying to remember what it felt like to hold his mother and father’s hands; to walk between them and jump up to swing on their hands. That was a long time ago, though. Teddy struggled to remember anything about his parents, but that never stopped him from trying.

Teddy didn’t move when the door at his head opened. He already knew who it was. “Scoot over.”

He pulled his arm off his face to look up at James, sitting up and moving into the other seat so James could slip into the car beside him before shutting the door and locking it. “Don’t get out yet. I wanted to talk.”

Teddy already had a hand on the door handle, tapping his fingers against it in response to James and shrugging one shoulder. “Did something happen?”

“No. The professor didn’t say anything else to me after you left. He just stared at me a lot. I can’t tell if he’s mad or what.” Teddy hummed and James turned to face him. “Why is your name influential here?”

The question made Teddy wince, but honestly at that point what was the use of lying or hiding things?

“My father taught the German language class here a few years ago,” Teddy explained, having the perfect view of the way James’ eyes widened in the window reflection.

“He was a professor?”

“Yeah.” Teddy leaned against the seat, dropping his head back. “He taught here for years.”

“I’m guessing he didn’t exactly retire.”

Teddy gave a cold laugh. “No.” James slid across the seat to get closer to Teddy, as if silently encouraging him to continue. “Happened a long time ago, when I was twelve. Home invasion.”

James reached out to grab Teddy’s hand, squeezing his fingers. He didn’t say anything, but the touch was welcome, and Teddy squeezed back.

“The police never figured out who did it, and they still don’t know why the people chose my house. For all I know it was just some teenagers who were dared to steal something mundane and got in too deep. Or maybe it was something more sinister. My mum worked for Scotland Yard as a Superintendent. She was actually on her way to taking over as the Commissioner, but… she and my dad both died that night.”

“What happened to you?” James asked gently. 

Teddy stared at the roof of the car. He focused on the sensation of James rubbing the back of his hand with a thumb, grounding himself with the touch and laughing softly again. 

“My mum is the one who woke me up. She grabbed me and made me hide in the closet, then threw clothes over me so I wouldn’t be visible. They didn’t hurt me, but I heard… everything.”

“Teddy.”

“I never got to say goodbye,” Teddy’s voice was weak.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Kingsley is my godfather. He took me in after the fact and raised me. I have grandparents, but they didn’t have the resources to take care of me and didn’t want to uproot me from school. That’s why I became a cop, because of Kingsley and my parents. I didn’t want anyone else to suffer like me. I wanted to be strong enough to protect people.”

“You did a good job,” James said, slotting his fingers between Teddy’s and holding his hand tighter. “Listen, Teddy, I _ — _ I kind of… Googled you.”

Teddy processed the revelation before wincing and lifting his head away from the back of the seat. He looked at James, who was red faced and flustered. “So you found out why I was on a pension?”

“Y-yeah.” James rubbed his neck. “I’m sorry, it’s just, after you had a panic attack I got really worried about you, so I looked you up. I probably shouldn’t have, but _ — _ ”

“It’s okay, I can’t fault you for being curious,” Teddy said, then smiled. "So what did you find out?"

"The bus," James said. "The bomb." His eyes searched Teddy's face before moving to the left. His face contorted in misery and his hand tightened around Teddy's. "Your neck." He spoke softly, and Teddy lifted a hand to touch the rough skin on the left side of his neck.

"Burn scar," Teddy explained, pulling the collar of his jacket higher. "Normally I can hide it with my coat. People don't care enough to look most of the time. If I'm really self conscious I wear a scarf."

"Is that all that happened?" James asked, and for a moment Teddy wanted to say yes, just to spare the man.

"No," he said instead. "Most of the injuries I received were from the fire. There are burns on my back and shoulder, some scars from lacerations down my side caused when I was blown into the windows."

"Do you remember it?" James asked, his voice a little bolder and his hand sliding over Teddy's to hold his wrist.

"Some of it." Teddy scratched at the scar. "I remember the before and after, if that makes sense. I remember talking to Kingsley, then opening my eyes and realizing I was lying on my left side. I couldn't feel anything, there was a buzz in my ears, and Kingsley was trying to get me up."

Teddy squinted, staring down at where James was holding him. He could remember the panic of Kingsley begging him to at least try to crawl out the window before he shook his head. If he was going to die, he wanted to die standing, not hanging halfway out a window too small for him. He did stand, closing his eyes. The explosion was so loud he didn't even hear it. He felt heat, slight discomfort and a tingling sensation along his skin. When he reopened his eyes, he was lying in the aisle between the seats with a million colors contorting around him. There was a hand on his right shoulder. Kingsley was cradling the back of his neck and lifting him up, calling Teddy's name with a trembling voice.

Teddy remembered his eyes were open, stuck on the blue of the sky that was only visible because the roof of the bus had been blown out. It was supposed to rain that day, but the sky had been clear, blue and beautiful. Teddy clung to it, that shade of baby blue that made him feel so peaceful lying in his godfather's arms. He was certain he was going to die, but later when he woke up in the hospital, he wasn't sure what to think.

"My life stalled after that day," Teddy said. "I lost my job, I spent months healing and going to physical therapy just so I could walk like a normal human again. I'm still on medication and have to frequent a psychiatrist."

"You don't have to tell me anything else about what happened. I don't need to know." James squeezed Teddy's hand again. "I do know there's nothing wrong with it, though. Seeing a psychiatrist or taking pills to regulate the mental damage. Whatever happened that day, you saved sixty people's lives. That's so selfless, and good, and unbelievable, and you did that not because you had to or were required to. You did it because you're genuinely a good person. I'm sure that everyone who survived that day still thinks of you."

Teddy felt something lodge in his throat, one corner of his lips curling up in a smile. “Hadn’t thought of it that way before.”

“Kind of figured you’d be too busy to,” James admitted in amusement. “They definitely do, though. If someone does something selfless that affects people directly, then those people are going to remember it. I know I will.” The last part James said softly, clinging to Teddy’s hand as if he was afraid to let go. “You’re helping me through a really difficult and scary time, and I’m not going to forget it. Aside from that, knowing what you’ve been through, and knowing you’re still such a good person, keeping me safe when you don’t even know me _ — _ ”

“I know you,” Teddy interrupted James, who lifted his head to meet his eye. “I think I know you well enough. I may not have known you from childhood till now, but I know the pieces of you that make you James. The all nighters studying and the way you put your phone on speaker when your cousin or sister calls to rant about something so you can help them through it while still finishing your own work. I know your wealth growing up influenced you the least of everything else, and that I was sort of a bastard for assuming it had.”

James snorted. “I guess I was kind of a bastard too, for thinking you only took this job for the money. You really are just a nice guy who wanted to help.”

“I still want to help.” Teddy turned his hand without thinking, hooking his fingers with James’ as the other man inhaled sharply.

Their eyes were locked, and Teddy could feel the heat that always built when they looked at each other. He felt vulnerable and open, dangerously close to the edge, knowing if he didn’t look away soon, it was all going to crash down. Yet he couldn’t. His body felt weak after talking about the incident that scarred him and landed him in this position. Locked in the backseat of a Bentley Mulsanne with a London Heir. He felt drained and close to another breakdown, but keeping contact with James’ eyes was like keeping contact with the earth; grounding, secure. Teddy couldn’t look away.

_ Fuck. _

James lifted his right hand in a slow gesture, moving close to Teddy’s face but stopping. His eyes flickered to Teddy’s neck before moving back to his eyes. Teddy almost winced, remembering the phantom pain that had assaulted him when Harry unintentionally dug his fingers into those scars. He wasn’t afraid of being touched there by James. He couldn’t talk, though, had no voice to encourage James. So he nodded, and James moved his hand closer.

His fingertips brushed across his neck, and Teddy felt the emotion build again behind his eyes. He could feel it. Not the scars or the memory, but the warm touch directly sinking into his skin, as if it was still just bare skin not ridden by scars. He felt as if his mind and energy had suddenly been dropped back into a body that was actually his. With James’ touch, it was like the man had reached into the deeper parts of his psyche where he’d locked himself away.

Teddy was breathing heavily, but not from panic or pain. He was exhilarated. He could see a million colors crowd into his gray world. The golden brown of James’ eyes was suddenly overwhelming. The red on his shirt, the acid wash coloring of his jeans, and the maroon blend of red and deep brown of his hair. Teddy lifted his hand to hold James’ face, close enough to see the black of his pupil expand and his lips part as his thumb slid across his neck, massaging tiny circles as he went.

They could have stayed in that position and Teddy would have been fine with it. A breath away but still separate, holding each other by one hand and just staring, memorizing each other, the world around them nonexistent. Any more than this and Teddy was going to shatter. James, though. Teddy should have known he would do something even more reckless than this.

James was the one to cling to the back of Teddy’s neck, something desperate, hungry and terrified in his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” His voice trembled with a hint of fear, and Teddy felt his head spin.

This was Teddy’s last chance to back out. If he wanted to follow his contract to the letter, he had to pull away from James before anything else happened. Yet he couldn’t look away, and James had asked so politely. Taking Teddy’s feelings into consideration before his own desires.

Teddy answered in a soft voice of his own. “Yes.”

That was all the confirmation James needed to surge forward and crash their lips together. That was it. Teddy shut his eyes and parted his lips to invite James deeper, pulling the hand from his face to instead wrap his arms around him. The kiss was entirely different from others he’d received or given. It was warm, hard and desperate. Teddy could feel every ounce of passion James had been harboring, his fingers digging into James’ back and twisting into his shirt to cling to him. He leaned forward in a vain attempt to gain the upperhand.

Not that it worked. Teddy was still weak from the previous conversation, and James was pushing at his shoulders. When the kiss broke, both were panting, staring at each other with wild gazes. When James pushed at Teddy’s shoulders again, Teddy obeyed, leaning back and watching enamored as James clambered closer. He straddled Teddy’s lap with his hands on his shoulders, staring at him for a moment before leaning back in for another kiss.

Teddy moved his hands to grab onto James’ hips, feeling up his ribs as James cradled his neck with both hands. He placed his thumbs against Teddy’s jaw, not digging in, just touching, and it was enough for Teddy to slack his jaw so they could deepen the kiss. James was completely in charge at that point, but Teddy still wanted to keep some sense of self, testing how far he could go, how far James would allow. He seemed to be up for anything, wiggling closer to Teddy until his arms were wound behind his neck, their chests pushed together so close that Teddy could feel James’ heart against his own rib cage.

The back of the car was too hot. James had a hand sneaking into Teddy’s shirt and Teddy had a hand grabbing James’ hip. They were going to do something completely indecent in a car, Teddy already knew it, and he was prepared, lost to it, wanting it. Until a knock on the window had them tearing apart, panting and gaping at the tinted window.

During their conversation and proceeding makeout session, the parking lot had almost completely vacated. Fenrir Greyback was standing outside the car, squinting into the window with a hand shading his eyes. The windows were too dark for the man to see anything compromising. At best he may see blurs or dark shapes. Teddy knew they were tinted in almost illegal darkness, but having the man with his face pressed to the window still made him hold his breath.

James was clinging to him, frozen, though his body started to shiver after a moment. Teddy glanced at him to see his lips were twisted, his face contorted in barely suppressed laughter. If he laughed that was it, and now that their lips weren’t locked, Teddy was finally coming back to his senses. If a professor caught him making out with James Potter in the back of a car, the news was going to get back to Harry lightning fast. Teddy was suddenly remembering he signed a contract explicitly stating he  _ wouldn’t  _ do that.

“Don’t you dare laugh.” Teddy whispered, and James whispered back with a squeak.

“Look at his face oh my god.”

He was clearly amused, though he tensed again when Greyback tested the door handle. He clung to Teddy, cuddling closer to him like he wanted to hide. The door was locked, but Greyback walked around the entire car like some kind of creep, testing each door before muttering something and shuffling off.

“He’s gone,” Teddy said, and James leaned away to look out the window, letting out a sigh.

“Bloody hell, that's a new one.”

“What, having a professor almost catch you snogging a bloke in the back of your car?”

James turned to Teddy with wide eyes. “Yeah!”

Teddy snorted, shuffling to the side until James had given up and slipped off his lap, though one hand was still clinging to his shirt sleeve. “We should go.”

“Oh… yeah, we should.”

When Teddy slipped from the backseat and shut the door behind him, he could feel the hair stand on the back of his neck. He gripped the door handle but didn’t turn to look as he pulled open the driver’s side. Someone was watching. He could feel it. Though he tried to ignore it, logging the incident away in his mind as he shut the door and buckled himself in. He tried to ignore the suddenly intense silence as he drove, heading back towards the house. James said nothing, but whenever Teddy looked in the rearview mirror, James was either looking at him or staring down, touching his lips and smiling in such a way that Teddy felt lightheaded.

That couldn’t happen again. That shouldn’t have happened in the first place, and he was furious for letting himself get swept away. He usually had such perfect self control and discipline, but in that moment he’d completely lost his mind.

He was certain he’d truly gone mad, because all he could think about was how James’ lips had tasted; the feeling of his hands cradling his neck almost reverently, their bodies pressed together intimately and sharing their heat. Fuck, it had felt so right, but they weren’t supposed to be doing things like that.

Teddy was supposed to be protecting him from sleazebags, not becoming a sleazebag. The worst part of it all? He  _ wanted  _ to kiss James again. He  _ wanted  _ to kiss him till he couldn’t breathe and was clinging to Teddy for support. He wanted to see those brown eyes go glassy. His body felt hot, he was aching for it, and a tiny, brainless voice inside him was reminding him that the last time he’d been with someone was three years ago before breaking up with his last girlfriend. He needed to run off the energy before taking a cold shower to knock himself back into place, because this was ridiculous.

For the rest of the drive, Teddy mentally listed all the reasons he was definitely not going to kiss James again.

One, he literally signed a contract that said he wouldn’t. That was probably the most important reason.

Two, if the media found out, considering how much they enjoyed slandering James already for being gay, who knew how much more harassment he would have to endure because of Teddy? 

Three, a repeat of before, this man was being stalked by a predator who, judging by some of his letters, was very interested in James, in more than one way. If he found out James was kissing people, then he was going to get pissed off that it wasn’t him. Doing anything with James would just put him in danger, and that was the last thing Teddy wanted.

Partly because protecting James was Teddy’s job, partly because if anything happened to James, Teddy didn’t know what he’d do.

Ah, shit.

James remained quiet when they pulled up to the house, going through their usual process of Teddy shielding him as he got out of the car and opened the front door. He bolted it behind James once they’d both stepped into the house. When they were securely inside with no chance of anyone hearing them, Teddy sighed and turned to James.

“Listen, about before _ — _ ”

James must not have been listening though, because he was on Teddy in an instant, hands on his hips and lifting up the final few inches on his toes to reach Teddy’s mouth. Teddy managed to brace himself against the door, only distracted for a few frantic moments before he was able to turn his head and break the kiss. He placed his hands on James’ shoulders.

“Wait, just wait, just listen, we can’t do this.”

“Why?” James asked, but he didn’t look heartbroken or annoyed. He looked mildly inconvenienced, like someone had told him he couldn’t be on his phone in class. In his eyes, there was already a resolve that he was going to kiss Teddy again, and damn if Teddy didn’t want to let him; but they couldn’t.

“I’m your guard, James. I work for you and your father. When I took this job, Harry had me sign a contract securing my position as a professional. He said under no circumstances was I allowed to start any kind of romantic relationship with you. That includes making out with you, by the way.”

“My dad only said that because he thinks I’m some kind of whore,” James argued childishly, and Teddy half wanted to scold him while also wanting to laugh. “He thinks I started getting stalked because my coming out basically rolled out the red carpet for any creep who likes guys. He probably thinks if I get caught shacking up with my live-in that it would just sour the Potter’s reputation even more.”

“I don’t know if that’s what your father is most concerned about.”

“It is, trust me.” James was still clinging to Teddy’s shirt. “What he doesn’t get is it’s  _ my  _ reputation that’s getting fucked over. Not his, not the company’s, just mine; and I don’t  _ care. _ There are more important things to me than having a squeaky clean media presence, and I  _ like you, _ Teddy. Why is it completely socially acceptable for guys to sleep around until they find something serious unless they’re from some wealthy family? My cousin takes home a new girl or guy every night, and you don’t see paparazzi calling him a deviant or a danger to society, do you? Just me, because I’m a Potter, because I have expectations to meet and an image to maintain. Fuck that! If I think I can connect with someone, why can’t I just go for it like everyone else?!”

Teddy didn’t know what to say to that. James was right. There was nothing wrong with being sexually active or seeking love. It was hard being alone all the time. Humans naturally sought partnership, coupling, because humans didn’t like being alone. It was completely normal for James to look for romance, and it wasn’t fair that his name was keeping him from doing that openly.

“Usually I bring guys home whenever and see if it might work out,” James mumbled, staring down with red cheeks. “Most were nice, but… they probably came home with me because they knew who I was. Not to mention I don’t exactly have the liberty to get to know people without my money getting in the way and influencing my dates.” He lifted his head to look at Teddy. “You’re different. I was able to get to know you, and I was really attracted to you from the beginning. You’re not here for my money, or my family's money. You’re here because you want to be. Right?”

The question held a hint of unease, and Teddy found himself moving his hands down from James’ shoulders to his elbows. “I just want you safe,” Teddy whispered, and James’ lips turned into a shaky smile. “It was supposed to be a job, but you… you’re not just a job. You’re not anything I expected you to be.”

“Neither are you.”

“What are we supposed to do, then?” Teddy asked. “I can’t just… I’m still under a contractual obligation. My job is to keep you safe. If Harry finds out we kissed, even once, I’m gonna get fired.”

“So?” James reached up to hold Teddy’s face. “If he fires you then he frees you from that contract, and we can kiss all we want.”

“What if it doesn’t last?” Teddy blurted. “This, between us. What if it’s a fluke?”

James seemed to consider it, looking between Teddy’s eyes. One hand slid down to the scar on his neck. “Is it?”

Teddy opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn’t say anything. There was no way this was a fluke. James was the first person who’d ever been able to touch his scars without Teddy instinctively beginning to panic. Rather, he felt like himself again. He felt like he didn’t even have scars, like he was still exactly what he used to be; and maybe he was. Maybe he always had been.

“No,” Teddy said firmly, and James smiled.

He started to pull his hand away, but Teddy reached back up to push his palm against his neck. He wanted the sensation to stay. He held James’ face with his free hand and leaned closer to initiate the next kiss. James gave a little noise of surprise but made no protest. He backed up at Teddy’s prompting until they’d bumped into the island counter.

James gasped in surprise when Teddy lifted him up by his waist and set him on the counter. His cheeks flushed as their eyes met, lips parting in anticipation. Teddy stood between James’ knees as his hands settled on the younger man’s hips, moving in closer to brush their lips together in another tender kiss. All reservations were gone as he kissed James with everything he had. His hands were following the texture of James’ jeans, each belt loop and stitch, until his fingers were at the chill of the button. He tugged once, then twice, until James gave another gasp, trembling hands gripping Teddy’s shoulders.

“Do it,” he whispered encouragingly into Teddy’s mouth. Teddy meticulously undid the button of his jeans before finding the zipper and pulling it down.

He’d barely gotten the jeans open when a sudden knocking echoed from the front door, and James started to curse colorfully. He pulled away from Teddy and glared at him. “The next motherfucker who interrupts me is getting a pen in the eye.”

“We may as well see who it is.”

“What do I do about my jeans?”

“Just zip up,” Teddy chided, pulling the zipper back up and securing the button as James pouted.

“I meant the fact I’m really turned on right now,” he whined, and Teddy laughed softly, kissing his cheek.

“Go stick your head in the freezer.”

“Will that help?”

“Do you have a better idea?”

James groaned and slipped off the counter, walking into the kitchen and opening the freezer to stick his head inside. Meanwhile Teddy paced over to the front door and peered through the peephole.

“It’s your brother again.”

“Oh great,” James grumbled. “Just let him in, it’s fine. If I don’t answer or tell him to go away he’ll just get suspicious.”

“I’ll be honest, I think he already is,” Teddy admitted. “Why else would he come by every day like this?” 

James waved his hand vaguely. “Good point.”

Albus didn’t look surprised when Teddy was the one to open the door. He merely eyed the smile that Teddy offered before narrowing his eyes.

“Hey,” Teddy opened the door wider. “We literally just got back from uni. Come on in.”

Albus gave no greeting as he stepped into the house and shrugged off his hoodie while Teddy shut and locked the door behind him.

“Jamie what are you doing?” Albus asked. Teddy turned to see Albus was staring at James, who still had his head in the freezer.

“I’m looking for ice cream.”

“Should I pick some up?” Teddy asked, grateful for the excuse to duck out for a moment.

James pulled himself out of the freezer to look at him with wide eyes. “No, no, that’s fine.”

“Okay.” Teddy looked at Albus when the younger Potter glanced back at him. “Then I’m going for a run; to give you two a bit of time to talk and spend time together.”

“That’s kind of you,” Albus said, and Teddy gave a slow nod.

He reached out to unlock the door. “I’ll be back in a bit.” He met James’ gaze when he said that. James just stared back at him, his brown eyes impossibly dark.

Teddy left before it got strange, giving Albus a quick smile that wasn’t returned and shutting the door. He let out a heavy breath as he walked towards the sidewalk, rubbing his face with both hands before running his fingers into the fringe of his hair. They were interrupted again from doing something they might regret, but they couldn’t just ignore it anymore. Not after dragging their hands over each other and memorizing the taste of James Potter’s mouth.

Teddy was lost, utterly and entirely. If he was going to get in trouble or fired for making out with James, then what was the harm of going all the way, completely sealing his fate with the man? Walking wasn’t going to help Teddy. Even when he started to run his usual route, his entire body still felt hot. All he could think about was James’ hands on his bare back and his fingers tracing the scar on his neck, while his own fingers caught on the younger man’s belt loops and teased open his jeans.

He really hoped Albus wasn’t planning on staying too long.


	9. love is a game we deserve to play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

“Are you really looking for ice cream?” Albus asked.

James stepped back, reaching into the freezer and pulling out a pint of ice cream. “Yup, and here it is.”

“It took you that long to find that?” Albus hung his hoodie on the coat rack beside the door, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking around as James shouldered the freezer shut. 

He retrieved a spoon from the silverware drawer before sitting at the counter. He was certain of his transparency at that point, how he was pouting and shoveling spoonfuls of vanilla ice cream into his mouth to tame the fire under his skin. James half resented his younger brother for showing up when things were finally going somewhere.

“How were your classes?” Albus asked, sitting across from James, who gave him a piercing stare.

“Are you really going to pass off that you came here to ask me about school? Or are you going to get to the point of why you’ve been coming by every day after my classes end?” Albus arched an eyebrow. James dropped his spoon with a sigh. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Albus assured. He seemed to purposely wait for James to stuff another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth before continuing. “I can’t blame you for being grumpy, especially if you’ve been fighting with your boyfriend.”

James choked, coughing and dropping the spoon. He grabbed the front of his shirt and lifted it up to wipe the melted vanilla off his face and mouth, gaping at Albus. Albus, the little bastard, had one arm folded casually over the edge of the counter, his other elbow propped against the counter so he could hold his chin up. He was watching James completely unbothered and unsurprised by his reaction.

He didn’t seem too concerned that James was choking, either.

“My what?” James coughed. “Al, I’m not seeing anyone right now.” He cleared his throat and finished wiping his mouth. “I haven’t really been seeing anyone for the past year, which I know is shocking considering my track record of one night stands, but there it is.”

“There it is,” Albus repeated in a mumble, eyes locked on James. He lifted his head and waved his hand at the door. “So Mister Tall and Handsome is really just a friend from University who’s been crashing on the couch while he looks for a new apartment?”

James shrugged. “Yeah, exactly.”

“That’s believable.”

James snapped the lid back onto the ice cream, rolling his eyes as he got up off the stool. He threw the spoon into the sink before returning the ice cream to the freezer. “Look just because I have a history of sleeping with any man that breathes near me doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with Teddy.” He closed the door and turned to glare at Albus. “So if you’re just here to share your assumptions about me being a whore—”

“Quit whining like I’ve just attacked you,” Albus snapped back, looking annoyed. “I’m not dad, and for the record I’m not a moron either. I’m not accusing you of being sleazy. I’ve just noticed how you look at each other when neither of you are really paying attention.”

James stared at Albus. “What do you mean?”

“Aside from the fact every time I’m here you’re staring at each other?”

“No, I mean… he looks at me?”

Albus looked like he wanted to throw something at James, but instead just sighed. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Yeah, James, about as much as you look at him.”

“And,” James shuffled closer and sat back down, “like, he looks interested?”

Albus lifted a hand and rubbed his eyes. “Bloody hell.”

“No, hey.” James reached out to pull on Albus’ sleeve. “Sorry I sounded so annoyed, I’m not mad, really. So he looks at me?”

“Is this a test?” Albus asked, pulling his hand away from his face to squint at James. “What happened to not having a relationship with him?”

“Well I wasn’t lying, I don’t!” James insisted. “But I mean, how does he look at me?”

Albus sighed in what sounded like defeat, shoulders slumping. “I get it. So you’re into each other but you haven’t done anything yet.” James felt his face heat up and Albus snorted. “That’s definitely not like you. Normally if you see someone you’re interested in, you don’t wait. You see how far you can go and how well you can connect with them. If there’s no spark aside from the physical then that’s it.” James stared at Albus for a moment longer before looking down at the counter. “Look, it’s like I said, I’m not an idiot, and I’ve known you my whole life. I know when you like someone, and I know when you  _ really  _ like someone. Whoever this guy is, you  _ really  _ like him. I can tell. Whenever he’s looking away you stare at him like he’s the answer to every question you’ve ever had.”

James struggled to contain how flustered he felt. “How does he look at me, then?”

Albus sighed, leaning back. “I’m not a psychiatrist you know.”

“No, but, come on,” James urged. “Just tell me. What do you think? I mean, in your opinion, how does he look at me?”

Albus just stared at the ceiling for a minute before looking at James. “The guy looks at you like he’s never seen the sun before, but figures you must be it.”

James felt his face heat a degree more, overwhelmed and tipping over the edge. After a year of paranoia, followed by months of sexual tension and growing affection, he was really going to snap. It was an absolutely pathetic crush that he hadn’t mentioned to anyone, fearful that his father would find out and try to separate him from Teddy, but his brother had somehow picked up on it. He couldn’t tell Albus about his stalker, but he could still talk about Teddy.

“I like him,” he said, and Albus snorted. “I mean I really like him, Al. I like him so much it feels like I’ve never actually been with anyone else. He’s been living with me for a month and a half now, and it gets easier every day, but it also gets harder. He’s not just hot as hell, he’s also insanely kind and generous, and he doesn’t care about money, he cares about me _ — _ ”

“James _ — _ ”

“I know he likes me back. At this point I think I might lose my mind if I don’t talk to him about it; but it’s way more complicated than you might think. Dad can’t know.”

Albus furrowed his brow. “What do you mean he can’t know?”

“You can’t tell him, Al. You need to swear to me you won’t tell him.”

“Why not?”

“Cuz if he knows he’s going to try and keep us apart and I swear to God I don’t think I can live through that. I really genuinely like this man, more than I’ve ever liked anyone. I know I already said that, but look you’re the first person I’ve talked to about how I feel. He’s not like any man I’ve ever met before, he’s not like any person I’ve ever met before, and he cares about me, and he’s a really good guy, and he would never hurt me—”

“Can you shut the fuck up for a second?” Albus asked, pulling his phone out.

“Hey what are you doing?!” James tried to snatch the phone from his brother’s hand. Albus just leaned back slightly to stay out of reach. “Albus I said not to tell _ — _ ”

“James I’m the last person you need to worry about telling dad,” Albus said with a chuckle. “Just look.” He set his phone down, sliding it over to James. “Do you remember weeks ago when you asked me if I recognized the name Edward Lupin and I told you to Google him?”

James nodded slowly. “Yeah, and I did.”

“I’m gonna guess Teddy is Edward Lupin.”

“Yeah, he... he was named after his grandfather. Teddy is his nickname.”

“That’s nice, I don’t care.” Albus waved at his phone. “I recognized the name, so I decided to look him up too. That’s what I found.”

James continued to stare at Albus before looking down, pulling the cellphone closer. A video was queued up, titled “Bomb Survivor Interviewed”. What stunned James was who stood there talking into the microphone. His uncle, Percy, and his aunt stood there with his two youngest cousins, Molly and Lucy. Percy was holding Lucy, who was clinging to Percy with dry tears on her face and her head on his shoulder. Clutched in her fist was a yellow handkerchief with pink stitching around the edges, monogrammed with the initials ERL in one corner.

James hesitated, but eventually played the video. His heart ached as the image began to move and his uncle’s familiar voice sounded through the audio.

_ “There’s no logical reason these men chose the bus I got on with my family; absolutely none. They chose at random, and if it wasn’t for the efforts of Scotland Yard, my family and myself would be dead; my daughter would be dead.” _ He paused, looking emotional as he hugged Lucy tighter.  _ “The Detective Inspector who sacrificed himself, he’s the one who helped my daughter through that window. I know everyone will be forever grateful to him, but it’s different for us. My daughter, my family; he saved my little girl. He went back for her, and what he got in return was standing alone while the bus went up in flames. I’ll never be able to thank him enough, and I will never be able to repay him for saving my daughter's life; but I’ll try. If I ever get the honor of meeting him again, I’ll do everything in my power to show him how much I appreciate his sacrifice.” _

The video ended and James continued to stare down at the phone until the screen went black. Then he lifted his head to stare at Albus, who shrugged. “I remember that,” James said softly. “Uncle Percy wouldn’t let Luce go anywhere alone for months.”

Albus nodded. “For the record we’re both assholes for forgetting a portion of our family almost got blown up.”

“Oh for sure, we’re both bastards.”

“My point in showing you that,” Albus took his phone back, “is to show my support.”

“Support for what?”

“Ask him out,” Albus said with an annoyed sigh. “You like each other, you clearly have a connection, and you get along enough that you can already live together without tearing each other’s throats out. You’re friends, you know each other well enough I imagine, and you’ve shacked up with men on less. You’re not afraid of commitment. It’s everyone else you’ve been with that gets cold feet after one night. I don’t get the feeling Edward Lupin is afraid of commitment.”

“What makes you say that?” James asked, and Albus played around on his phone for a bit before holding it out to show a picture of Teddy.

Judging by the clothes he was wearing and the fact his hair was brown, James assumed it must have been taken back when he was still a cop. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows, showing off impressive ink tattooed into his skin. His forearms were nice, too, but that probably wasn’t what Albus wanted to emphasize.

“Tattoos are usually a forever kind of thing,” Albus explained. “Someone with serious commitment issues isn’t going to get something permanent on their body.”

“No offense but that sounds like something you found on a feel good blog written by a first time mom.”

“Go fuck yourself, James.” Albus stood up, putting his phone back in his pocket. “I’m gonna head out now, I’ve got a late night.”

“You’re not gonna stay a little longer?” James asked as he stood up.

Albus hummed. “Got a paper to write.”

“Then why’d you stop by?”

“To tease you,” Albus said, pulling on his hoodie and smirking at James. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell dad that you’re sleeping with your new roommate.”

“I’m not sleeping with him,” James said, and Albus snorted.

“Not yet maybe.”

“Now I want you to leave,” James decided, though honestly he didn’t. He enjoyed spending time with Albus. More than that, James didn’t want to be home alone with a stalker still watching him.

James hadn’t gotten any calls since Teddy pulled out the phone cord, and he hadn’t seen any letters, but he knew they hadn’t stopped yet. Teddy always went outside before James in the morning to look around. He claimed he was “just getting some air”, but James wasn’t stupid. Sometimes he came back inside looking relaxed, but one or two times a week he’d walk in with his shoulders squared and his eyes shifty. He would lock the door and walk into the guest bedroom without talking to James. Teddy didn’t want to tell James because he didn’t want to scare him.

Telling Albus he didn’t want to be home alone meant he would have to explain the entire situation. Then what would he think? James was the oldest. He was always the confident one of the bunch, the fearless and reckless moron. James didn’t get into situations like this. He didn’t drink to quell panic or stay up at night because of paranoia and fear. James was strong. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be the kind of man his brother and sister could look up to. How could he be that when he was so scared of being attacked by someone with less than desirable intentions?

“Drive safe, okay?” James said before pulling Albus into a hug.

Albus grumbled at the contact. “Have fun tonight,” he said, and James pushed him back.

“Okay I’m done hugging you, go away now.”

“You make it way too easy, Jamie,” Albus said, patting James on the shoulder and reaching out to open the door. “I’ll see you later. I promise I won’t tell dad, but you may want to talk to Lily. Maybe tell mom.”

“No she can’t know either. Not yet at least.” James followed Albus out the door, leaning against the door frame. “Maybe when things calm down they’ll be more open to it, but not right now.”

“What do you mean when things calm down?” Albus asked. “It’s been a year since that article came out. Has dad really not let you live it down yet?”

James opened and closed his mouth for a minute before shrugging one shoulder. “Yeah, well, you know how it is. I need to keep my head down and not embarrass the company again.”

Albus looked disgusted at that, sneering and shaking his head as he zipped his hoodie up. “The company. As far as I’m concerned, dad should be more upset about paparazzi invading your privacy than you sleeping around. Which is not something you should be shamed for. Look, just try not to worry about that.”

James grinned. “Aw, thanks Albie. I’m telling you, Scorpius has made you all soft and sweet.”

Albus scowled and hunched his shoulders, turning his back on James. “I hope Lupin leaves your ass.”

“I love you too!”

James stood in the doorway watching Albus as he got into his car and drove off, waving after him and letting the smile fade once he’d disappeared from sight. He looked around the area before stepping back into his place and shutting the door, locking it behind him. Teddy had a key, so James left the door and decided to just take a shower to clear his mind. He hoped the nerves of telling Albus how he felt about Teddy would be gone by the time his bodyguard returned.

He scrubbed shampoo into his hair, losing his thoughts to what Albus had said, and what he’d shown James regarding their baby cousin. Lucy was eight now, but she’d been six when the bus bomb incident had taken place. James wondered if she remembered Teddy at all. If she still had that handkerchief. It must have been Teddy’s, judging by the initials stitched into it. James wanted to know more about that day. He wanted to know what happened just before the bomb went off, and what Teddy had gone through in the months following.

His recovery, how long he spent in the hospital, his mental health, the medicine he had to take, what psychologist he’d been frequenting; James wanted to know about every aspect of Teddy’s life that had anything to do with his PTSD. That way he could learn how to help him through it and take care of him. If anyone deserved it, it was the man who saved his baby cousin’s life. The man who was putting his own life on hold to protect James. James wanted to return the favor by protecting Teddy any way he could.

James was dressed and drying his hair, standing in the living room watching the news when Teddy got back. His brow was sweat heavy and the front of his shirt was damp. He must have run a few miles at least. James smiled at him when he looked into the living room.

“Welcome back,” he greeted, and Teddy furrowed his brow, looking around and walking into the living room.

“Are you here alone? Albus left?”

“Yeah but it’s fine,” James reassured. “I locked the door and took a shower.” He nodded at Teddy’s shirt. “You should take one too.”

Teddy didn’t look very pleased, but he didn’t say anything as he paced back over to the door to lock and bolt it.

“Hey, really, it’s okay,” James insisted, pulling the towel off his head. “Nothing happened.”

“I know,” Teddy mumbled, walking over to James and reaching out to hold his face. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to James’ temple. “I’m gonna take a shower. You know the drill, don’t answer the door or the phone.”

“You broke the phone, remember?” James said, his face burning. Teddy smiled at him, tracing his cheek with a thumb before letting him go and walking around the couch, then down the hall to the bathroom.

James waited until he could hear the water running before throwing his towel on the couch and turning the television off. He vaulted over the couch and into his bedroom. It was getting late, the sun was already setting. No one was going to interrupt them again. James was starting to burn from the anticipation. He wanted to wrap his arms around Teddy and not let go until they were both struggling to breathe, and no one was going to stop him.

It seemed a bit unnecessary to fix his hair if it was just going to get messed up later, but James still stood in front of the wall mirror, running his fingers through his hair to try and style it without any product. When he was satisfied, he fished out a bottle of breath freshener from his bedside drawer and sprayed it into his mouth a few times. He had the drawer shut and was walking back out to the hall when the bathroom door opened and Teddy stepped out with a towel in one hand wearing only pants.

He must not have been expecting James to be there, because he froze when their eyes met. James could see the tattoos on his arms now, and his heart splintered into pieces in his chest when he saw the scars. They weren’t just on his neck, completely ruining the crescent moon that had been there. Burn scars that were years old marred his left shoulder and a small part of his chest, under his arm and down his side to his ribs, stopping just above his hip. It was all on his left side, and James could only guess it was because his left had been facing the front of the bus where most of the explosives had been placed.

“Hey _ — _ ”

“Can _ — _ ”

They started to talk at the same time, then stopped, both of them silent for a drawn moment before James tried again. He tore his eyes from the scarring and met Teddy’s eyes. “Does it still hurt?”

Teddy didn’t even hesitate, reaching over with his right hand to touch the scars on his side. “They get stiff when it’s cold. It’s not so bad when I exercise regularly and take medicine when I need to.”

James nodded slowly, and when he reached out, Teddy didn’t stop him. In fact he pulled his hand away so James had a clear view of the scars. He grazed his fingertips across the burn scars. The skin appeared stretched and shiny, parts of the scarring looked pale white, while other parts looked light pink or even a bruised purple.

“You’re sure it doesn’t hurt?”

“Not right now,” Teddy said, and James swallowed the lump in his throat.

He lifted his eyes again to meet Teddy’s, lost in the tenderness Teddy was looking at him with. The older man lifted a hand to brush aside James’ hair, pushing it behind his ear. His palm cupped James’ cheek, and James slid his hand behind Teddy’s back to feel his spine, stepping closer and lifting his chin. He already knew  _ he  _ wanted this, but he wanted Teddy to make the first move.

Teddy did, leaning the last few inches closer to catch James’ lips in a deep kiss. It felt so natural despite being new, and some stupid, juvenile part of James was telling him it was because his lips were always meant to kiss Teddy’s. Every person he’d kissed before had merely been practice for when he finally met this man. James wasn’t inexperienced, and Teddy clearly knew what he was doing. Something told James that it was going to be an amazing night.

James used what was available to get a firm grip on Teddy. He slipped his hand to grab the band of Teddy’s jeans, pressing his knuckles against the searing surface of the man’s bare skin, dangerously close to what he was desperate to own for himself. For once, Teddy didn’t seem against it. In fact he seemed to be aching for it as much as James was.

He had one arm wrapped around James’ shoulders, one hand gripping James’ hip firmly. Not nearly enough to hurt, but enough to assure James there would be no getting out of this; because that was exactly what he wanted to do, of course.

James yanked on Teddy’s jeans, backing up slowly and reaching one hand blindly to find the door to his bedroom. It was already conveniently open, so he clung to the door frame, using it as leverage to drag Teddy until they had both cleared the doorway and were stumbling towards the bed.

“What about the hall lights?” Teddy asked against James’ mouth before kissing him again. 

James hummed, still gripping Teddy’s jeans, dragging his free hand up the plane of his stomach to his chest. “Leave ‘em. Stay here.”

“I’m staying. I’m not going anywhere.” Teddy reached up to cup both hands around James’ face, breaking out of the kiss to press their foreheads together. “I promise you. I’m not going anywhere.”

James took a shaky breath before offering Teddy a daring, reckless smile. “Prove it.”

“What do you want me to do?” Teddy asked, backing James towards the bed.

“It’s been a while,” James hummed, and Teddy laughed softly.

“Yeah, for me too.”

“You longer than me probably,” James noted, rubbing his cheek against Teddy’s. Both their faces scratched together from the bare bit of stubble that was still too short to shave off.

“Two and a half years maybe.” Teddy pulled the back of James’ shirt up. “Since my last girlfriend.”

James snorted. “Have you ever been with another man?”

“Sure, I’m bi, I’ve been with a few.”

“I’ll try not to feel too jealous,” James mumbled, popping the button of Teddy’s jeans and pulling the zipper down. “Have you bottomed?”

“Sure,” Teddy laughed, lips on James’ neck. “I’ll do whatever you want, boss.”

James snorted, pressing his face into Teddy’s neck as the man grazed his teeth below James’ ear. That was right, Teddy was technically working for James. It almost felt like if they did this wrong, it could be seen as a power play by James. He didn’t want that. He really liked this man, and wanted them both to enjoy what they did next.

He pulled away and met Teddy’s eye. “Then I supposed you wouldn’t mind if I asked you to put me on the bed and fuck me till I couldn’t breathe?”

“No I don’t think I’d mind that.”

“Great.” James grabbed Teddy’s face. “Then put me on the bed and fuck me until I can’t breathe.”

Teddy looked hesitant for half a moment before his eyes became heavy and filled with desire. James was on the bed an instant later, so quickly that he didn’t remember falling. Teddy was already mostly naked, only wearing his boxers as he threw his jeans aside and reached out to help James with his. James let Teddy do what he wanted, shifting so he could tear his shirt over his head and throw it carelessly somewhere in his room. He felt unexpectedly shy as Teddy finished pulling his jeans off his ankles.

He dropped them to the floor a little more gently than James had before crawling over him, placing a hand on his bare chest and leading him down to lie against the pillows. For a moment all they did was kiss and caress. James let his hands roam Teddy’s body, what parts he could reach at least. His fingers traced each scar before following the ridges of his spine to the base of his skull, where he twisted his fingers through Teddy’s hair.

Teddy seemed as curious as James. His warm hands felt up the younger man’s sides, his ribs, chest and stomach, wanting to touch everywhere. His fingers left burning trails of sensation wherever they touched. It was so good James almost didn’t want anything else. Just being able to touch Teddy, to kiss him and memorize his mouth while his hands mapped out his body, was almost enough. He did want more though, and rolled his hips mindlessly against Teddy’s leg to show it.

Every inch of his skin was burning for it so badly that it was almost uncomfortable. His thighs trembled with the anticipation of feeling Teddy firmly between them. His hand fisted in Teddy’s faded blue and brown hair as small noises he couldn’t swallow escaped his mouth for Teddy to drink up. Part of James worried they would both lose it before they’d even gotten started.

After what felt like a lifetime, Teddy broke the kiss, and James opened his eyes to stare at him. Teddy looked drunk on the kiss, his eyes glazed and a smile on his lips that was both adoring and heartbreaking. James couldn’t figure out why, but his chest ached at the smile Teddy was giving him. Like he’d never seen anything so beautiful.

Maybe that was why; because James had never really seen Teddy smile before.

James lifted a hand to hold the side of Teddy’s face. “Did I mention how much I like your tattoos?”

“All of them?” Teddy asked, and James moved his hand to cradle Teddy’s neck, rubbing a thumb across the scar there.

“Even this one.” James said, dragging Teddy closer so he could press a kiss against the damaged skin. “Especially this one.”

Teddy gave a soft laugh, leaning away and turning his head to kiss James’ palm. “Should I check the drawer?”

James leaned up to kiss Teddy, taking it upon himself to reach over and open the drawer. He searched around blindly until he’d found a condom and the bottle of lube he kept stocked for those special occasions that he brought men home.

Teddy took the lube from James, reading the front of the bottle before looking at his lover. “Made by Potter Pharmaceuticals, huh?”

James shrugged. “What? We make good stuff.”

“Guess we’ll find that out, huh?” Teddy popped the lid open. 

James couldn’t help the idiotic giggle he tried to hide by clearing his throat and deepening his voice. “Guess we will.”

Teddy snorted and kissed James, reaching down to slide off his boxers. “How do you want me to prep you?”

“I want to keep kissing you,” James sighed. He was already shaking eagerly, holding Teddy’s face securely between his hands. “Do it like this. So I can keep kissing you.”

“It might be uncomfortable,” Teddy warned, and James snorted.

“Think I’ve never done something in this position before?”

Teddy pouted a little at that. “I would never hold your past relationships against you, but teasing me is mean.”

“Oh I’m mean?” James pushed both hands harder against Teddy’s cheeks to squish his face. “It makes this easier, doesn’t it?”

Teddy hummed in thought before kissing James on the cheek. He grabbed the other pillows on the bed, putting one beneath James’ hips and stacking the rest behind him. James shifted around so he was leaning up against the cushions. His face burned at how the new position exposed him, though that was the entire point. He reached out to hold Teddy’s shoulders and pull him closer into a kiss.

James was no stranger to this kind of thing, exposing himself to be played with and baring his deepest vulnerabilities despite the possibility of being hurt in some way. Somehow, for some reason, this felt different. One could argue it was because it had been a while since James had been with anyone, but it seemed deeper than that. In fact James was certain that it was deeper than that.

Just like how kissing Teddy felt different, being touched by Teddy felt different. Having lube slick fingers probing at him, discovering him, felt different. It felt exciting, terrifying and dangerous. James couldn’t stop shaking. His chest tightened with emotion and his fingers tangled through Teddy’s hair as Teddy eased his fingers deeper. Slick and cold but warming with James’ body heat.

He could feel the intrusion growing more bearable and comfortable as Teddy thrust his fingers deep. He curled them and dragged them back down the slick channel before shoving them back in. James was aching for it, trembling and moaning as Teddy reached places inside of him that he hadn’t even realized were there. His lust was an itch that was steadily growing more unbearable as his body got used to Teddy’s fingers, leaving him right at the edge but unable to get any further. At first it was fine. James revelled in the pleasure as he kissed Teddy _ — _ his lips, his face and his closed eyelids _ — _ until he was shaking and it was painful.

That’s when he pushed at Teddy’s shoulders and broke the kiss with a gasp. Teddy reached up with his free hand and brushed James’ hair out of his eyes. His face was red, his eyes glazed as if he could barely see beyond James’ lips. James didn’t know how long Teddy had been prepping him, but for all his self control, he was probably going mad from his own lust.

James grabbed the condom from where he’d dropped it on the bed, and Teddy’s pupils expanded. He slipped his fingers out of James before shedding his boxers. Teddy had remarkable self control and patience, but seeing Teddy fully bared in all his glory was worth the wait. His body was firm with muscle from his past as a cop that he still managed to maintain. Even the scars took almost nothing away from his beauty. If James had any lingering doubts that Teddy wanted this just as much, they disappeared in a cloud of smoke when his eyes fell on Teddy’s cock. It hung heavy and hard between his legs, the tip glistening and showing his desire for James, proving that even his incredible patience still had a limit.

Teddy reached out for the condom, but James held it tightly in his hand. “Let me. I want to touch you.”

Teddy laughed softly, leaning back as James followed him, tearing the condom open and kissing Teddy as he took hold of the man’s cock. He dug his thumb into the tip of it to smear the precome dribbling out, using it to ease his way stroking up and down the shaft. It was searing hot and silky in his hand, as heavy and hard as it looked. James gave Teddy’s mouth feather-light kisses. Teddy’s breathing began to grow heavier with each stroke of James’ hand. Eventually he reached out to grasp James by his shoulders and jerk his hips up.

James released him then, sinking his teeth gently into Teddy’s bottom lip as the man groaned. He held him in place like that as he rolled the condom onto Teddy’s cock.

He then grabbed the back of Teddy’s neck, falling against the cushions as Teddy followed him down and situated himself between James’ legs. He squeezed James’ thighs in both his hands, pressing his fingertips into the flesh of his inner thighs and pushing them apart slowly, keeping deliberate eye contact with James as he held his legs open. James felt his breath hitch in his throat at the intensity of Teddy’s stare, one hand fisting in the duvet as Teddy hovered closer.

“Should I give you the option to back out?” He asked. “It’s only polite to give you a chance to say no.”

“Why would I do that?” James asked. “I’ve already had your fingers in me, might as well go all the way.”

“Truly the romantic type, aren’t you?” Teddy asked, and James grinned.

Their eyes stayed locked together as Teddy settled his pelvis between James’ thighs, taking himself in one hand and pushing forward to seek out James’ entrance. There was a moment of panicked exhilaration as the lube heavy head of his cock pushed against his rim, smearing the lube around his hole before the pressure began to grow. Every feeling and sensation seemed to be a million times more intense, and his body jerked involuntarily as Teddy breached into his body. James parted his lips and gave a pathetically pitched noise, already trembling in delight despite the initial discomfort of having something shoved into him.

His vision swam, but he was still blessed with witnessing the change on Teddy’s face as it creased in concentration. His cheeks burned red in pleasure and his lips parted as he took a shaky breath in. James wasn’t expecting the way Teddy’s eyes rolled closed and his head ducked. He hid his face against the side of James’ neck and clung to him as he began to move his hips, thrusting deeper into James and tearing a gasp from his throat.

James grabbed the back of Teddy’s neck and moaned low, his thighs trembling and his eyes rolling closed. Colors exploded in the darkness as pleasure he should have been familiar with ripped up his spine to twist around each of his nerves. The feeling of a cock thrusting in to settle against his prostate was something he was used to feeling, but somehow it still felt different. His body was on fire, and even with the condom James could still feel each pulsing vein along Teddy’s cock as it slid home. It was incredible.

James turned his head, wrapping one arm behind Teddy’s neck with his eyes still closed. When Teddy brushed their lips together, James was happy to accept the kiss. When Teddy reached out to grasp James’ left hand with his right, James eagerly opened his fingers so they could slot between Teddy’s. He raised his knees higher so he could use them to squeeze Teddy’s sides. Teddy seemed to take it as confirmation to move, thrusting in deeper and pushing James’ hand against the bed, clinging to him with a death grip.

Teddy moved his hips slowly as he kept their lips together in a kiss. That connection alone held more passion than James had ever experienced before with another lover. Even with Teddy thrusting deliberately, for a dizzying moment all James could concentrate on was the kiss. Teddy’s lips were warm, if a bit chapped. An absolutely mental piece of James’ mind urged him to lick and bite at Teddy’s lips, as if that would help. He pressed their mouths back together in a searing French kiss that had James’ mind spinning like a twister.

He was completely surrounded by heat and desire, and he felt safe beneath Teddy. He felt looked after, adored, worshipped, and more turned on than he’d ever been before in his life. He couldn't get enough of it. Every sensation, the tickles of Teddy’s hair brushing at his face, the pressure of Teddy’s hand clinging to his, the sharp and almost agonizing ecstasy of Teddy’s cock thrusting deep to set every nerve ending aflame.

Teddy’s skin. Teddy’s lips. Teddy’s hands. His breath and the softness of his hair between James’ fingers. James wanted more of it, all of it, and more still. Until there was nothing left of either of them but the memory of sensation. He wanted it until they’d both become ashes burned by their own lust and desires.

James didn’t want it to end at all, but he wouldn’t lie that it felt beyond amazing when it did. Everything below his hips buzzed in numbness, his body shaking as he dug his head back into the pillows with a broken cry. Teddy sank his teeth softly into the flesh of his throat, his own hips jerking and slamming into James’ thighs as they chased their climaxes.

Then it was over, and Teddy had his head lying against James’ chest. Their arms were wrapped around each other, lost in the exhilarating afterglow. When Teddy got off the bed after ten minutes of pure bliss, James sat up, ready to beg him to come back. He calmed down when Teddy simply threw out the condom and picked up his boxers to put back on, then returned to the bed, lying down next to James.

“For a second I thought you were gonna leave,” James said with a weak laugh. Teddy turned his head to look at him before rolling onto his side to face James, reaching out to caress the side of his face.

“I said I wouldn’t, remember?”

James hummed, smiling and rolling onto his side, reaching down to grab the duvet and pulling it up over himself and Teddy. “Then I guess this means you’re not sleeping on the floor tonight?”

Teddy smirked a little. “No. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to sleep here.”

“For the record I’ve been wanting you to sleep in bed with me for a while.”

“I know,” Teddy said softly. “I’m sorry I was being difficult.”

“What for? I already knew you had feelings for me, so I knew it was only a matter of time before my charms won you over.”

“You’re very confident.”

“Well yeah. I mean, am I wrong?”

Teddy snorted, reaching his arm around James and pulling him closer to kiss him on the lips. Chaste and gentle. James smiled against his mouth, reaching up to Teddy’s face.

“We don’t have to stop, do we?” James asked. “This, I mean. Us.”

“No,” Teddy said softly.

James looked between his eyes silently, as if trying to detect some form of deception. “What if my dad finds out?”

A look of unease crossed Teddy’s features, and he looked away as if to consider the question. Then he looked back at James, his expression going soft. James had no idea what could be going through his head at that point, but the tenderness in his gaze was unmistakable. James knew what he wanted to say even before he said it.

“In all honesty, I think I know you better than I know him. He may have been the one who hired me, but you’re the one I’ve spent the most time with. I’ve barely spoken to Harry more than a few times. How can anyone expect me to choose a contract I signed before I even knew you over… you?”

James felt his heart start to beat faster in his chest. He swallowed the knot of emotion in his throat. “What does that mean?”

“It means I have every intention of keeping my promise to you. I’m not going anywhere.” He drew his thumb across James’ lips. “Whatever happens, if Harry finds out, I’ll quit before he can fire me. Then he’ll have no say in what I do next.”

“Maybe you should quit now?” James blurted. “I mean, you can still protect me even if you’re not contractually obligated to. If you quit, you can just start dating me officially, and move in with me. That way if my stalker shows up you’ll still be here.” James reached out to hold Teddy’s face. “You can protect me and… I can look after you, too.”

“Look after me?” Teddy questioned, and James smiled weakly.

“It’s just that you’ve been through a lot. I want to make sure nothing like that ever happens again. I don’t want you getting hurt again. That’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“No.” Teddy pressed his forehead against James’. “I appreciate it, more than I can explain.”

“So you’ll stay even if my dad finds out?”

“Yes,” Teddy promised. “I’ll… also think about quitting, just so I’m not tied to Harry’s contract. There’s no way he can somehow kick me out of your life, right? I mean he’s wealthy and influential, but he’s not going to, I don’t know, try to deport me to America or something?”

James snorted in amusement, wrapping his arms around Teddy’s waist. “He’s got no say in what I do. I’m not a child, and if you quit and start dating me then what’s he going to do about it other than pout?” He closed his eyes. “Besides, if he actually got to know you, I think he’d really like you and approve of this. Considering all my crappy past one night stands, he should be thrilled that I’m dating you.” James opened his eyes to stare off to the side. “My dad thinks I’m just some tramp with commitment issues.”

“James, your dad loves you.”

“I mean, I didn’t say he didn’t. He just questions my choices sometimes. Probably because he married his childhood sweetheart.”

“That’s cute, but not everyone has to do that. People find connections in their own time, in their own way. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve slept with or how many boyfriends you’ve had. It’s all a lesson that needs to be learned so you’re ready to love when you find the right person.”

James smiled gently at that, humming. “Yeah. You’re right. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“For everything, by the way. Not just what you said. For everything.”

“I know, James.”

“You can call me Jamie,” James said, and Teddy tightened his grip.

“Really? Yeah, I can do that. Jamie, huh? Yeah.”

James snorted, closing his eyes again and burying his face against Teddy’s bare chest. “Goodnight.”

Teddy ran his fingers through James’ hair. “Goodnight, Jamie.”


	10. you’ve got everything i need (cuz you’re everything i’m not)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

Teddy felt a familiar jolt of panic when he woke up, his vision blurry and his mind reeling in confusion. He struggled to sit up as he breathed sharply, running a hand over his face and trying to remember where he was. The sheets around him were unexpectedly silky, and he blindly felt over them with his free hand until he bumped against something unexpectedly warm. He nearly jerked his hand away, until warm fingers wrapped around it. They squeezed his hand gently, and he turned his head to look down at where James was lying beside him. The younger man was propped up on his right elbow, clinging onto Teddy’s hand and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm.

“Are you okay?” He asked without looking at Teddy, who hesitated.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

“You’re sure?” James sat straighter, looking half asleep and worried at the same time. “You were talking in your sleep, and moving around a lot.”

“Yeah, I just,” Teddy rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. “Bad dream, maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“To be honest I don’t remember most of my nightmares, just… just how they make me feel.”

James looked more awake then, and more uneasy. He slipped closer, keeping his hand wrapped around Teddy’s and reaching his free hand out to press against his chest, over his heart. “How do you feel, then?”

Teddy hesitated, clearing his throat. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to lie just to keep me from worrying. I’m going to worry either way. You might as well tell me the truth.”

Teddy stared at the folds in the duvet for a moment before swallowing. “I… feel anxious. Scared. It’ll go away, though. When I’m more awake. I know I’m fine.”

“You are fine,” James soothed, rubbing Teddy’s chest. “Lie back down, try and sleep a little more. It’s still pretty early.”

Teddy nodded, lying down and reaching up to hold the hand James had pressed against his chest. He didn’t close his eyes, didn’t bother trying to get back to sleep, but he held James’ hand against his chest as he stared at the ceiling, willing himself to relax. His mind cleared after a moment, and he rolled his head to look at James. He seemed to have fallen back asleep, his head cushioned against Teddy’s shoulder. Teddy moved slowly so as not to wake him up. He deserved to sleep in, after all he’d gone through, and after having such a late night.

Teddy couldn’t sleep though. He made sure James’ head was cushioned against the pillows before pulling the duvet over him and getting out of bed. He picked up his clothes as he went, stepping into his jeans before grabbing a shirt from the guest bedroom. He paced into the front room, checking the clock on the wall that was ticking at four in the morning.

Teddy unlocked the front door and slipped outside, letting the cold air bite at his cheeks as he rubbed a hand through his hair and shut the door. He leaned his back against it and took a breath, shutting his eyes. He was still having nightmares and waking up at ungodly hours, still suffering from anxiety. This time, though, it almost felt bearable. Waking up in a panic and having someone lying next to him to hold his hand and talk him through it was something he’d never had before. It was something he didn’t think he needed or wanted.

He’d managed to make it this far on his own. Now James was there, holding Teddy’s face between his hands and saying he wanted to take care of him. Maybe it was because he was so exhausted from dealing with the trauma, but Teddy believed him instantly. That either proved how desperate Teddy was, or how genuinely and unfathomably good James was. Teddy didn’t know which option was better.

His eyes opened when he heard something rustling, tree branches or the bushes. It was still dark, the road was lit up by street lamps. Teddy felt a prickle on the back of his neck, as if someone was watching him. A horrible thought passed his mind, that James’ stalker could be hiding somewhere in the darkness. He could be behind a tree or a car, waiting for James, for the opportune moment to drop off another letter, or do something even worse.

Teddy turned to check the letterbox near the door, but it was empty. He was more anxious than before about the situation. Maybe because now James was more than just a job. Teddy had gotten too invested, fallen so deep into this that the only light left was James. Teddy was willing to go to endless means to keep him safe.

Teddy had his back to the door again, glaring out at the surrounding area. He was just waiting for someone to appear from the shadows. He nearly jumped when the door opened, turning to watch James step out. His hair was a mess and he was only wearing unbuttoned jeans.

“Jamie _ — _ ”

“Did you go back to sleep at all?” James asked with a sigh.

Teddy winced. “What time is it?”

“Ten to five,” James answered, reaching out to wrap an arm around Teddy’s waist. “Come back to bed, it’s freezing out here.”

“Probably because you’re not wearing a shirt,” Teddy said.

“When I woke up and saw you weren’t there I got worried,” James explained, and Teddy felt his heart ache. 

He wrapped an arm around James’ shoulders. “Sorry. I just needed some fresh air.”

“Well if you’ve had enough of it, come back inside and sleep for a few more hours.” James reached up to hold Teddy’s face. His hand was soothingly warm compared to the chill of the morning air. The kiss James placed on his lips was even warmer, and for a moment Teddy actually forgot they were outside. He shut his eyes and kissed back, letting James pull away first.

“You don’t have classes today, right?”

“On a Saturday?” James laughed. “Not usually. I have homework, but I don’t have to go anywhere. Shouldn’t you know that, mister chauffeur?”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to sleep in, then.” Teddy decided. He took James’ hand and followed him back into the house, shutting and locking the door behind him.

Teddy didn’t know how he’d managed to relax enough to fall back asleep, but he did. James was still in bed with him when he woke up past eight. He was already awake, lying on his back with Teddy’s head pillowed on his chest. Teddy didn’t know when that happened, when he’d curled around James to cling onto him, but James didn’t seem to mind.

He had one arm wrapped around Teddy’s shoulders, his other hand raking through Teddy’s hair. His nails scratched across Teddy’s scalp and the back of his neck in a soothing manner. Teddy closed his eyes to simply enjoy the feeling and think. James didn’t have classes until Monday, and Teddy’s next appointment with Astoria was on Wednesday. For the rest of the day, and Sunday, they had nothing to do. The idea of just staying in all day was starting to sound appealing.

They could just enjoy each other’s presence, wrapped in each other's arms like they’d never get another chance to. Teddy still needed to figure out if he should quit now or wait to be fired. It would probably be less painful in the end if he quit. He would explain to Harry that he had feelings for James and couldn’t in good conscience stay on as his bodyguard. Not after signing a contract that he wouldn’t start any romantic relationship with the younger man. If he came clean now and confessed to Harry, maybe Harry wouldn’t be as mad. If Teddy said he was quitting but would still look after James, maybe Harry would understand that Teddy genuinely didn’t care about the money. He just wanted to be with James.

Each caress of James’ hand through his hair just sealed his decision to quit and tell Harry how he felt. If it meant he could stay with James, it was worth it. He could get a different job, really look into being an Uber driver or a security guard. It didn’t matter what he did, really.

“I think I’m going to quit,” Teddy said. James’ hand paused in its path through Teddy’s hair. “I’ll cancel the contract with your father and quit being your official bodyguard, so I can just stay with you as I am.”

“Really?” James asked, and Teddy nodded.

“I’ll still have access to Kingsley and Scotland Yard, so I can still get updates about the situation to and from Kingsley.”

“What should we do if my dad tries to hire another bodyguard?”

“I don’t know.” Teddy admitted. “Just tell him no, I guess.”

“Think it’s that easy?”

“Worth a shot.” Teddy rolled away from James so he was lying on his back with their shoulders pressed together. “I’ll talk to him on Wednesday when I come to pick you up after my appointment.” James gave a hum of understanding, and Teddy hesitated. “There is a chance it might not go well, but I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me.”

James reached down to hold Teddy’s hand, slotting their fingers together and squeezing. “If my dad wants to make any complaints, we can just go talk to my uncle.”

“Who’s that?” Teddy asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of James’ hand. “Someone important?”

“Percy Weasley?”

Teddy repeated it in his head before shaking it. “Sorry, I don’t recognize the name. Can he somehow convince Harry to let us date or something?”

“Something like that,” James said. He was quiet for a moment before speaking again, squeezing Teddy’s hand. “When my brother was here yesterday, he showed me this video from the day of that incident.” Teddy winced, and James held his hand tighter. “It was an interview from one of the survivors.” He paused again before turning his head. “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s okay,” Teddy quickly assured.

James looked uncertain, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on one hand. “All I want to do is thank you,” he said, and Teddy furrowed his brow.

“What for?”

“You saved my uncle’s life that day,” James explained, and Teddy felt a jolt of shock run through him as he stared up at James. “My uncle, my aunt, and my two youngest cousins.” He looked emotional, pained and relieved at the same time, lowering his voice to a soft tone. “What happened that day? Before it went up, I mean. How did you get everyone off the bus?”

Teddy felt speechless in shock, staring blankly at James and trying to process what he’d revealed before taking a slow breath in. “None of them believed me at first. We led the bus to a safe area where no one would get hurt. I entered the bus first and explained what was going on. When I said there was a bomb, half the bus laughed at me, so I just… started grabbing people and forcing them off. It turned into a crowd of annoyed and scared people pushing at each other to get off first. I had to stand on one of the seats to keep out of the way while everyone got off. There was this one little girl, five or six years old, near the back. She dropped something in the chaos from the adults shoving around and let go of her mother’s hand to go back for it. Her mother freaked out so I told her to just get off the bus and that I’d get her daughter. I jumped over the seats and scooped her up before heading for the door. That’s when it sealed shut, with us still locked inside. She started crying in my arms, so I went back into the aisle and tried to look for a different way out. I didn’t have a lot of time, didn’t know what to do, so I tried to calm her down. I gave her a handkerchief.” James shut his eyes, but Teddy kept talking. “I tried to open a window but it was jammed, so I just broke the glass out and told the girl Kingsley would catch her.”

“That’s how it happened then,” James said softly, sitting up with a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “Did you have any contact with any of the survivors after?”

“No,” Teddy admitted, and James seemed to ponder that.

“Do you want to have any contact with them?” Teddy shrugged, so James hummed. “I wasn’t kidding before when I said my aunt and uncle were on that bus; and my cousins.”

“So you think your uncle would accept me because I was the cop from that day?”

“No,” James said with a smile. “He’d accept you because you saved his daughter.”

Teddy sat up slowly, meeting James’ eye. He thought of the small girl who was sobbing in the bus, snot dripping from her nose and face red. He recalled getting on his knees to hush and reassure her, using his handkerchief to wipe at her face and promise her it would be okay. He remembered breaking the window out with his elbow, ignoring the stinging cute and blood on his arm as he crouched back down. He pulled the girl’s sleeves down over her hands, telling her to be careful of the glass before plucking her from the ground and helping her to climb out.

“That little girl was your cousin?” Teddy asked, and James nodded.

“I didn’t know until Albus showed me the video yesterday. I forgot it happened, it was such a long time ago, but I do remember how protective my uncle got after it happened.”

“Is she okay?” Teddy asked softly, and James laughed.

“She’s fine. You saved her life.” James reached out to hold Teddy’s face. “Thank you.”

Teddy sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and nodding. “I’m just happy she’s alright. I can’t imagine what that day must have done to her, and to the others.”

“What about what it did to you?” James asked, and Teddy pulled his hand away. “Did you take your meds?”

“I just woke up,” Teddy chuckled. “I’ll take them in a minute.”

“I’ll go start breakfast then.”

Teddy kept a firm hold on James’ hand when he went to stand up, hesitating before meeting his eye. “Thank you for telling me.”

James smiled, leaning closer to place a chaste kiss onto Teddy’s mouth. “I thought it was something you deserved to know is all.” He held Teddy’s face in his hand and kissed him again before letting go of his hand and getting off the bed. “Go take your meds.”

“Right.”

For the entire weekend they stayed in the house. They lounged on the couch together binging shows on television or streaming movies. They cooked meals together, James studied and pouted about homework. He snuggled up against Teddy’s side and Teddy would wrap his arms around him, setting his lips into James’ hair and holding him close.

They would talk for hours and tease each other relentlessly. Teddy even offered to help James with some of his uni work. Every night they fell into bed together, Teddy found himself even more cursed to the fate he’d chosen. When they were both breathing heavily, looking into each other's eyes like nothing else existed, Teddy didn’t even care. He accepted it, the choice he’d made. He didn’t regret it, but he still worried.

Self control was important, especially for a cop. He wanted to be with James, but if the relationship put him in danger in some way, Teddy knew he would never be able to forgive himself. He wasn’t going to leave, not after promising to stay, but he needed to talk to someone about the relationship. He needed advice. He was able to slip away Monday after James had finished his classes when a knock on the door showed Albus had come around again.

“He stops by a lot,” Teddy mentioned offhand, and James looked suspiciously at the door with his arms folded from where he was sitting at the island counter with a textbook.

“Yeah I’m starting to wonder what’s up with him. He never used to come over this much. There’s no way he’s coming by so often because of you.”

“Maybe you should ask,” Teddy suggested. He opened the door for Albus, who gave him a much less hostile look than usual before stepping inside and holding up a bag.

“I brought fast food that’s bad for your health.”

James looked as baffled as Teddy felt as he shut the door behind the other Potter. “What for?”

“Am I not allowed to bring food?” Albus asked, shrugging off his coat and hanging it up before walking over to the island counter. He sat across from James and put the bag down.

James’ eyes flickered over to Teddy without speaking, and Teddy turned. He put his hands in his pockets and headed down the hall with a stride that said he absolutely knew what he was doing, though he didn’t. In fact he lingered in the doorway of James’ room so he could still hear the Potter’s.

“Has something been going on with you?” James asked, and Albus’ response was just as baffled as Teddy and James had felt.

“Me? No, why? Do I seem off?”

“Well it’s not every day you bring me Five Guys food.” James noted. “Is something wrong with Scorpius?”

Albus sighed. “No, everything is fine with Scorpius.”

“You two aren’t fighting?”

“No.”

“Then what are you doing coming over so often? Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with it, it’s nice to have you over and to spend some time with you, but you know you don’t have to force yourself? I know it’s not easy for you to open up to people, even me and Lily, and I appreciate that you’re trying, but to be honest I’m worried about you.”

“Because I’ve been coming over so often?”

“Yeah! I mean what else am I supposed to think other than the fact something might be wrong?”

There was a pause, and Teddy inched out of the doorway in an attempt to hear better. “Nothing’s wrong. Not with me, or Scorpius. I’m just stopping by because I have a lot of free time. Scorpius keeps saying I should spend more time with you and Lily, so that’s what I’m doing.”

“Hm.”

Teddy turned when his phone buzzed and looked down at the screen. There was a new text from Kingsley, asking Teddy if he was free to stop by. Teddy was thrilled for the opportunity to talk to his godfather, but at the same time he felt suddenly anxious. Why was Kingsley contacting him? Was there an update regarding James’ stalker?

Teddy put his phone into his pocket after texting back, bumping into James as he turned to head back to the front of the house.

“Hey, what are you doing?” James asked.

Teddy leaned down to kiss his cheek before stepping past him. “Kingsley just texted me. I’m heading over there now.”

“Oh,” James looked startled, following Teddy and stopping next to where Albus was still sitting. His elbow was propped against the island counter, holding his chin as they both watched Teddy pull his coat off the rack. “Is it… news? Bad news?”

“Not sure. Probably not.” Teddy pulled on his leather jacket, making sure he still had the car keys in his pocket before smiling at James. “I shouldn’t be long, but don’t wait up for me.”

“Okay. Drive safe.”

“I’ll text you later. Remember to charge your phone, and lock the door behind me.”

Teddy didn’t wait for confirmation as he pulled open the door, though he did hear Albus ask, “who’s Kingsley” as he shut the door behind him. His eyes instinctively swept over the area as he jogged towards the car.

Kingsley was at his desk flipping through a stack of papers when Teddy walked in, shutting the door behind him and walking across the office. “Afternoon. What did you text me for?”

Kingsley snorted without lifting his head. “Nice to see you too.” He scribbled something down before setting his pen aside and looking up at Teddy. “How have things been?”

Teddy blanked for a moment before remembering he was supposed to answer. He cleared his throat. “No changes. I’ve been keeping James on the same schedule outside of his classes. I leave the house for a run or hide in the back when he has people over. It’s almost always his brother.”

“No new letters?”

“Not since last Wednesday,” Teddy murmured, staring at the floor before looking at Kingsley. “What about here? Have you gotten any leads?”

Kingsley sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “No. Whoever this man is, he’s good at covering his tracks. Based on the things he writes about, and some of the pictures he’s taken, we think he may have met James at the school.” He reached out to one of the letters on his desk. “He talks about watching James while he studies, while he’s taking tests or walking the halls of the University. It could be a classmate, a teacher, maybe even a janitor. Or deeper than that, it could be a family friend. It could be someone he’s known for years.”

“I asked him before if he had any clues as to who his stalker might be, and he had no idea,” Teddy admitted, sitting down in the chair in front of the desk. “Although to be fair he could be so anxious and paranoid from the entire situation that he just can’t think.”

Kingsley scratched his neck. “The letters are fairly consistent, aren’t they?”

“Monday, Wednesday, and occasionally Friday, but there wasn’t a letter last Friday. I’ll check the letterbox when I get home.”

“We may have to resort to staking out the neighborhood.” Kingsley rubbed his jaw. “I want to send a few officers undercover just to sit in a car on the street for a while, to see if they spot someone coming up to the house.”

“That’s a good idea,” Teddy decided. “I know I’ve spent hours sitting at the window looking through the blinds and not seeing anything. It gets too dark at night and leaving the front light on would be too suspicious.”

“I’ll send a team over tonight, then,” Kingsley decided. “How has he been doing in regards to the stress of being stalked by a madman who has less than appropriate intentions for him?”

Teddy sighed and dropped his head back, staring at the ceiling. “It comes and goes. Some days he just sits and stares at the wall looking ready to snap. Sometimes he paces for hours until I manage to calm him down, usually with food, which is convenient. He’ll stand in the shower with the water too hot. I managed to get him to drink less alcohol, but that only does so much to calm him down.” He was staring at his folded hands now. “He’ll just lie in bed and not sleep, not do anything. Going by personal experience, it’s those times when he’s at his worst. I just try to make him feel safe. I never leave him home alone. I’m constantly promising everything will be okay, but I can only do so much.”

“You’re doing more than enough, Edward,” Kingsley reassured, and Teddy hesitated, sitting forward.

“On that note, actually, I… well, I am doing more. More than I should be.”

Kingsley looked and sounded slightly confused. “What do you mean by that?”

“It’s hard to explain,” Teddy said, lifting his folded hands to rub at his chin. “When I met with Harry to sign the job contract, he added… a bonus rule. A condition to me working for him and acting as James’ live-in bodyguard.”

“What condition?”

“Well, it’s kind of strange,” Teddy said with a laugh. “Do you remember about a year ago when the papers wrote that article about James getting caught snogging some bloke he brought home from a bar?”

“Yes. Mr. Potter mentioned he thought that had something to do with the stalker showing up.”

“Right, well, the condition, and don’t laugh, that Harry had me agree to before signing the contract, don’t laugh.”

“Just tell me.”

Teddy hesitated and pulled his hands away. “He said that I was under no circumstances allowed to enter into any kind of romantic relationship with James while I was working for him.”

Kingsley stared at him with a completely  blasé expression, but his lips began to twist up. He snorted, dropping his head back in loud, booming laughter that had Teddy bristling in frustration.

“I said don’t laugh!”

Kingsley was rubbing his eyes in amusement that he didn’t even try to suppress, sighing and shaking his head as he pulled his hand away to look at Teddy and grin. “You wouldn’t bring that up unless something happened.” Teddy felt his face heat and Kingsley smiled more. “Let me guess, there’s a reason you know when he’s sleeping or not.”

“No! I mean, since the last phone call he’s had me sleep in his bedroom, but I’ve taken the floor _ — _ ” he cut himself off and cringed as Kingsley arched his brow incredulously. “Bloody hell.” Teddy dropped his face into his hands, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “I messed up.”

“Edward—”

“It’s not what you think!” Teddy pulled his hands away to gape at Kingsley. “This has absolutely nothing to do with money!”

“I would never accuse you of that. I know you better than anyone, Edward. I know where your heart goes when you start feeling for someone.” Kingsley’s casual reassurance had Teddy relaxing, but he still felt anxious about the situation.

“I got too deep into this,” Teddy said, hands clenched into fists and brow furrowed. “It was a simple job, and I let it get to me. Protecting James became so much more complicated. I just… I get along with him, he’s so easy to be around, and at the end of the day the thought of anything happening to him affects me more than it should. I should be guarding him because it’s my job, but it’s turned into something far more complex. I need him safe, Kingsley, I don’t know what I’d do if _ — _ ”

He cut himself off again and rubbed his hands over his face. Kingsley didn’t reply. Maybe he knew there was more Teddy needed to say. Teddy felt the inexplicable need to explain himself and justify his feelings. He already knew Kingsley would never shame him for his emotions, this man raised him after all. He loved Teddy unconditionally, but Teddy still felt as if he could be disappointing Kingsley in some way.

“He’s not at all what you would expect to see from a rich family,” Teddy explained, throwing up words without giving them a second thought. “He’s kind, and generous. He knows how to do basic house work, and he’s intelligent enough to get on the Dean’s list at his University. He’ll stay on the phone with friends and family for hours into the night simply because they’re having a bad day and he wants to be there for them. He’s never once turned his brother away when he’s stopped by the house, yet he’s been keeping everything regarding the stalker away from him; from all of his family. He opens his heart to help the people he loves but smiles to hide his own problems like he’s trying to protect everyone when he’s the one who needs to be protected.” Teddy met Kingsley’s eye. “Even me, Kingsley. I’m his bodyguard yet he’s the one who’s always asking if I’m okay and saying he wants to protect me, because of what I went through. With mum and dad, and with the bomb.”

Kingsley looked surprised. “He knows about that?”

Teddy rubbed his neck. “Do you remember the little girl from that day? The one with bright red hair?”

“Lucy was her name,” Kingsley noted, and Teddy nodded his head.

“Lucy Weasley. That’s Jamie’s cousin. I saved his cousin, and he realized it a few days ago, and…” Teddy shook his head. Kingsley looked awestruck. “James is the kind of man who wears his heart on his sleeve and looks after the people around him, while hiding his own vulnerabilities so people don’t see him as weak. Maybe because he doesn’t think he’s allowed to be, I don’t know. I’m drawn to him because of that, because I want to be the person he can trust to be vulnerable in front of. I want to protect him. Not just because of his stalker, but because I’ve grown to treasure him as my friend.”

“It’s more than that, though. Isn’t it?” Kingsley asked. “He’s more than just a friend to you now.”

Teddy felt like someone had shot him in the chest from the way he choked on his breath. “I want to stay with him, Kingsley. Even after the situation with his stalker is over.”

Kingsley leaned back in his seat, shrugging. “I’ll support whatever decision you make. I trust your judgement and I can only hope James’ intentions are as firm as yours. What do you plan on doing about the contract, though?”

Teddy took a breath. “Well I already broke it pretty thoroughly,” he said, blushing and looking down as he cleared his throat. “I’m going to quit and tell Harry the truth, that I’ve well and truly fucked up and fallen for his son like he told me not to do.”

“Good.” Kingsley picked up a folder. “Telling the truth is the only way to go from here. Quit as his bodyguard and stay on as his lover. That should be a fair deal for Mister Potter. He’ll get the benefits of having a bodyguard for his son without having to pay for it.”

Teddy rolled his eyes. “Well if he didn’t want me being romantically involved with James before, he’s probably not going to be too thrilled about me quitting his payroll so I can shag his son instead.”

“I don’t know about that. Wouldn’t it just say something about your morals that you quit so you could romance his son?”

“Why, because I’d rather have a jolly with James as payment for my guarding services rather than getting paid actual money?”

“I meant that it proves how much you clearly care for the man,” Kingsley said. “You don’t care about money so long as you can stay with him. That says something about you, Edward. You’re a good man, you’re not the kind of person who would take advantage of those around you. Especially those in a similar position as James.”

Teddy pressed his lips tightly together, staring at the edge of the desk. “I just want to be with him.”

“I understand, and it may take Mister Potter some time to agree, but he will. Quit the job, get yourself off his payroll, stay with James like you want. Everything will be alright, and I’ll continue to back you up and support you.”

Teddy sighed and lifted his eyes to Kingsley. “And what do I do if Harry never accepts me as his son’s partner? If he thinks I really am just acting like a gold digger?”

Kingsley hummed. “Well I guess you’ll just have to marry James, won’t you?”

Teddy rolled his eyes. “This is actually a pretty stressful situation, so if you could take it a little more seriously?”

“I am being serious.” Kingsley shrugged. “You’re how old now? Thirty-one? You still haven’t settled down? When you find a man you connect with and care for this much, I expect a wedding to attend.” He tapped the table a few times, and Teddy blushed.

“And how old are _ you _ , Kingsley? Don’t talk to me about getting married at thirty-one.”

“Watch it, kid.”

“In any case, I don’t think marrying him would clear Harry’s conscience any.”

“Do you want to get married?” Kingsley asked, and Teddy sighed, rolling his eyes and turning his head. His eyes caught the wedding photo of his parents hanging on the wall.

For a moment he just stared, before finally looking back at Kingsley. “I don’t know. Not right now. Whatever this is I have with James, it only just began. I’m not going to immediately marry a man I’ve only known for two and a half months. A man I’ve only been seeing romantically for less than a week.”

Kingsley chuckled at that, a fond smile on his lips. “Well, people have done more spontaneous things. Take as much time as you believe is necessary to decide who you’re going to marry, but take my advice. When you find someone, don’t let them go. You don’t have to tie down, but don’t let them go.”

“I know, Kingsley. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. To tell you what was happening beyond me being his bodyguard and the stalker, and to tell you I was going to quit.”

Kingsley nodded. “I appreciate the heads up. If things get sour with Mister Potter, I’ll do my best to smooth things over. All I want you to do is focus on taking care of James and learning how to be happy with him.”

Teddy sat straighter. “You seem to be getting more enjoyment out of this than I expected.”

Kingsley snorted. “Edward, you've been single for years. I want you to connect more with people. Socialize, contact your old friends and start making new ones. Find love, move past what happened. I just want you to be happy.”

Teddy felt light hearted when he returned to the house. By then it was dark out, but Albus’ car was still parked on the street. When Teddy got out of the Bentley, he noticed the unmarked police car that had followed him and parked across the street. The windows were rolled down to show a familiar man and woman, who nodded and gave him a small salute. Teddy recognized them from Scotland Yard, knew they were trustworthy, and nodded to them in return before heading for the front door.

The brothers were sitting on the couch in the living room with a movie playing on the television. Albus was still awake, but James appeared to be sleeping. He was slumped over using his brother’s shoulder as a pillow. Albus always seemed to be such a high-strung and uptight person to Teddy, the last thing he expected was for him to let his older brother sleep against him. That probably just proved what kind of person Albus was though. What kind of people the entire Potter family consisted of.

Albus didn’t spare Teddy more than a glance when he walked in and shut the door. “That took a while.”

“Sorry. My godfather texted me.” Teddy explained as he shrugged off his leather jacket, hanging it up. “Thanks for staying over.”

Albus scoffed and looked away from Teddy. “Didn’t do it for you.” He shifted around on the couch, pushing James to lie back against it and standing up. “When I was going to leave earlier he asked me to watch something with him, so I decided to stay till you came back.”

Teddy was going to ask why, but decided to leave it alone as Albus walked around the couch and grabbed his coat. He pulled it on and gave Teddy an incredulous look. “Has he been okay lately?”

Teddy felt blindsided by the genuinely soft question when compared to the rather hard expression Albus was wearing. It was startling to see someone could display both kindness and spite in the same instance. Albus was a strange man alright.

“What do you mean?”

Albus rolled his eyes, opening the front door. Teddy followed him out into the dark, turning the front light on before shutting the door behind him as Albus zipped up his coat. “The other week when I was spending some time with my parents, I overheard them talking about James when I was in the other room. They probably didn’t realize I was listening to them, but I’m not a bloody idiot. I knew something was going on. James has been acting weird for months now.” He pushed his hands into his pockets, looking across the yard. “Paranoid, anxious, scared of something. I didn’t know what was happening until I heard my parents talking.”

Teddy felt uneasy at the revelation, looking back at the door before looking at Albus. “What do you think is happening?”

“I don’t think anything,” Albus scoffed. “I snuck into my dad’s office and lifted the file he had.”

“You did what?”

“Nothing I’ve never done before and nothing I wouldn’t do again."

“Why would you sneak into your father’s office? What file did you steal?”

“I didn’t steal anything. I taped it while I flipped through the papers and looked through the video when I got home.”

“That’s… pretty clever actually.” Teddy admitted, and Albus hummed. “So you know what I’m here for then?”

Albus was quiet for a moment, lifting his head to eye the area before turning to Teddy. “Yeah. You’re my brother’s new boyfriend.” Teddy tensed up, his cheeks warming considerably as Albus pulled something from his back pocket and handed it to him. “I took your number from Jamie’s phone so I already have it. I’ll call you later.”

Teddy stared at the folded paper Albus had given him as the younger Potter passed him, heading towards his car. Unfolding the note, Teddy was shocked to find the words “stalker” and “bodyguard” scrawled onto the paper. He turned to yell after Albus, but he was already in the car and backing up. Teddy was so taken aback that he almost forgot to check the letterbox before going back inside, locking the door and flipping through the mail. After ensuring there was nothing suspicious, Teddy dropped it all on the glass coffee table and leaned over James. He put a hand on James’ face, caressing his cheek with a thumb. James made a noise, rolling his head and pressing his face into Teddy’s palm.

Teddy was careful not to wake him as he collected James into his arms and stood up, cradling him and carrying him into his bedroom. His phone started to buzz from his pocket as he was getting James comfortable, pulling his shoes off and pulling the duvet up as he pulled his phone out to answer.

“Hello?”

“It’s Albus.”

“Oh, you called sooner than I expected. Why didn’t you just talk while you were here?”

“I didn’t want James to wake up and hear me, and I didn’t want anyone else to hear me outside. In case that bastard was around.”

“Right, that was smart.” Teddy brushed James’ hair away from his face, fingers lingering on his forehead before he decided to back up and leave the bedroom. “So you found out what was happening by sneaking in and reading the files?”

“Right down to the ‘don’t shag my son’ contract my idiot father had you sign.”

Teddy winced at that. “In my defense I was fully prepared to follow that contract.”

“What for? It’s dumb.”

“Did your parents raise you to be this uncooperative and impertinent?”

“Yes.” Teddy snorted, walking into the front room to turn the lights down as Albus continued. “So to repeat my question?”

“He’s been okay,” Teddy answered, looking out the window before closing the curtain. “It’s nice to see you’re so worried.”

“Just don’t let him know I found out what’s going on,” Albus warned. “James is the kind of person who doesn’t like talking about his problems, especially with me or our sister. Maybe because he thinks we’re still just kids and he’s under some belief he needs to protect us.”

“I’ve picked up on that,” Teddy admitted, bolting the door and engaging the slide lock for extra measure. “He talks about his family a lot.”

“When we were kids, our dad worked a lot,” Albus said. Teddy paused in his steps as if walking would make it harder to hear. “Our mum travelled for work, so a lot of the time the three of us were on our own. James, being the oldest, ended up being the one to take care of us. We weren’t neglected or anything, and our parents spent lots of time with us, but I guess they were gone just long enough to make an impact, you know? James was a kid himself and had to raise us when our parents weren’t around, so it’s like he became more of a parent than a brother. That’s probably why he doesn’t like talking to us about things like this.”

“Kingsley Shackelbolt is the Commissioner of Scotland Yard. When your father brought the issue to him, he recommended not telling anyone else about the stalker.”

“That doesn’t change the fact James tries too hard to not worry everyone.”

“Fair point.”

“James is a nice guy. Too nice. It doesn’t surprise me this happened. People are bastards. Just look after him, it’s your job after all.”

“Actually, I was going to quit the contract,” Teddy admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I talked to James about it too. Since it’s the contract that’s telling me I can’t date him.”

“You don’t listen, do you?” Albus asked. “I wasn’t referring to the contract. I was referring to the fact my brother’s smitten with you. You want to have a relationship with him, you need to look after him. He can look after himself at the best of times, he can defend himself and protect himself, but he shouldn’t have to all the time. I don’t think he can in regards to the current situation. When you’ve been getting stalked and receiving skeevy and sexually violent letters from a faceless sociopath for over a year, it takes a toll on your mental health.” There was a pause where Teddy shuffled over and sat at the island counter. “Look after him.”

Teddy swallowed down the anxiety in his throat. “I will.” He looked down the hallway before turning his head to stare at the phone still mounted on the wall. “Why are you so accepting of this, can I ask?”

“Why not? It’s not like you’re the stalker.”

“No, but Harry didn’t seem very excited at the concept.”

“My dad thinks sleeping around is what got my brother in this situation to begin with. It’s nothing against you and nothing against James being gay, he’s just protective and panicking. He’s associating one article that came out because of Jamie’s one night stand with the stalker that showed up immediately after.”

“This situation is by no means his fault. This happened because of the stalker, not James.”

“Yeah, but my dad doesn’t think about that kind of detail. He does spontaneous shit when he’s worried or scared, that’s why he made that contract. He thinks having it in writing will keep someone else from hurting James in addition to the rest of this mess. He’s wrong of course, but he needs to realize that by himself. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“Thank you.”

“For the record, if you do hurt him, you’re going to regret it. You may be a decorated former Detective Inspector from Scotland Yard who saved my cousin’s life, but James is my brother. If you hurt him in some way, or fail to keep him safe, I will gladly ruin your life.” Teddy had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, but didn’t have to as Albus quickly added. “Good talk. Have a good night.”

He hung up, and Teddy pulled his phone away to stare at the screen. He didn’t feel very threatened, but Albus was from a wealthy family. He probably had a million contacts. If he said he could ruin Teddy’s life, then he probably could. Which was mildly frightening. There wasn’t much he could do to Teddy at this point, all he had that was of any value was James, but that didn’t mean Albus couldn’t get creative.

Not that Teddy had any intentions of hurting James of course, so he had nothing to worry about.

James was still sleeping when Teddy slipped into bed beside him. He reached out to wrap an arm around James, one hand carding through his hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead before shutting his eyes.

No, he wasn’t worried. He knew where to go from there. He knew what was important and what he wanted most. He would quit his job as James’ bodyguard so he could stay by his side as his lover instead. Money be damned, there wasn’t enough wealth in the entire world worth more than the satisfaction of holding James like this every night.


	11. just tell me i’m the only one (even if it’s not true)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry's POV

Harry remembered the crash that killed his parents as clearly as if it had happened the day before. He remembered their voices from the front of the car as his father played around with the radio and his mother laughed and told him to watch the road. Harry remembered the moment of peace before time seemed to stop and fast forward, cutting through the trauma of the crash and stopping so the next thing Harry remembered was sitting in the backseat.

He was strapped down by the seatbelt with his head hanging, aching, something hot dripping down his face. Blood from the gash cut into his forehead. His head lifted and his vision spun, searching for his parents and calling for his mother. 

His father had died on impact, but his mother had died in the ambulance, which Harry didn’t learn until he’d woken up in the hospital with his godfather sitting by the bed.

That crash had defined a huge portion of his life and character. It had sparked an obsession with protecting his children. Harry wasn’t as paranoid as he used to be, knew his children were safe and trusted them to take care of themselves. Sometimes certain things triggered his fear, and he was suddenly a kid in the hospital again after his parents had died.

Usually Harry could control his fear, but when things like this were happening to his children right in front of his eyes, all he could think about was losing them. He would think about how broken he would be if that ever happened. He just wanted his kids safe and happy, but they certainly made it difficult.

Harry used to worry that Albus would be the biggest problem, as he’d been such a troubled teen. Yet somehow he’d managed to enter adulthood with an already secure love and an equally attentive pair of eventual in-laws that adored him. Albus was happy, so was Lily, and it ended up being James who couldn’t seem to find something real. Something permanent and secure in his love life.

It had nothing to do with his sexuality, orientation, intelligence or appearance. Fate just seemed to be more interested in putting James through difficult trials, as if life was testing him in a subject he hadn’t studied for. Harry just wanted him to be happy, to find something that made him happy, but instead he’d found a stalker. Or rather, a stalker had found him.

Harry knew reading the letters and looking through the photos would just upset him, but he’d made copies for a reason before giving them to Scotland Yard. He sat back in his seat and sifted through the file he’d opened for James paper by paper. Whoever this man was, it didn’t seem like he cared about money at all. He seemed to be focused on one thing alone, terrorizing James until he’d been broken down completely. This man wanted James to give up on himself and let his guard down so he could come after him and do as he pleased; and what he wanted to do? It was nothing good.

Harry didn’t even want to imagine what would happen to James if his stalker got his hands on him.

He closed the file and tossed it onto his desk, rubbing both hands over his face and rubbing his fingers into his eyes. If he could, he would lock James in the house until his stalker had been found and put in prison, but James was an adult now. He could make his own choices, and he made the choice to stay at his own place. James wanted to continue going to classes and pretend nothing was happening. It made sense that he didn’t want people to worry and didn’t want to let this situation control him.

He was a brave man, but foolish, thinking he had to deal with everything by himself. Harry was grateful to Teddy for that reason, grateful that James had finally accepted a bit of help. Even if he only did so because he was interested in Teddy. Which Harry could see very clearly. He knew his son well, and he knew when he was getting eyes for someone attractive. Considering the situation he was in, Harry didn’t think it was appropriate, especially regarding the fact Teddy was working for them as James’ bodyguard. There was a clear imbalance of power. Teddy was on the Potter’s payroll, and James was being stalked. Romance should have been the last thing on his mind.

Harry picked up on his son’s interest the moment Teddy stepped into the office. His anger at Harry for hiring a bodyguard had faded instantaneously, replaced with a slack jawed, wide eyed look of awe as he stared at Teddy. That was why Harry added that condition at the last moment, in a final effort to keep the two of them strictly professional. Although in all fairness, if James wanted something, Harry doubted a paper contract would stop him from getting it.

At that point, all Harry could do was hope Edward Lupin had enough moral integrity and self control to focus on guarding James rather than bend to the heated looks James was constantly throwing in the man’s direction. It was probably a losing battle, trying to keep them from going beyond professionalism, but Harry still had hope for Teddy.

Harry rolled his head against the back of his seat to look at the computer monitor when it pinged to announce a new email. He stared at the sender's address and frowned. It was just a bunch of letters and numbers that looked like a keysmash. Harry almost thought it was spam, but he opened it for the sake of curiosity. He regretted it immediately as he opened the photos attached to the email.

His blood boiled and his ears rang in a mix of anger, frustration, and panic. He sat forward and grit his teeth as he read over the short email before getting to his feet, grabbing his keys and heading for the door without once wondering who sent the email.


	12. walk me down the old brick road (so i can die where I met you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

When James woke up, all he could think about was the fear he’d felt when Albus was getting ready to leave. It made him wonder how long he’d be terrified of being alone, and if it would stop once his stalker had been caught. It made him feel stupid, the way he grabbed onto Albus’ arm and asked him to watch a movie as he was heading for the door. How he clung to his younger brother’s sleeve, struggling to keep his voice from cracking.

He was pathetic, yet he somehow felt stronger when he woke up curled against Teddy’s side. None of the fear and weakness seemed to matter with Teddy’s fingers tangled in his hair, his heart beat drumming a rhythm under his ear.

Teddy was still asleep, but James didn’t mind. He rolled over, draping himself over Teddy and burying his face against the man’s chest. He could lie in bed like that forever, but it was Wednesday and Teddy had a noon appointment with his therapist while James interned with his father. He could afford to spend a few more minutes like this though. He reached out to grab his phone from where it was on the bedside table, looking through the notifications he’d gotten through the night while he remained snuggled against Teddy’s chest.

There was nothing very interesting. A few texts from Freddy, photos from Lily from her early morning practice, a goodnight text from Albus, a few more messages from friends and family, emails from online subscriptions and his university. One email in particular caught his attention, as he didn’t recognize the name of the sender. It was a bunch of random letters and numbers that initially appeared to be spam. When James tapped on it to open the email, he felt fear chill him to the bone, fully awake as he sat up and held his breath.

Attached to the email was a photo of James and Teddy standing in front of the door, early in the morning when the sky was still dark. Kissing. James didn’t have a shirt on, and they were holding each other. For all intensive purposes, it was a sweet photo, but James was shaking in paranoia as he read over the email. It was short, but it had James completely hyperventilating.

_ ‘I’m disappointed, James. I expected more than this from you.’ _

He dropped his phone, struggling to breath as he reached down to grab Teddy by the front of his shirt. He shook him, speaking with a high, trembling voice. “Teddy, wake up, please. He has my email.”

He felt vulnerable and close to tears when Teddy mumbled, brow furrowing and a hand lifting to rub his eyes as he hummed in question. “What’s going on?”

“He got my email. I don’t know how. I don’t know what’s happening.”

Teddy appeared bleary eyed and confused as he sat up, rubbing his face again as he struggled to wake up. He reached out to James as he continued to mutter and try to explain what happened.

“He was watching the house that night. He has pictures. He knows about you, and about me, and about us.”

“Whoa, whoa, hold on.” Teddy squeezed James’ shoulders, fully awake now. His eyes were wide. “Take a breath, calm down. Show me.”

James’ hands shook as he picked his phone back up and held it out for Teddy, who unlocked the screen to read the email. His jaw locked and his eyes grew dark. James felt like curling into a ball, clinging to Teddy’s arm.

“It’s him. It has to be. How did he get my email? That shouldn’t be possible!”

“Okay, okay,” Teddy soothed James, putting the phone aside and wrapping his arms around the shaking man. He rocked gently and pet a hand through James’ hair. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”

James shut his eyes and pressed his face against Teddy’s neck, taking slow breaths in and drinking in the other man’s scent. “What else can he do if he has my email, Teddy?”

“He slipped up, Jamie,” Teddy said sternly. “We can track his IP address. Even if he was at a school or a cafe using someone else's laptop, it’s still a straight shot to him. This is a good thing, it’s a lead.” He pulled away, cupping his hands around James’ face. “I’m going to bring your phone to Scotland Yard so they can track the email, alright? Everything is going to be fine.”

“What if he comes after you too?” James asked weakly. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Jamie,” Teddy laughed. “I trained for years to take down criminals, and I’ve kept up with my work out routine as a form of physical therapy. I can protect myself, and I can protect you. I won’t leave you alone, alright?” James continued to take deep, calming breaths. He nodded and shut his eyes as Teddy pulled him back into a hug.

James didn’t want Teddy to leave for any amount of time, clinging to him even as the other man coaxed him into taking a shower. He wasn’t hungry enough to eat an actual breakfast, but Teddy somehow got him to calm down enough to at least stomach fruit and drink some warm tea. It definitely took some time, but James felt like he was starting to calm down as he clung to a mug of warm tea and curled against Teddy. He stared at the coffee table as Teddy stroked a hand through his hair and a sitcom played on the television. It was a mundane attempt at a distraction, but Teddy didn’t want to go to Scotland Yard until James had calmed down.

“I don’t want to leave at all today,” James finally whispered, and Teddy’s hand paused in its path before he hummed.

“Alright, we can work around that.” Teddy shifted away from James, a hand still on his shoulder. “You were sleeping when I got back last night so I couldn’t tell you earlier, but Kingsley sent me home with a few officers to watch the house.”

James felt startled at the revelation, and even more anxious at the fact Teddy and Kingsley had felt the need to go that far. Though it seemed valid, considering the most recent update. So he gave a slow nod to show he understood, even though it made him feel even more vulnerable and miserable.

“I’ll run out and bring them the phone so they can take it to Kingsley and we can stay in.”

James felt himself relax, sighing and nodding. “I like that idea. Can we do that?”

Teddy smiled gently, taking the phone from where he’d put it on the coffee table and standing up. James turned and leaned against the back of the couch with folded arms as he watched Teddy put the phone and its charger into a plastic baggy, sealing it before grabbing his coat and looking at James as he paced towards the door.

“I’ll be right back. I’m just going across the street.”

“Okay.” James waited for the door to shut behind Teddy before climbing over the arm of the couch and hurrying over to the window beside the door. He peered out the curtain as discreetly as possible as he watched Teddy jog across the street, looking back and forth before stopping at a black car.

He stood there for a moment, conversing with whoever was inside before handing over the phone and backing up. He stopped at the sidewalk just in front of the house and waved as the car drove off. James backed away from the window when Teddy turned for the house, clambering back onto the couch and grabbing his tea in an attempt to pretend he hadn’t moved. He turned his head when the door opened to watch Teddy reenter the house. As if he needed to see the man walk in just to ensure it was actually him coming inside.

“Kingsley will text me as soon as he knows something,” Teddy informed, hanging up his coat and walking into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of hot water for tea. “Till then we’ll keep you in the house. I’ll cancel my appointment and you can call your dad.”

James felt a shiver run down his spine, setting the cup of tea down again so he could hide his face against the back of the couch. He wrapped his arms around himself. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to do that. Your appointment is more important than the mess I’ve gotten myself in.”

“James, no.” Teddy walked over to the couch, leaning over the back of it in front of James. He put a hand under his chin to urge him to lift his head, their eyes meeting. “I already told you, this was not your fault. Having a stalker is not the victims doing. It’s something that happens because of one person’s bad choices, and those bad choices aren’t yours. They’re his. You’ve done nothing wrong, you shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed for this at all.”

James felt a rush of relief, like that was exactly what he needed to hear. He took a shaky breath and turned his head to push his face into Teddy’s hand, shutting his eyes. “Is it because I’m too nice to people?”

“No, it’s because this man is insane. No part of this is your fault. Do you understand?”

James nodded, curling up against Teddy the moment he was sitting back on the couch with his own cup of tea. “Is it bad that I feel unrealistically grateful to the lunatic?”

“What do you mean?”

James considered it for a moment, tapping his fingers against Teddy’s chest. “I probably wouldn’t have ever met you had this never happened.”

Teddy snorted, his arm wrapping tighter around James so James could tuck his head against the side of his neck. “It’s not bad, but… I like to imagine we may have run into each other eventually.”

“London is a pretty big place, and you were essentially a shut in before taking this job.”

“I suppose that’s true, but it’s nice to imagine we would have found each other regardless of circumstance.”

James thought about it, one hand tucked just under Teddy’s shirt so his fingers could trace the scars on his left side, just above the waistband of his jeans. “Yeah,” he said finally, smiling. “Don’t forget to quit, by the way.”

“I won’t forget.” Teddy pressed his lips against James’ forehead. “I can talk to Harry when you call him about taking the day off.”

James pulled his head back to look up at Teddy. “Oh, right. I probably need a phone for that, don’t I?”

“You can just use mine.” Teddy pulled out his cellphone, holding it out for James to take.

James found himself holding the phone and staring silently at the lock screen photo. Teddy was young in it, his hair brown and a blinding smile on his lips. He was tucked between his parents, who had their arms wrapped around him, sharing proud smiles of their own. James could only imagine that this picture was one of the last that Teddy was able to take with his parents before their deaths.

“You look like him,” James noted. “Your father I mean.”

Teddy’s hand was rubbing James’ back slowly, following his spine up to his neck where he scratched at the back of his neck and rubbed his fingers into his hair. “Thank you.”

“You’re both super handsome.” Teddy snorted, and James smiled softly. “I take after my mum’s side of the family. My hair is pretty dark, thanks to my father, but it’s red enough to compare to my mum and my little sister. I have my mum’s eyes. Dad says that.”

“I love your eyes,” Teddy said, and James hummed in appreciation.

He stayed where he was, curled up on the couch pressed right against Teddy. He pressed his face into Teddy’s neck as he located his father’s number, saved professionally under “Mister H. Potter”. He went through a silent moment of uneasy contemplation before hitting the green call button.

James hoped his father wouldn’t be too upset when he cancelled. Usually James would spend the entire day at Potter Pharmaceuticals while Teddy was with his psychiatrist and taking care of some errands. Harry seemed to enjoy spending time with James, teaching him the bones of their company, introducing him to the employees and showing him files and paperwork. James honestly enjoyed it as much as Harry did. Spending one on one time with his father was never something that came easy when James was younger, so he was happy to use learning the ropes of the enterprise for when he took over as an excuse to be with Harry.

Teddy turned down the television volume when James put the phone to his ear, keeping an arm securely wrapped around James as he waited for Harry to answer. The other line clicked in a sign that Harry had answered the phone.

“Hey dad.”

“James.”

James barely registered the tone of Harry’s voice as he turned his head so his voice wasn’t muffled against Teddy’s neck. “I know it’s probably early for this, but I wanted to call and tell you I wasn’t coming in today. I’m not feeling well, sort of just want to lay in bed or on the couch or something.” He paused, and when Harry didn’t answer immediately he added, “I don’t want to leave the house.”

“And of course it has nothing to do with your current relationship with your bodyguard, or the fact you’re using his phone?”

James furrowed his brow, leaning away from Teddy. “I… had to give my phone to Scotland Yard for something. To track an email.”

“I’m sure.”

“What?”

“We need to discuss something.”

“Okay, can we do it over the phone? I really don’t want to leave my place today.” He looked at Teddy, who shook his head. “Actually it’s probably better if I stay home anyway considering _ — _ ”

“Fine, I’ll come there.”

“Wait, what?”

“Are you dressed or still in bed?”

“I’m wearing designer sweats and a white Louis Vuittan v neck, what does it matter?”

“Fine.”

“Wait a minute, dad, what _ — _ ” James snapped his mouth shut when he heard a knock at the door, looking at Teddy with matching looks of confusion as Teddy got up off the couch and walked over to the front door.

He pulled it open to show Harry standing at the threshold with his cellphone in hand, looking none too pleased. In fact, he wore a look of disappointment and borderline disgust, not sparing Teddy even a glance as he stepped inside. He hung up and put his phone in his coat as James stood up, gaping at him.

“What’s going on? Were you already on your way here when I called?”

“Yes,” Harry answered, stopping near the couch. “We need to talk. Privately.” He turned to look at Teddy, who tensed up, one hand still on the doorknob as he glanced over at James.

“Yeah.” James nodded, meeting Teddy’s anxious gaze and fully understanding it, because he trusted Harry, but he still didn’t want to be without Teddy. “It’s early, but you could do your run now?”

Teddy nodded slowly, eyeing Harry, who seemed to be blatantly ignoring him. “Sure. I’ll be back in a bit.” He looked back at James as he took his leather jacket from the coat rack, pulling it on and opening the door so he could back out of the house. He glanced at Harry as he shut the door, leaving the two Potters in an awkward silence that stretched on for a long time before James shrugged his arms.

He threw Teddy’s phone onto the couch. “So what do we need to talk about? Did something happen?” 

Harry sighed, beginning to pace as he lifted a hand to push his glasses up, rubbing his eyes. “James, I asked you to do one thing. I asked you to lay low, to stay out of trouble. I asked you to do one simple thing.” He held his hand out, looking at James in exasperation. “Maybe if you’d waited for just a few months, waited until the police had found out who was following you before  _ actively  _ hitting on Lupin.”

James felt his face burn, lips parting. “What are you talking about? I never _ — _ ”

“I’m not as clueless as you may think I am.” Harry stopped pacing to look directly at his son. “The way you look at the man, brighten up when he walks in the room, you make it pretty obvious that you’re interested in him. I was going to ignore it.” He lifted both hands as if to emphasize his point. “I figured Edward was a man of his word, that he would focus more on the job itself, protecting you, than anything else. Evidently I was wrong.”

James flexed his hands at his sides before folding his arms so he could hide his fidgeting fingers, glaring at his father. “I don’t know what you’re so mad about right now, and I don’t know what gives you the idea that anything is happening aside from the fact I’m being stalked. You’re the one who wanted to get me a bodyguard in the first place!”

“That’s my point. You’ve been getting stalked, so somehow in my mind I assumed that would be more important than shacking up with every attractive bloke you laid your eyes on.”

“Despite what you may think, dad, I’m not a bloody tramp!”

“James this is serious!” Harry held his arm out, motioning to the door. “This man is dangerous, and you’re more focused on getting off than staying safe!”

“That’s not true at all! Why do you think I don’t want to go anywhere today?!”

“Because of this!” Harry yanked his phone from his coat to show James the screen, where a familiar picture lit up. One of James and Teddy kissing in front of the door. The same picture that James had received in an email that morning.

He felt a head rush that almost made him pass out standing up. His hands clung to his shirt under his arms as he bent forward like he wanted to see the picture better, though it was really just an attempt to alleviate the wave of nausea.

When he spoke, his voice was weak. “Where did you get that picture?”

“Someone emailed it to me.”

“And you think it was paparazzi or someone from the newspaper?” James asked, his voice shaking. Harry’s brow drew together.  _ “He _ took that picture! He emailed it to me too! That’s why I didn’t want to leave the house today!”

“James _ — _ ”

“You’re really more interested in me making out with my bodyguard than the fact my fucking stalker is the one who took that picture and emailed it to both of us?!”

Harry looked frantic. “I didn’t think of that.”

“No, you didn’t! How do you think I feel about this, huh? What does it matter what I do with Teddy so long as he keeps people like the man who took that picture from doing anything to me? Wasn’t that the entire point of hiring him?!”

“I had him sign a contract saying he wouldn’t—”

“He told me,” James said breathlessly. “If you’d just waited for a few hours, Teddy was going to quit.”

Harry looked startled at the revelation, dropping his arm to his side. “Quit?”

James sighed, exhausted. “He wanted to quit as my bodyguard and just… stay as is.”

“As is.” Harry repeated, looking confused.

“He wanted to get off the payroll so you wouldn’t assume he was with me for the money.”

Harry shook his head. “So he’s going to burn the contract and move in with you as your lover, is that it?”

“Essentially?” James nodded. “What’s wrong with it? I like him, dad, and not as a bodyguard. You don’t even have to hire anyone after him! If he’s still with me, I still have someone looking after me while my stalker is still out there.”

Harry lifted a hand to rub his eyes, shaking his head again. “James.”

“You can’t see anything wrong with it, can you?” James asked. “Dad, just… give us a chance. Please?”

“What are we supposed to do about this, then?” Harry asked, holding his phone up again.

“Teddy already sent my phone to the Scotland Yard Commissioner to track the IP address. That’s the whole reason I’m staying inside, until it blows over.”

Harry sighed, putting his phone away. “I just wanted you to focus on something other than a relationship for once. Especially considering the situation you’re already in.”

“I _ tried. _ I couldn’t help it! Not that it means much, but he’s a really good person. He takes this job seriously, and he cares about me as a person rather than a paycheck. That was the point of him quitting. To prove he doesn’t care about the paycheck.”

“That’s noble of him,” Harry grumbled, looking and sounding partly disappointed at the fact Teddy had legitimate morals.

James didn’t know how to feel about that, aside from tired. “So are you done yelling at me?” he asked, and Harry cringed, like he was suddenly starting to realize how unnecessary his anger was. How absurd it had been to drive over and scold James over his relationship with Teddy. “He makes me feel safe, dad.”

“Alright,” Harry said quickly, looking guilty and apologetic. “I understand. I’ll… talk to Teddy, and Mister Shackelbolt. Just stay inside.”

James felt uneasy at the order, looking at the couch where he’d tossed Teddy’s phone. “I still have Teddy’s cellphone, and he normally runs the long way.”

“Fine.” Harry turned. “Keep the door locked until he gets back. I’ll find him on his route.”

“What are you going to do?” James asked anxiously. Harry sighed, stopping at the door.

“Fire him, I suppose.” He looked back at James. “I’ll support you with him, but I’m still skeptical. Until this thing with your stalker blows over, I don’t want it publicized. To secure your safety. Do what you want with Lupin in your relationship, but keep it in the house until that man is in jail. Alright? Can you do that much?”

James gaped at Harry, nodding eagerly. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“That means no more kissing outside, even if it’s night time.”

“Yup.” James gave a thumbs up to confirm he understood the order, and Harry turned to the door again.

“Stay inside, keep the door locked. I’m going back to the office. I’ll send Teddy back here when I find him on his route and fire him.”

James folded his arms again, arching an eyebrow. “You sound a little too excited about firing him.”

“It does give me a little bit of joy, I admit.”

“What if he quits first?” James asked, and Harry sighed.

“It would ruin my day.”

James gave a short laugh, waiting for Harry to leave before letting the smile fall. He sighed as he dropped onto the couch, covering his face with his hands and groaning. In all honesty that had gone well. Harry had accepted the relationship faster than James expected, but he felt like he’d just been through the wars with how tired he was from the argument.

Part of James felt like the conversation wasn’t even over yet. Harry would be back with more concerns and complaints, attempting to split them up after the fact, but James was too tired to care. All he wanted was for Teddy to get back so they could waste the day away on the couch until someone from Scotland Yard called to inform him that his stalker had been caught and was now in prison forever.

A knock came from the door for the second time that day, and James dragged his hands up, shoving them into his hair and groaning. He sat up and got off the couch, shuffling over to the door to check through the peephole. If it was Teddy he would just walk in. James thought it might be Harry again, but standing outside was Fenrir Greyback, dressed for work and holding a file in one hand.

James pressed his forehead against the door with a sigh, preparing himself for lecture on how he messed up on his university work before opening the door and giving the man a crooked smile. “Professor, I didn’t know you made house calls.”

“Mister Potter,” Greyback greeted before holding out the file. “I thought I’d bring you this in person, and also apologize for the last grade I gave you on it.” James took the file and opened it to look over the report he’d turned in last. “The context was good and the language was understandable. It’s good your friend had me look over it again so I could give you a more accurate grade.”

“Yeah, thanks,” James said with an exhale. “This is actually really nice. Today didn’t start off so great.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad I could make life a little better.” Greyback was quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

James looked up, the relief over his good grade overpowered by the confusion at his teacher’s question. “Uh, no thanks. It’s nothing.” He looked back down at the file, not caring that Greyback was still standing there. He was more focused on his graded work.

“Did you have a fight with your boyfriend?”

James shook his head without thinking. “Nah, we don’t fight much.” He blinked, frowning and looking up at his professor, who was staring at him with a completely blank expression. “Uh, I’m sorry, I don’t _ — _ ”

“So he isn’t just a friend, then?”

James closed the file, sighing. “Yeah, okay, but I don’t see how that’s my Professor’s business. No offense.”

“You don’t see how it’s my business?” Greyback asked, and something in his eyes seemed to flicker a sickening yellow. Maybe it was the light, but the man suddenly looked different; sinister.

The lines in his face were deeper, the shadows under his eyes were darker, and his brown eyes had a tinge of yellow that faded into the whites like he was a tobacco smoker. It was then that James realized how uncomfortable he felt. He recalled what Teddy had said about his stalker likely being someone he knew, and had known for a while. Someone who knew his schedule well enough to notice when he was at school or not. Someone like his University language Professor.

James continued to stare at Greyback, keeping eye contact and afraid to look away. He swallowed the lump in his throat and held the file in one hand as he reached out for the doorknob. “Well, I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” He said. “I have to go now. Have a good day.”

He backed up, jumping when Greyback reached his arm out to stop him, slamming his hand against the door. “I know he’s not in there. I saw him leave.”

James nearly gave an involuntary sound of fear, yanking at the door but unable to close it. “I… I don’t _ — _ ”

“I saw your father leave, too.”

“I’m _ — _ ”

“I’ve been waiting for a chance to talk to you, and I’m not going to lose it.”

“Professor _ — _ ”

“We’re going to have a nice chat, James.” He reached out, grabbing James by the wrist and forcing him to drop the file, which fell open and spilled papers over the threshold.

James clung to the doorknob and tried to kick at Greyback, who surged forward and grabbed James around the shoulders. The older man hauled him into the house, covering his mouth with a hand and kicking the door shut behind him.

James scratched at his arms, trying to scream through the hand over his mouth. He dug his nails into Greyback’s skin, tearing at him until Greyback let go. The man pulled his arm in and backhanded James. Iron washed over his tongue as his vision went white, tripping over his feet and falling into his coffee table. The glass shattered beneath him, and a burning, stinging sensation spread across his back and shoulders. The sudden pain made him gasp breathlessly, crying out when Greyback dropped over him, fisting his shirt at his shoulders and leering down at him with wild eyes.

“I spent months watching you, James, admiring you. You’re from a good family, and you're intelligent, kind, but I knew you would never be interested in me in this lifetime. I’m too old.”

“No, you’re just insane!” James shrilled, but it didn’t seem like Greyback had heard.

“I wasn’t good enough, despite the letters I wrote you, and the calls. I put my soul, my heart into everything I sent you, but it wasn’t enough for you.” He pushed James into the shattered table, making him grunt and pinch his eyes shut.

There was pain, but it seemed subdued from the adrenaline and panic. “Let go of me.” James hissed, peeling his eyes open. “You’ll get fired for this.”

“I fought for this job,” Greyback snapped, shaking James. “The son of a bitch who taught before me and his bitch of a wife had to die for me to get this job! I hated that man, that know-it-all prick, and now his son? His worthless bloody son is the one you’ve been shacking up with?! Why couldn’t he have died too?!”

“Don’t talk about Teddy like that!” James screamed into Greyback’s face, shoving against his chest. He dug his nails into the man’s face. “Get off!”

“Not this time,” Greyback sneered, lifting James up so their faces were inches apart. “I’m done waiting for you. It’s my turn.”

James flicked his eyes to where Teddy’s phone was on the couch before glaring at Greyback. “You kept saying you loved me in your letters, but you don’t hurt the people you love.”

“I don’t love you, James,” Greyback snarled, pressing his forehead to James’. “I desire you, and that is far easier to deal with than love.”

James struggled to get a good breath in, swallowing down the panic and trying to look as confident and unafraid as possible. “What are you going to do, then? Beat me? Assault me? Kill me? Do you really think you can get away with this? Teddy will be back soon, you have no time. If you do anything else to me, he’ll make you regret it.”

Greyback laughed in his face, one hand grabbing the fringe of James’ hair and using the leverage to slam his face into the glass spread across the carpet. “I’m  _ so  _ scared, but it’s alright.” He leaned down, his nose brushing against James’ cheek. “You’ll protect me.”

“Don’t count on it,” James ground out, and Greyback moved his hand to James’ throat.

“Well then, you can be just as scared as me. Oh, and you don’t have to worry about Lupin. I can still do plenty before he gets here, and don’t count on me leaving as soon as he gets through the door. No, I’ve waited too long for this. I don’t care if I have to break his stupid neck. I’m going to do exactly what I’ve always wanted to do to you, and no one is going to stop me.”

“I will,” James snarled, and Greyback laughed again.

“How cute. You think you’re strong enough to stop me. I’m looking forward to proving you wrong.”


	13. i thank the oceans for giving me you (you saved me once and now i’ll save you too)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

Teddy stood at the end of the neighborhood, stretching one arm across his chest and shifting from one foot to the other. Sweat stuck to his forehead after well and truly running as hard as he possibly could. By then he wanted to finish his route and go back to the house to be with James. He wanted to get there before Harry left so they could discuss him quitting.

He was rubbing his neck, rolling his left shoulder when a car drove up on his right. He was startled when the window rolled down to reveal Harry in the driver's seat. He kept his right hand on the steering wheel as he leaned his left arm against the door, giving Teddy a pointed look.

“Mr. Potter?” Teddy greeted in confusion, looking back down the road towards James’ place. “Did you leave Jamie on his own?”

“He’s fine, I told him to lock the door.”

“Oh. Good.” Teddy rubbed his neck. “Actually, I was hoping I could discuss something with you?”

“No need.” Harry waved his hand and looked away. “You’re fired.”

Teddy stared at him blankly, completely taken by surprise. He shook his head to clear it before speaking. “I’m fired?”

“That’s what I said,” Harry clarified. “I at least wanted the last word in this, firing you before you could quit.”

Teddy’s eyes widened, his cheeks warming as his shoulders sagged. He sighed. “I’m sorry. I know I promised you my focus would be on protecting James, I even signed a contract, but _ — _ ”

“I suppose I can’t get angry, can I?” Harry interrupted, his elbow propped against the door and his cheek against his fist. He stared out the front windshield. “Maybe I should consider it a compliment that my son is so lovable; and infuriating.” He sighed, rubbing his face. “I don’t know what I was thinking, adding that condition. I should have known putting the idea into either of your heads would have just led you right to each other.”

“Breaking the contract was the last thing I intended to do. I didn’t mean to sign something saying I wouldn’t start any form of romance with James only to do exactly that.”

“Well,” Harry sighed, “to be fair to you, that part wasn’t written on the contract itself. It was more like a verbal agreement that you wouldn’t start a relationship with him. I suppose you can call it a loophole. You didn’t exactly break anything in the contract.”

Teddy had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, though he did feel the inexplicable desire to laugh hysterically. “This means you’re not mad at me?”

“Oh no I am,” Harry dropped his hand, “but I also figure there are more important things to be mad about. Like the fact some self important prick has been stalking my son. I think I’d much rather have him be in a secure relationship with you than single and vulnerable. You’re a good bodyguard. James may as well tie you down now so you can’t leave.”

Teddy squinted. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

“I’m not,” Harry promised. “If you want to be with my son, then you’re going to be with my son.” He gave Teddy a smile. “Good luck.” The smile faded as he looked away, putting his car in gear with a sigh. “I know I’m bossy, but I just worry about him. Take care of him. Whether you’re his bodyguard or not, if you care about him, please just keep him safe.”

Teddy stepped up to the car. “I will. I’m sorry that this happened, but I’m not sorry it was him. I’ll take care of him.”

Harry nodded. “Go home then,” he said. “Let me know what happens with the email, and don’t worry about coming by today. If James feels safer at home, let him stay home.”

“That was the plan,” Teddy promised with a smile, stepping away from the car and shoving his hands into his pockets as he watched Harry drive off.

He stayed standing where he was until Harry had disappeared. Then took a slow breath in and laughed. That was why he’d stopped by, to talk to James about Teddy. Teddy was a little surprised Harry knew about the email, but figured James must have told him. It was better than Teddy having to explain the situation. Harry would have found out eventually, so it was fine.

A rush of relief fell over Teddy, who turned and began jogging back towards the house. If Harry already knew everything, then he had no reason to hide the way he felt and why. It was almost amusing that Harry fired him before he could quit, but they could joke about that later, when everything was done and that man was behind bars. Teddy couldn’t wait for that to happen.

Even when he was caught it wouldn’t end immediately. James would have to testify against the man in court, and he really didn’t deserve the added strain to his psyche. Teddy wanted the stalker in prison forever, not just ten yards away courtesy of a restraining order. 

Actually, Teddy wanted to sock him in the jaw, but he would settle for prison.

Teddy paused when he reached the front door, one hand on the doorknob. His eyes caught on the loose white papers spread out across the welcome mat. Those definitely hadn’t been there when Teddy had left. He crouched down to look at them. A few were stuck underneath the door jam. It didn’t take long for Teddy to recognize that the papers were all James’ assignments from Fenrir Greyback’s class.

Anyone with a basic level of intelligence would have been suspicious, and Teddy was all the more panicked thanks to his years as a detective. He didn’t hesitate to throw the door open and grab the first thing he saw to use as a weapon; the coat rack. He found Fenrir Greyback just beyond the couch.

James was lying on his back in a heap of broken glass from the coffee table. Greyback was crouched above him, holding him by the front of his hair and shirt. There was blood streaking down the left side of James’ face from his temple, where his hair was glued against his forehead. His teeth were grit and his eyes squinted, though they widened when the door opened and lit up when he saw Teddy.

“Ted!”

Greyback dropped James in shock, spinning around to Teddy. Teddy bristled and started forward without a word, dragging the coat rack behind him.

“You!” Greyback snarled as he got to his feet to meet Teddy. He grabbed the coat rack that Teddy barreled into him with. “Don’t think I wasn’t ready for you!”

James kicked himself away frantically. His face was in a tight grimace as his hands scrabbled for a grip on the floor. Glass clinked together as he managed to push himself back, visibly shaking. Teddy shoved against Greyback with the coat rack, pushing all his weight into it. He slammed his heel into the man’s shin, dragging a yelp out of him.

Greyback tripped backwards, reaching out a flailing hand to grab Teddy. They slammed into the floor together, but Teddy had been through worse and fought against stronger criminals. Beating a man twice his age into submission would be effortless; or so he hoped. They fumbled around on the floor for a while, wrestling with the coat rack. Teddy struggled to get Greyback on the floor so he could press the pole of the rack against his throat.

Teddy lifted his head to look at James. “Get my phone, call Kingsley!”

James nodded, getting to his knees and crawling over to the couch. Teddy watched him, Greyback pinned for the time being. The old man punched at Teddy and scratched at the floor frantically, until all his fighting stopped and his body went slack. For half a moment Teddy thought he’d passed out, so he turned his head to look down at Greyback.

Their eyes met, and Teddy recognized the pure resentment and hate in Greyback’s eyes. Something jammed against Teddy’s side, pulling a grunt from his throat.

Teddy didn’t know what happened. At first he assumed Greyback had punched him, but he suddenly lost the strength in his arms. Pressure built in his side and coiled like a cramp that made him choke. It was painful, but not at the same time. Greyback was able to throw him off, tossing the coat rack aside as Teddy hit the floor on his back.

Teddy coughed hard and reached for his side. His fingers hit something cold and sharp, cringing as he pushed himself to his elbow and looked down. There was a shard of glass stabbed between his ribs. A bit of blood was staining his shirt, smeared over the glass, but for the moment the object was keeping him from bleeding out.

James gasped from the couch, shrieking. “Teddy!”

Teddy just waved an arm at him. “Stay there! Call Kingsley!”

Greyback got to his feet, panting. He bore down on Teddy, who simply glared at him. “I said I’d take care of you and I will.” He paused above Teddy. “With you out of the way, James and I can be together.”

“I’m actually a little concerned for your mental wellbeing at this point, because you’re bloody mad,” Teddy snapped, pushing himself into his hands. He winced and coughed. “Even if you kill me, there’s no future for you after this. There’s nowhere you can run that people won’t be able to find you eventually.”

“You don’t know that,” Greyback snarled, and Teddy scoffed.

“I do actually. I worked at Scotland Yard. I know how these things work. It’s over for you.”

Greyback seemed to gain some clarity of the situation, his eyes going wide in shock. He looked down at the blood on his hands, curling them into fists and glaring at Teddy. “Fine, but I won’t be going alone.” He picked up the coat rack, clinging to it and sneering at Teddy. “I’ll take you both with me. Get you out of the way first, so you can’t stop me from doing what I want with Potter.”

Teddy could feel his heart drumming in his chest, anger filtering through him at the implication that statement held. He tried to get up, but though he couldn’t feel any pain in his side, there was no strength in his limbs. He choked on his breath as Greyback held the coat rack up. Teddy lifted his hands as Greyback screamed and swung it forward, but the object didn’t get close enough to hurt him.

James scrambled to his feet, lifting a broken plank of wood that had originally framed the glass of the coffee table. He swung it at Greyback, hitting him in the face and throwing him off balance.

He hit the floor with a grunt. James grabbed the coat rack and cracked it over Greyback’s head, so hard that the wooden pole snapped. The older man flopped onto his face without a sound and didn’t move. James was frozen in place with wide eyes for a moment, as if realizing what he’d done. He dropped the coat rack but didn’t move.

Teddy gaped at Greyback, breathing heavily and shaking his head before looking up at James. “Jamie.”

James turned, tears on his face. He moved to Teddy’s side and dropped to his knees. “Teddy I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, Jamie, I’m okay, I can’t even feel it.” Teddy reached up to hold the side of James’ face, rubbing at the tears on his cheek. “Get my phone, I’ll call Kingsley, it’s going to be okay.”

“You need a doctor.”

“Then call an ambulance. Just listen. I’m going to be fine.”

“You got stabbed!” James shrilled, hands trembling above the shard of glass stuck in Teddy’s side but making no move to touch it.

“I know, but this isn’t a television drama. I’m going to be fine.” Teddy said it with confidence, but he could feel his mind growing foggy from shock. He reached out to cling onto James’ fingers. “Listen to me closely. Call an ambulance, stay calm. Once they’re on their way, call Kingsley. Alright? I’m not going to be able to talk you through this.”

James looked panicked. “Why?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m going into shock,” Teddy laughed. “Just call an ambulance. Everything is going to be fine.”

James nodded his head, fumbling as he picked up the phone. He struggled to dial the emergency number, his fingers slipping against the screen because of the blood on his hands. He trembled furiously as he held the phone to his ear, taking deep breaths in an attempt to keep himself calm. Teddy closed his eyes when James started talking through the receiver, his mind going blank for a moment as he fought to stay awake, one hand pressed to his side.

“He’s going into shock, what should I do?” James was asking, his voice shaky as he reached a hand out to Teddy’s shoulder. “Okay. Teddy, come here.” James put the phone on speaker and set it back on the couch. He took Teddy’s shoulders with his hands and led him onto his back. “You have to lie down, okay?”

Teddy grunted as pain shot through his side. He thought he’d much rather stay sitting up hunched over so the glass wouldn’t move around, but he didn’t argue as James helped him to lie down. Teddy couldn’t understand James when he was on the phone. His voice came out as a blur that cleared up into something more articulate when James focused directly on Teddy. When Teddy could see his lips.

James suddenly disappeared from his side and Teddy began to panic. He struggled to sit up, looking over at where Greyback was lying. He was unconscious on the floor, but Teddy still felt anxious.

“Teddy, lay down.” James chided when he came back. He was carrying an armful of bath towels and knelt beside Teddy.

He used one of the towels as a bandage, wrapping it around the glass to keep it from moving around. He put just enough pressure against it to keep the wound from bleeding in any significant way. The glass itself seemed to be keeping the wound from bleeding, but the added support of the towels was appreciated.

“There’s an ambulance coming,” James assured. “You can’t move around too much. Stay as still as you can. I’m not going anywhere.” He grabbed the blanket hanging over the back of the couch, dragging it off and draping it over Teddy. “I’m supposed to keep you still and warm, okay?” He tucked the blanket around Teddy, framing his face with his hands and leaning over him to press their foreheads together. “You’re going to be fine, soon as the ambulance comes. Can you still hear me?”

Teddy nodded, moving one arm to reach out from under the blanket, taking James’ hand in his. “Are you okay?”

James laughed weakly, nodding and rubbing at his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

“He didn’t do anything,” James reassured. “You got here just seconds after him. He threw me into the table, which hurt, but I tried to stall him by talking.”

“You did a good job,” Teddy praised.

James smiled weakly, leaning closer and kissing Teddy. He rubbed his cheek with a thumb, brushing their noses together. “I didn’t want him to hurt you,” he said softly.

Teddy slowly shook his head. “I’ve been through worse, Jamie. I’ll be okay.”

James laughed weakly, kissing him again. “Thank you,” he smiled, tears in his eyes. “For everything. You saved my life. I love you.”

Teddy just nodded in agreement and understanding, though he certainly had no idea what was going on or what had been confessed. His mind was foggy. All he could focus on was the color of James’ eyes. He recognized the sirens when he heard them, and panic jolted through him.

He reached up to grab onto James, leaning up. “Bomb!”

“No, no, Teddy, it’s okay! There’s no bomb! That was two years ago!” He stroked a hand through Teddy’s hair, trying to calm him down. “You’re okay, you’re safe.”

“The bus _ — _ ”

“I know, but it’s okay. There’s no bomb, everyone is safe. That’s a police cruiser. They put the siren on so they could get here faster. It’s just the police.”

James cradled Teddy’s head, stroking his cheek and soothing him with quiet words. Teddy shut his eyes for a moment. He opened them when he felt a new hand on his shoulder to see a bright light flash in both eyes. He squeezed James’ hand to keep him where he was, desperately clinging to the fact that James was okay and still beside him. He was losing consciousness quickly, and each moment seemed foggier than the last. He couldn’t feel his side anymore, but he could still feel James’ hand. That’s what he focused on.

He could feel James’ hand through the uncomfortable chill that was barely held at bay with the blankets they put on him in the ambulance. A chill made a hundred times worse when they hooked him up to an IV that had his entire arm from his wrist to his shoulder going ice cold.

He was a little surprised that they’d allowed James to get on the ambulance with him, but he didn’t mind. He was happy about it, and when he heard someone in the distance say he could rest, he let his eyes roll closed. With James stroking his fingers through Teddy’s hair, holding one of his hands securely in his own, urged Teddy to black out almost instantly.


	14. all along all i needed was you (so i swear i’m not scared when it’s over)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV

James had a scattering of mundane cuts covering his back and shoulders. The gash torn into his temple, just beneath his hairline, was more severe and had to be sutured closed. He was extremely lucky. Lying in the hospital bed was uncomfortable with the stitches and bandages on his back, so the moment the nurses and doctors left the room, he stood up and began to pace.

No one would tell him what was going on with Teddy. It left James frantic with worry, wrapping his arms around himself, rubbing his eyes, or running his hands through his hair. He struggled to stay calm. He did not like being alone in a hospital room with no clue as to what his lover’s condition was.

James held out his hands to stare at them. Though the blood had been washed off, he could still feel the weight and heat of it. He still felt the devastation of knowing it belonged to someone he cared about. His fingers curled loosely towards his palms and he dug the heels of both wrists into his eyes. He took slow, calculated breaths, overthinking the pathetic way he’d held Teddy in his arms and told him he loved him.

James didn’t regret saying it. If anything he was afraid he may never get the chance to say it again. His head was spinning and his stomach was doing flips. He felt ready to collapse and throw up what little he’d eaten that day. He wasn’t sure if it was from the drugs, the pain, or the terror still crawling beneath his skin. Left over from a man he thought he could trust beating him against shattered glass.

He was so on edge that he jumped and staggered when the door opened. Albus was standing just inside the room with a nurse. He made an immediate beeline for James, who choked on his tongue.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

Albus scoffed. “I was the closest to the hospital. They called dad, dad called mum, mum called me. I don’t think anyone else knows you're here yet.”

James turned to face Albus. “Good. I just _ — _ I fell in the living room _ — _ ”

“I’m not stupid, James. Dad’s got a whole file on what’s been happening with you, and he’s really easy to trick out of the office.”

James felt like he may throw up. “You know what’s going on?”

Albus sighed. He looked uncomfortable for a moment before stepping closer and wrapping his arms around James. “It’s fine now.”

“What are you doing?” James asked, hands lifted but not touching his brother.

Albus wasn’t an openly affectionate or touchy-feely person. He didn’t hug people, he certainly didn’t hug James. To be the one who initiated the embrace showed that yes, Albus knew what was going on. In fact he probably knew it had been going on for a while. Sneaking into Harry’s office to read his files simply because he was suspicious was definitely something Albus would do.

James wrapped his arms around Albus, clinging loosely to the back of his shirt and tucking his chin against his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” his voice was scratchy.

Albus sighed again. “Despite what you may think, you’re not required to be all powerful or indestructible. You’re allowed to lean on us now and then. It’s what we’re here for. Lily too, not just me. You’ve got siblings for a reason. Rely on us for once.”

James pinched his eyes closed, turning his face against Albus’ shoulder and hugging him tightly. He let himself tremble as the nurse came further into the room.

“Mr. Potter I must insist you get back in bed. Please. Be careful with his back.” The second comment she directed to Albus, who pulled away.

He kept one arm wrapped around James’ waist and walked him back to the bed.

“Is Teddy okay?” James asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

The nurse wasn’t looking at him as she came up to James’ right, holding a small glass bottle of clear liquid. “Mr. Lupin is still unconscious. I’m going to hook you back up to some fluids and give you something stronger for the pain. It may make you tired.”

“I don’t want to sleep.” James argued, holding his arm away from the nurse to keep her away from the IV already hooked into his arm. She looked increasingly frustrated at James’ lack of cooperation.

“Dad’s gonna be here in a bit,” Albus informed, keeping a hand on James’ shoulder. “Either get it now of your own accord or have him nag you into it later.”

James groaned and held his arm out for the nurse. He winced as he laid himself against the pile of pillows that had been set up for him, to make lying down easier.

“How bad is his back?” Albus asked. James opened his eyes to look between his brother and the nurse.

“He should be able to move normally in a week. Maybe sooner. His back isn’t bad, and most of the cuts will probably heal without scarring.” She gave Albus a small smile. “His head on the other hand may take longer, and will possibly leave a mark.”

“Does he have a concussion?”

“No. The glass cut him but he didn’t hit his head.”

“I could probably answer those questions,” James said with a pout. “I was there after all.” 

“Okay,” Albus glanced down at James. “What happened then?”

“My German Professor threw me into a table and shoved my face into the glass.” James said it in a completely disinterested tone, but Albus looked dumbstruck. The nurse winced, quickly turning away when she was done.

“That should start working in a bit. Try to get some sleep.”

James sat straighter. “But what about Teddy?”

The woman looked frustrated yet again, repeating what she’d said before. “He’s still unconscious.”

“But _ — _ ”

“I’ll send your family back when they get here.”

Albus nodded, squeezing James’ shoulder as if to reassure him. They watched the nurse leave before James sank back against the pillows. He clung to the blankets and stared across the room.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Albus asked.

James furrowed his brow. “He was trying to protect me.”

“Okay.” Albus nodded like that was all he needed to know. He sat down in the chair beside the bed, moving his hand to James’ wrist and squeezing it. “Close your eyes, okay? Try to relax. By the time you’re feeling better, he’ll probably be awake too.”

James wasn’t so sure. He gripped the blankets with tight fists. He winced at the memory of helping Teddy to his back, his eyes unfocused and his face leeching of color until he was pale white. He wanted Teddy to be okay, but what if there were complications? Teddy already had so much scar tissue around where he’d been stabbed. Would that affect his healing? Would it make stitching him up harder? 

He turned his head when the door opened again. At first he legitimately thought it was Teddy. It was a gut wrenching disappointment when his mother and father walked in. He shut his eyes in a silent sign of protest and pulled the blankets over his head.

“Jamie,” his mother chided him with a soft voice, but he just grumbled.

“I’m tired.”

“The nurse gave him some medicine that’s supposed to put him out,” Albus explained. “The doctor will probably be here soon to tell us what his condition is.”

“Fine,” Harry said. His voice was rough, and James could imagine how terrible he must look and feel.

James had been attacked moments after Harry left, but he was too lost in his own guilt to care about his father’s. He somehow managed to fall into a state between sleep and consciousness. He was too restless to actually sleep, but his mind seemed to be willing to allow him a moment of calm dissociation.

He let his mind wander to thoughts of Teddy. Lying in bed turned towards each other, memorizing Teddy’s face as they talked about everything under the sun and shared their laughter. James struggled to remember the sensation of Teddy’s hand on his face, fingers in his hair, lips on his mouth. He didn’t know what it was, but somehow the hovering possibility of losing Teddy like this made him all the more desperate to be with him. Seeing him bleeding from the stomach made James snap. The only reason he didn’t continue beating Greyback over the head was because he didn’t want to be away from Teddy for too long.

The fear of it all forced James to an understanding that probably would have taken weeks or even months to have realized otherwise.

Lily was in the room when James woke up next. He felt disoriented and foggy, rolling his head on the pillow. Somewhere between giving his parents the cold shoulder and now, he must have blacked out completely. That was unexpected and a little annoying, but James decided not to dwell on it as he lifted a hand to rub his eyes so he could see better.

“James!” Lily’s voice was at his side immediately. James pulled his hand away to look up at her. “Are you feeling any better? How’s your head?”

James focused on the question, lifting his hand back up to touch the bandage on his head. “I can’t feel it.”

“That’s better than the alternative,” an unfamiliar voice noted. James turned his head to see a man standing at the foot of his bed with Harry.

James recognized him from pictures. He sat straight up in bed, interrupting the man before he could introduce himself. “Is Teddy okay?”

Kingsley looked amused at the question. Harry rolled his eyes and Lily tilted her head.

She looked across the bed where Albus was still sitting. “Who’s Teddy?”

“That’s Jamie’s bodyguard.”

“Not anymore,” Harry reminded.

James leaned forward. “Is he okay? Has he woken up yet?”

“Not yet,” Kingsley answered. James sank back into the pillows in disappointment. “He’ll be alright, though. Nothing vital was struck, and he didn’t lose much blood. The pain and shock is what got to him. He’ll be awake and on his feet in no time. He’s been through worse.”

“I’m sorry,” James apologized, staring at the blankets. “What about Greyback?”

“He was taken to a different hospital and is currently under police watch,” Kingsley explained. “He’s being treated for skull fractures, a concussion, and contusions to his scalp. He also had a broken nose and a few teeth busted out.”

“Holy shit, your bodyguard went ham on the dude,” Lily said.

James blushed. “A-actually that was me.” He wasn’t expecting the blank looks he received at that, blushing deeper in embarrassment as he clung tighter to the blankets. “I mean I’m the one who hit him. Twice.”

Kingsley looked like he was about to start laughing, but Harry looked exasperated. “James.”

“What, you wanted me to let him kill Teddy?!”

“How’d you get him?” Albus asked, looking a little too curious. 

“I hit him in the face with part of my broken coffee table,” James answered, “then bashed him over the head with the coat rack.”

Kingsley barked a single, short laugh. He looked impressed. “Well done. Maybe the yard should hire you as our next entry level intern.”

Lily was the only one who laughed at the joke. Albus kept his elbow propped against the bed and his chin in his raised hand as James pulled the blankets higher. If Teddy was still unconscious, James didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore.

“We’re still investigating Greyback,” Kingsley said. “He’ll be in intensive care for a while yet, but he’ll be under constant surveillance. I’ve even ordered the doctors to keep him secured to the bed so he can’t get up on his own. We’re not taking any chances.”

“You don’t think locking him to a bed is a bit much?” Harry asked. Kingsley motioned towards James without saying a single word.

Albus sat straighter, lifting his head away from his hand. “I like this guy, dad.”

“Can I please be alone right now?” James asked.

Harry gave him a startled look, but Kingsley nodded.

“Of course. If you’re feeling unwell I can call for a nurse?”

“I’m just tired,” James argued. “I think I’d be able to rest better without people talking.”

“We can be quiet,” Harry argued.

“Can we?” Albus asked, earning himself a look of warning from Harry.

James laughed a little, lifting an arm when Lily stood up and hugged him. He patted her shoulder as she kissed his head. “Get some sleep, Jamie. I have practice soon so I can’t stay. You don’t mind?”

“No, of course not. Don’t stop living because of me.”

Lily held her hands up, curling them into fists. “I’m going to pretend that ball is the ass who put you in the hospital!”

“That’s nice.” James watched her jog over to hug their father before waving wildly at Albus in farewell.

“Alright,” Harry finally agreed in a hesitant voice. “We’ll leave. You need to rest anyway. We’ll be just outside if you need anything.”

“Don’t you have better things to do, dad?” James asked. Harry snorted, but Kingsley held an arm out.

“Actually, I do have more to discuss with you.” He glanced at James with something particular but unreadable in his eyes. Like he was trying to tell James something without using words, but James didn’t know the man well enough to interpret it. “If you don’t mind me stealing him.”

James felt baffled, but shook his head. “No, I don’t mind.”

“Yeah,” Harry sighed. “Yes, of course. You’ll be okay?”

James rolled his eyes. “I’ll be sleeping.”

“I have to call Scorpius,” Albus noted as Harry followed Kingsley towards the door. He reached out to squeeze James’ shoulder before walking around the bed. “Get some rest, or try to. We’ll be around.”

James settled back against the pillows when the door closed. While he’d originally wanted to get some rest, he suddenly couldn’t settle down. His hands fidgeted with the folds in the blankets. After a good amount of time had passed, James sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, being careful not to irritate his head. He sat up and pushed the blankets off, rubbing his hand over his arm. The nurse had removed the IV sometime during his nap, so he was happy he didn’t have to worry about that as he got up from the bed.

The tile was cold under his bare feet, so he pulled one of the blankets from the bed to wrap around himself. He then walked over to the door, which he opened as quietly as possible so he could peer out into the hallway. After ensuring that his family was nowhere in sight, he stepped into the hall, keeping the blanket secure with one hand as he started to pace down the hall until he caught sight of a nurse.

“Excuse me.” James waved his hand in a lame greeting as the man turned to look at him, startled. “Hi. By any chance do you know what room Edward Lupin is?”

“Lupin?” The nurse looked down at his clipboard. “Uh, it looks like he’s been moved from intensive care and to a new room.”

“Can you tell me which room?” James asked, and the nurse gave him an anxious look.

“You should be resting.”

James sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Look mate, I just had my back shredded and was nearly beaten into unconsciousness by my German Language professor. All I want to do is make sure my boyfriend is okay. I’ll rest when I know he’s okay, so please just give me his room number.”

The nurse hesitated, looking around. James got the feeling he was searching to make sure Harry wasn’t around before focusing back on James. “Alright. He’s only a hall away, so I suppose there’s no harm. I’ll bring you to see him.”

“You can leave me there too,” James said enthusiastically as he followed the nurse down the hall.

“I remember Mr. Lupin from when he was here a few years ago,” the nurse commented. “He was stuck in intensive care for a few weeks before they moved him out here. I’m glad it wasn’t as serious this time around.” He gave James a smile. “I’m also pleased he has someone waiting for him this time. Commissioner Shackelbolt was the only one who visited last time.”

James felt his heart seize in his chest, swallowing the knot in his throat and shaking his head to clear it. Honestly, he didn’t need any more reasons to want to look after Teddy. He was already sneaking around with a bad back just to lie with him and make sure he wouldn’t be alone when he woke up. James couldn’t even imagine how terrible that would be. To black out in the back of an ambulance only to wake up alone in a hospital room with nothing but the heart monitor for companionship.

Actually, that was probably what had happened after the bomb went off. It made James even more anxious to get to Teddy.

He didn’t bother looking at the room number when the nurse opened the door, motioning inside with his clipboard and allowing James to go first. His steps quickened when he recognized Teddy lying in the bed, hooked up to fluids and a heart monitor with the blankets tucked around him.

“I guess I could leave you with him,” the nurse said. “Just don’t tell anyone it was me, and don’t remove the IV or irritate his side.”

“I won’t. Thank you.”

The nurse gave a nod and shut the door. James took a deep breath and turned back to the bed. He walked the final few feet to be at Teddy's side, settling a hand over Teddy’s and reaching the other out to brush the faded blue and brown hair out of his face.

The unconscious man looked peaceful in sleep, though his face was a little too pale and his breathing seemed just slightly off. He didn’t look like he was uncomfortable and he wasn’t shifting around or crying in his sleep, so James took that as a positive.

James wasted no time before climbing onto the bed on Teddy’s right side, opposite the arm where the nurses had taped in the IV. He draped his blanket over Teddy before tucking himself under it as well. He reached out to check Teddy’s left side just to visually see the bandages that had been wrapped around him. Then he settled back down, curling around Teddy as much as he could and tucking his head against the side of Teddy’s neck. He shut his eyes and suddenly felt as tired as he claimed he’d been before.

When he woke up next, the window was dark, and the lights in the ceiling had been turned down to their lowest setting. Teddy was still unconscious. When James looked down he was shocked to see someone had brought in a few more blankets, draping them over the couple as they slept. James couldn’t figure out why, but he automatically assumed Kingsley had been the one to bring them.

It could have potentially been Harry—the last thing he would have allowed was for his son to go cold in the hospital _ — _ but it just seemed more plausible that it had been Kingsley. Or maybe James just wanted it to be Kingsley. He seemed like a pleasant man, judging by the tiny bit of interaction they’d had. Not to mention he was Teddy’s guardian, the one who raised him. James wanted the Commissioner to like and accept him.

James rubbed his cheek against Teddy’s shoulder. It wasn’t long before Teddy started to shift in bed. Roused from sleep by James, or because the drugs he’d been given were finally wearing off. It didn’t matter. James sat up, hovering over Teddy with a hand burying into his hair, stroking through it as Teddy gave a soft sigh. His eyes fluttered open and found James immediately.

“Good morning,” James greeted, and Teddy hummed, furrowing his brow.

“Morning?”

“Well, it’s actually dark out, so it’s probably night.”

“Oh.” Teddy stared at James for a moment, looking thoughtful. Something seemed to click into place and he reached up to brush his fingers over the bandage on James’ head. He spoke in a soft voice. “Oh, Jamie.”

“I’m alright,” James said quickly, reaching up to hold Teddy’s hand. “The doctor’s say my head is the worst, but it’ll heal up pretty quickly. They said my back isn’t that bad either.” He brightened up. “They even said you’d be okay!”

Teddy slowly lowered his hand, reaching towards his side to feel the bandages. Their eyes stayed locked together, and it allowed James to catch the slight grimace. Probably more from shock than pain. He reached out to fold his hand over Teddy’s on his side.

“Do you feel okay?”

Teddy closed his eyes and nodded. He took a breath and rubbed his side before shifting around in the bed. James felt like scolding him when he sat up. Instead he leaned forward to adjust the cot, propping it up so Teddy wouldn’t have to strain himself. He helped Teddy settle into the pillows behind him before collecting all the blankets, pulling them over Teddy. Teddy reached out to take one of James’ hands in his own.

“I’m tired and my head feels fuzzy from the drugs, but I don’t feel any pain.” He said. “Shouldn’t you be in your own room?”

James hummed, tilting his head and looking off to the side innocently. “Well I was for a minute, but I snuck out to find you when everyone finally left me alone.” Teddy looked ready to argue, so James shifted around on the bed to face Teddy. He clung to the man’s right hand with both of his own. “I just needed to see you,” he insisted. “Bloody hell, Ted, I was so scared.”

Teddy’s eyes widened at the crack in James’ voice. He used his grip on the other man’s hand to pull him closer, lifting his left hand to rub James’ shoulder and upper arm. Allowing him to keep a hold of his right hand. “James I’m so sorry. I am so sorry I didn’t get there sooner, and I’m sorry I let that man do this to you. God, I’m the worst.”

His eyes were watery, but James gaped at him. “What? No, you tosser, that’s not what I meant.” He took a breath, listing forward to press his forehead against Teddy’s. “I’ve never been around that kind of violence before. Watching you fighting with Greyback. It scared me, and what I felt when he…” James trailed off without finishing the sentence, reaching out to touch Teddy’s side. Their eyes locked as James whispered. “I thought I was gonna lose you, Teddy. That’s what scared me. Not Greyback using me to break my own table, or him hovering over me threatening the worst thing anyone could ever do to someone, but watching you fall back. Watching you bleed.”

Teddy looked exhausted from the sheer shock of what James had said. Like he couldn’t comprehend that James would be so scared for him. “James…”

“It felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest,” James said. His vision was going out of focus from the tears that filled his eyes before dripping down his cheeks. “I was so scared.”

Teddy seemed to be struggling with what to say, uncertain of what words to use. His expression softened and he lifted his left hand, rubbing away the tears on James’ cheek. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he said. “The last thing I wanted to do was get hurt, but I didn’t want you to get hurt either. I wasn’t paying attention. I was distracted and didn’t notice the danger of my surroundings.” He laughed softly. “I suppose I’m out of practice in regards to police work. I didn’t see the glass, all I saw was you and him. All that mattered was getting him off you and incapacitating him so he couldn’t hurt you anymore.”

“I’m not mad at you,” James said quickly. “I’m happy you’re okay.” He looked between Teddy’s eyes, lifting both hands to cup around the man’s face. “I love you.”

Teddy looked startled, his face going red as his lips parted and he stuttered for a moment. “You... we’ve only been dating for a few days.”

“Yeah, but we’ve been together for a few months now.” James rubbed Teddy’s cheeks with his thumbs. “You were very easy to fall in love with. Really it’s your own fault for being the way you are; so kind, gentle and effortlessly likable.” Teddy’s face had taken on a red shade comparable to a rose, and James couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He rubbed his nose against Teddy’s. “You got me in two months, Teddy. No guy’s ever managed that before.”

“I _ — _ ”

“You don’t have to say it back,” James interrupted. “I didn’t say it to begin with just to manipulate you or anything. I just needed to say it. After seeing you like that, I just needed to say it, because I don’t want to ever lose the chance to say it again.”

Teddy had a small smile on his lips as he stared at James fondly. “You really are the kind of man who wears his heart on his sleeve, aren’t you?”

James hummed. “I think so?”

Teddy laughed, pulling James closer with a hand on the back of his neck. He pressed their foreheads together. “I’m glad. People like you are hard to come by. You’re probably the last of them. The truly kind and genuine. You’re generous with everything you own, even your heart; and I trust you with mine.”

James felt like crying again, as if he’d stopped at all. He laughed, keeping his hands around Teddy’s face as he closed his eyes and kissed him. Teddy didn’t have to say the words, James could feel their power without the verbal confession. He knew Teddy felt the same way. It seemed absurd considering they’d only known each other for a few months, but James wasn’t one to wait when things like this felt right. He was going to chase this feeling for as far and long as he could, without an ounce of fear or uncertainty holding him back. He hoped to everything that Teddy would want to run the whole way at his side.


	15. it's hard for a star to fly so far (when it belongs right in your arms)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teddy's POV

Teddy was lying comfortably in the hospital bed with James at his side. They were situated in such a way that Teddy had his head pillowed against James’ chest, while James stroked his left hand through Teddy’s hair. Their right hands were locked together, their fingers entwined as they laid in silence.

It was a little absurd how safe Teddy felt like this, with his eyes closed as he leaned into James. It wasn’t hard to focus on the sensation of fingers going through his hair, coupled with the occasional set of lips that dropped onto his forehead in a gentle kiss. It was warm in James’ arms, it felt like home. Teddy was calm and relaxed thanks to the medication pumping through him from the IV. He was happy James was there, relieved that he hadn’t been hurt worse. Though he worried about James’ back and head, he was just grateful it was finally over.

He was so at peace that he didn’t even startle when the door opened. James tightened his grip around Teddy, a hand burying into his hair and holding him tight to his chest. Teddy opened his eyes slowly, unconcerned, and looked towards the door. He tried to sit up when he recognized Kingsley standing there with Harry and a few others.

“Kingsley.”

“Don’t get up,” Kingsley chided, walking further into the room, around the bed to stand on Teddy’s left. “You shouldn’t move much.”

James pulled Teddy back, wrapping both arms around him and rubbing his shoulder to sooth him. “Sorry,” Teddy apologized. “What’s been happening? I only just woke up.”

“Greyback is in custody at another hospital. We thought it best not to have him in this one,” Kingsley explained, and Teddy gave a slow nod. “How’s your stomach?”

Teddy slipped his fingers over his side, squinting his eyes and staring away from Kingsley. He unavoidably remembered the terror of his hand bumping against the cold glass stuck into him. It had been replaced with bandages, but the memory _ — _ panic _ — _ was still there. He leaned further into James.

“I can’t feel it right now.”

“That’s good,” Kingsley decided. He reached out to the hand Teddy had on his side, squeezing his fingers. “We’ll have to wait for him to gain consciousness before interrogating him, but he won’t be going free after this.”

Teddy nodded as James lifted a hand. “Question. I didn’t give him any brain damage, right? I hit him pretty hard.”

“I’m not a doctor,” Kingsley smiled, “but he most certainly already had brain damage. I don’t think you made much of a difference. Maybe you actually knocked his head back into place, so good job.”

Teddy could practically feel how pleased James was at that. He turned his head when Harry stepped further into the room, hands in his pockets and looking less amused than Kingsley did.

“That’s a nice thought, but we can’t put a brain dead man in prison.”

“There are brain dead men in parliament, Mr. Potter. What makes this any different?” Kingsley asked. James subtly tightened his grip on Teddy.

“I’m just saying _ — _ ”

“I don’t regret bashing his skull and I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” James quickly interrupted. “Whatever happens, at least he can’t hurt anyone else now.”

Harry winced at that. Teddy lifted a hand to squeeze one of James’, watching out of the corner of his eyes as Albus came further into the room. Two women followed. Likely their mother and sister, Ginny and Lily.

“So what’s the deal?” Lily asked, pointing at James. “Is he your bodyguard, or are you his?”

James just hugged Teddy harder before introducing him. “This is Teddy.”

“Yeah I gathered that much, but that’s not what I asked.”

“I’m not his bodyguard anymore,” Teddy answered for James. “I quit.”

Lily nodded slowly, leaning closer and lifting a hand to shield her mouth. “Is it because he leaves hair gel all over the sink?”

“Hey!”

“Now that you mention it,” Teddy uttered, fighting the smile that threatened to spread across his lips.

“I can hear you!”

“He didn’t quit, Lily, I fired him,” Harry corrected, folding his arms. Lily swayed back on her heels as Teddy eyed Harry.

“I was going to quit, though. You just talked faster than me and fired me before I could.”

Albus looked at Harry, and Teddy could see the sassy remark before it even left his mouth. “You just love having the last word, don’t you King Control?”

Harry glared at Albus as Lily snickered. Ginny pressed her lips tightly together, but she looked like she was struggling not to laugh with her daughter. James raked his fingers through Teddy’s hair soothingly. Teddy’s eyes fluttered as he fought sleep. It was the comfort and warmth that had him going boneless. He didn’t even feel any of the anxiety of meeting the rest of the Potter’s. Thanks to the drugs making his mind duller than usual.

“So he’s not Jamie’s bodyguard anymore?” He heard Lily ask, and Harry answered.

“No.”

“Now he’s just living with James cuz they’re dating,” Albus added, and Lily gave a hum of understanding.

“That would explain a lot.”

“You mean like how he’s falling asleep on James like he’s a pillow?”

“Yeah, it’s cute!”

“Can you two be quiet?” James asked, his voice vibrating in his chest where Teddy had his head nestled. “If he’s falling asleep then let him.”

“Aw, Jamie, we’re just happy you found someone to share a hospital bed with.”

“Piss off, Lil.”

She laughed again, but it was soft enough that Teddy wasn’t bothered by it. He was somehow still completely relaxed as he fell into the in-between of consciousness and sleep. He could feel James’ hand in his hair and Kingsley’s hand still clamped over his. His chest was bursting with warmth. Even the conversation between the Potter’s wasn’t bothering him. It was more like a soothing white noise, a hum of voices luling him deeper into rest, until a sudden knock at the door jerked him from his half consciousness.

James tightened his grip around Teddy’s shoulders to keep him from moving too much. Teddy rolled his head to see the woman standing in the doorway. She was familiar, dressed in black pants and a deep green dress shirt. Her hair was pinned up and worry painted her features, though she offered a smile when everyone turned to her.

“Forgive me for interrupting. I’m looking for Edward Lupin.”

“Mrs. Malfoy?” Albus greeted in confusion. Teddy struggled to sit straighter, watching Astoria’s eyes find Albus before lighting up in recognition.

“Albus, this is where you went off to?” She sounded delighted to see him, walking over with her arms out and hugging him tightly. Albus’ face twisted up like Teddy expected, but he didn’t try to pull away before Astoria. She kept one hand on his shoulder as she backed off and looked at Teddy with a slight frown. “Now, I suppose this explains why you weren’t at your appointment.”

Teddy cringed, leaning on one arm. “I was planning to call you, but a few things got in the way.”

Astoria smiled in understanding, walking closer to the bed. “I figured something had happened. This is the first time you’ve ever missed a day, and while I’m certainly not pleased at where I’ve found you, at least you’re alive.”

Teddy laughed weakly, settling back as Albus pointed to Astoria. “You know her?”

“She’s my psychiatrist,” Teddy explained, and Albus rolled his eyes.

“Should’ve guessed that one.”

“You know her too?” Teddy asked, and James leaned closer to him.

“Albus is dating her son.”

Teddy looked back at him. “Scorpius, right?”

“Right. They’ve been friends since they were eleven and started dating before college.”

“Stop talking about my relationship!” Albus snapped, but his face was beet red in embarrassment. Astoria laughed.

“So you’re here for Teddy?” Harry asked, and Astoria waved a hand at him.

“Of course. I wanted to check in on him. It’s my job after all. Not that I’m not pleased to see you, Harry.” She focused her attention back on Teddy as Harry made a face and Ginny patted his arm. “We can put our appointments on hold until you’ve been released from the hospital, but I expect a call as soon as you’re free.” Astoria waved at Albus, looking incredibly proud. “I have several ways of getting hold of you if I don’t hear from you first.”

“Why am I the middle man?” Albus asked, and Lily leaned towards him.

“You were born that way.”

“I just wanted to stop by and check on you,” Astoria said, giving James a bright smile, “and it’s nice to see you again.”

“Yeah, you too.” James replied enthusiastically. 

Astoria turned away after giving Kingsley a nod, reaching out to Albus’ shoulder. “I have to run now, but will we see you and Scorp at dinner later?”

“Maybe. Depends how things are here.”

“I’m not dying you know,” James reminded him, and Albus gave him a pointed look.

“Maybe not yet.”

“Is that a threat? That sounded like a threat. Teddy, he just threatened my life!”

Teddy hummed as he slipped deeper under the blankets while Astoria laughed and left the room. “That’s nice.”

“Bodyguard of the year,” Lily praised, clapping her hands silently, and James frowned at her.

“For the last time, he’s not my bodyguard anymore.”

“Right, right, he’s your boyfriend now. Congratulations, he’s a score.”

“We should let him sleep now,” Kingsley broke into the conversation, his hand squeezing Teddy’s shoulder. “I’ll be back later. Have one of the nurses contact me if you need me for anything.”

Teddy nodded his head slowly, and Kingsley waved for Harry and Ginny to follow as he made for the door. Ginny took a moment to kiss and hug James before she and Harry followed Kingsley out of the room. Lily wandered up to the bed, hands folded behind her back.

“So I suppose we’ll have to discuss this later, right?” She asked, and James waved a hand. 

“Just ask Albus, he knows what’s going on. Feel free to yell at mum and dad for not telling you after I told them.”

Lily hummed, narrowing her eyes at Albus before looking back at James. “I’ll be sure to bug the hell out of him until he tells me then.”

“I actually have plans later with my boyfriend and his parents,” Albus said, pointing to the door.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. “Nice try.”

“Good night,” James said. Teddy watched the duo leave as Lily elbowed Albus to prompt him into speaking.

When the door shut, Teddy sighed and leaned back against James. He rubbed a hand over his face as James wrapped his arms around him, kissing his cheek. Teddy closed his eyes in response, and James continued to stroke his fingers through his hair.

“For the record, I’m really happy Astoria is your doctor.”

Teddy rubbed James’ thigh. “What do you mean?”

“Just that she’s a really kind person, really cares about people. She’s a great mum too. I trust her with you.”

Teddy chuckled a little, finding James’ hand and squeezing his fingers. “I appreciate that.”

“You should get a bit more sleep,” James urged, and Teddy nodded his head, eyes already closed and halfway back to sleep.

For the duration of their time under medical care, the doctors were able to keep any kind of media away. The paparazzi were certainly curious about the Potter heir and why he was in the hospital. It was no surprise that neighbors saw the ambulance in front of James’ house and decided to call the papers. Teddy was happy no one had bothered them.

According to Kingsley, one photographer snuck into the hospital claiming to be a friend and went straight to the room James had been in previously. Probably hoping to get an invasive photo shoot and interview that would have stressed James to near death. It was just luck that James had decided to join Teddy. He’d been through enough already, the last thing he needed was paparazzi showing up to ask him questions he didn’t want to answer. Or take pictures of him in an extremely vulnerable position.

After that incident, they wrote up a list of names of people who would be allowed through for visits. The times were decided by the doctors themselves who insisted that both Teddy and James needed to rest. While they weren’t too happy about letting them stay in the same room, after the first photographer tried to find James, they decided it would be the best way to keep them safe and maintain their privacy.

They weren’t entirely pleased, but they didn’t argue about it any longer. Teddy and James seemed to rest better when they were together. Lying against James, being able to hear his heartbeat beneath his chest, knowing he was alright, made Teddy feel calmer. He hadn’t seen the bandages on James’ back yet, and hadn’t seen the wound on his head hidden by the plaster, but James never winced and never seemed uncomfortable.

Teddy himself was on a strict schedule of medicine. He stayed hooked up to the IV for the majority of his stay so it was easier to get the drugs into his bloodstream. Where James had mostly mundane wounds like shallow cuts from the glass table, Teddy’s one wound had gone deep. He was lucky the glass hadn’t cut into anything vital, like a kidney or a lung, but it was deep enough to warrant a short surgery and several stitches.

The doctors allowed Teddy to get out of bed if he absolutely needed to, but the wound in his side, though he couldn’t feel it due to the medication, made it nearly impossible to stand and walk. It was as if the injury had seeped all of his strength and energy. Walking exhausted him so drastically that when he was back in bed, he would simply pass out.

Teddy tried to limit his movement as much as possible, which wasn’t a difficult thing to do when all he wanted to do was lounge in the bed with James. He wanted to watch television and relax with James, recovering after their ordeal. Teddy felt like they’d grown closer in just a few days, as if the traumatic event had bonded them more than they were before. Teddy felt like he understood James on a deeper level.

Seeing that James was more than willing to get physically violent in order to protect the people he cared about, the people he loved, was eye opening for Teddy. The man had thicker skin than anyone probably realized, but that thick skin housed such a loving and gentle heart. It was almost overwhelming. Anyone who dared to hurt this man deserved the greatest of punishments. Being bashed over the head wasn’t nearly enough for Greyback. He deserved more than what he got.

The hospital released James from care first, but he didn’t leave the hospital until they’d released Teddy a few days later. An uncomfortable nostalgia washed over Teddy as he stood at the front desk and signed his own release forms. A frown set on his lips as he speed walked through all the other times he’d been in a similar position.

The first time he’d been in the hospital for an extended period of time was after his parents had been murdered. His grandmother had been the one to sign his release forms. Teddy had been clinging to his grandfather at the time, and Kingsley had been standing at his side with a hand on his shoulder.

The second time had been after the bomb had gone off in the bus. He’d signed his own release forms after that incident, but Kingsley had still been there by his side. One hand on his back to help him walk with the crutches he’d been ordered to use.

This would be the third time, and Kingsley was still there, standing to the side with his arms folded as Teddy handed over the paperwork before turning to him. James was already at his side with an arm around his waist, just in case he had difficulty walking.

“I’ll drive you home,” Kingsley said, holding an arm out to lead the couple towards the door. “You may want to hide your faces. Paparazzi have been loitering outside since you were brought here.”

James tightened his grip on Teddy, who looked down to see he was glaring towards the doors. “They can take as many bloody pictures as they want. I have nothing to hide.” His eyes widened almost immediately after speaking, reaching out with his other hand and pressing his palm against Teddy’s chest. “Maybe you should cover your face, though. I don’t want my name or my father’s name putting you in an uncomfortable position simply because you know me.”

“I’m not afraid of cameras, Jamie.” Teddy tried to reassure.

James still seemed uncertain, staying pressed to Teddy’s left like he was trying to protect his wounded side. “Paparazzi can be pretty feral, Ted.”

“I’ve dealt with violent criminals and convicts, I think I can handle a few camera jockeys with too much time on their hands.”

James wasn’t amused, clinging to Teddy’s shirt. “I think I’d rather deal with dangerous convicts.”

Teddy wrapped his arm tightly around James’ shoulders, turning him towards the door. “You’re not embarrassed to be seen with me, are you?” He asked in mock offense, and James snorted.

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about.” He was quiet for a moment before humming, winding his arm even tighter around Teddy. “Actually, you know what…”

Teddy gave him a moment to finish, but he didn’t, so he hummed. “What?”

“Nothing, let’s go. I haven’t showered in ages.”

“Yes, I can tell.”

“Stuff it, Lupin.”

Kingsley chuckled, walking at Teddy’s other side. “You two are perfect for each other.” He moved ahead of Teddy and James to open the door for them. 

The second they stepped outside, Teddy’s vision was blocked by sudden flashes of light from at least fifty cameras. He wasn’t surprised, though. As a matter of fact, he expected more than what he saw, considering who James was. While James said he didn’t care about the cameras or paparazzi, his grip on the back of Teddy’s shirt tightened as the questions started to bombard them as quickly as the flashes of light.

Teddy lifted his hand to James’ shoulder, holding his other hand up to shield James’ face as he turned his head towards Teddy. There wasn’t much they could do about the publicity, and the stress wasn’t good for either of them. Teddy held onto James as Kingsley walked in front of them, leading them towards his car as uniformed officers did their best to hold the reporters back.

Kingsley opened the back door when they reached his car, and Teddy pushed James into the seat first before following. There was no tint on Kingsley’s windows, and Teddy was less than pleased with the faces that were pressing in on them. People holding cameras and notepads, tapping the windows. Teddy leaned over James to lock the door to his left, then locked the door on his right side, just to ensure no lunatic reporters would try to pull James out by force.

Teddy then peeled off his jacket, draping it over James and pulling him closer. He cradled James against the side of his neck so his face and head were hidden from the cameras and eyes pushing against the windows.

“Sorry,” James croaked out in apology, and Teddy shushed him. “I’ve been around cameras and reporters my entire life, but they still blind me.”

“It’s okay, Jamie,” Teddy said softly. “You don’t have to be used to that kind of thing, even if you grew up in it. They’re invading your privacy because they think they’re entitled to it. Just don’t move. You’re okay.”

James nodded against Teddy, who cast a warning glare out the window behind James. Kingsley managed to squeeze into the driver's seat, cursing when he slammed the door shut. Teddy rubbed James’ back, gently to avoid hurting him. His mind wandered as Kingsley started the car and began to drive forward, forcing the people surrounding them to back away.

Before meeting James, Teddy hadn’t paid the Potter family much attention, so he only knew bits and pieces before his initial introduction to Harry. One thing he did remember distinctly was the newspaper and magazine articles that James was occasionally shown in. The paparazzi photos of James always depicted him as swaggering and confident with a grin almost always on his lips. In every single picture Teddy remembered seeing, James looked like the kind of sporty bloke that Teddy would hate to be around. Meeting him face to face proved that magazines and newspaper articles only told part of the story.

James was sauntering and confident, yes, but he was also compassionate and emotional, unfathomably kind and generous. He was protective, loyal and fearlessly, stupidly, recklessly brave. James was so much more than what pictures in gossip magazines showed. It was unfair that so many people in London, and the entire country most likely, had the same backwards assumptions that Teddy used to.

Their loss, he supposed.

Teddy pulled his coat off James when they’d parked in front of the house, letting him slip out of the car first and following after. He pressed one hand to his side as he stood up and pulled his coat back on, watching as James looked around the area.

“No cameras here,” he noted, and Kingsley hummed.

“Plenty of cars, though.” Teddy said, and Kingsley waved at the house.

“Mr. Potter thought it best to clean up before you got home. There was a lot of glass on the floor; and some blood as well. Others from your family are here. Which reminds me.” Kingsley looked at Teddy. “Your nan called me, she heard what happened on the news.”

“The news?” Teddy gaped, and Kingsley stuck his hands into his pockets.

“Well I certainly didn’t tell her. That woman scares me to death.”

“That doesn’t exactly give me much confidence towards telling her I’m dating Teddy,” James said, and Kingsley shrugged.

“She’ll probably like you. Teddy’s had worse boyfriends, and you protected him.”

“Yeah I did such a good job,” James mumbled.

Teddy wrapped an arm around him. “You did. It could have been a lot worse had you not used Greyback’s head as a pinata. It could’ve been worse for both of us.”

James kept his head down, pressed to Teddy’s side. Teddy tried not to jump when they stepped inside and a group of people greeted them loudly. It was suddenly overwhelming. Teddy didn’t recognize the majority of them. He saw Harry, Ginny, Lily and Albus, but the others he wasn’t sure about. While he wanted to stay at James’ side, he decided to pull away to allow the man’s family to greet and fawn over him. He shuffled a polite distance away while Kingsley closed the door and joined him.

“The whole family, huh?” Teddy asked with a smile as a woman with curly brown hair, an aunt no doubt, came up to James and framed his face between her hands, squishing his cheeks.

“Some of them,” Kingsley replied, a hand on Teddy’s back. “I doubt all of them would be able to fit in here. It’s a big place, but not big enough for all of them.”

“Impressive.”

“I’ve had the chance to talk to some of them since you two were put in the hospital. This is a very tight knit family, and they’re all very kind.”

Teddy nodded slowly, but didn’t give a verbal response as he watched James wiggle out of his aunt’s grasp.

“I’m fine, seriously! It wasn’t even that bad, I don’t know what dad told you! Dad what did you tell everyone?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “The truth.”

“Thanks a lot for that!”

“We were just worried,” the same aunt insisted. “Grandma and grandpa don’t know yet of course, we thought it would be best not to worry them since you weren’t in the hospital for too long.”

“I’m perfectly fine, all my injuries were shallow and are almost healed already.”

“Uh-huh.” A taller man with red hair and scars on his face reached out to grab the top of James’ head, pushing his bangs up to show off the bandage on his temple. “We can tell.”

James swatted at him to get his hand off. “That’s nothing! Teddy got it a lot worse than I did. He was protecting me, so he got hurt  _ way  _ worse.” James talked as he walked quickly over to where Teddy was standing, grabbing onto his arm as if trying to present him to the family.

Teddy felt immediately flustered at the eyes that locked on him, and the scarred man waved a hand to him. “This is your bodyguard, right? Harry said he hired someone.”

“Fired,” Harry added. “I fired him.”

“What for?” The question came from the man standing closest to Harry, just a bit shorter than the first but with similar red hair, no scars on his freckled face. “Did he really do that terrible of a job?”

“Well, no.”

“Why’d you hire a bodyguard who can’t guard?”

“Teddy saved my life,” James insisted as Harry smacked his friend’s shoulder with a fist.

“I fired him before the incident happened, and he was going to quit anyway.”

A young woman with short cut auburn hair gave a slow nod and a hum, looking at Teddy sympathetically. “Did you get tired of dealing with all the hair products?”

Teddy felt bewildered at the question. “I think you’re the third person to ask about the hair product.”

“I don’t even use that much!” James shrilled.

“Who are you anyway? A cop? Where’d Harry find you?” The man beside Harry asked, and Teddy looked at him.

“No, I’m not a cop. I’m retired, actually.”

“So you used to be a cop?”

“For a while.”

“What made you retire?”

Teddy flinched at the question, and James tightened his grip around his arm. “Why’s that important, uncle?”

The man shrugged with his hands, “Just curious.”

Teddy held his breath before answering as best he could. “There was a case that put me in a position where I couldn’t work under the same stress as before, so I had to retire.”

“The nosy prick asking questions is my uncle Ron,” James introduced, and Teddy fought the smile trying to form on his lips as James glared at his uncle.

“Nice to meet you.”

“So you fired him before he could quit?” Ron asked Harry, who gave a nod.

“Yeah.”

“Why’d he want to quit?”

Harry looked exhausted at the question. “Take a wild fucking guess.”

Ron hummed. “Is it because you’re a tyrannical boss?”

“What? No!”

“You look familiar,” a woman standing beside the tall redhead was squinting at Teddy. She had silvery blonde hair and pale eyes, and her voice was heavy with an accent Teddy couldn’t quite place.

“Um.”

“He does, doesn’t he?” The scarred man asked, and James turned to whisper to Teddy so the others couldn’t hear him over their own pondering.

“My uncle Bill and aunt Fluer.”

“Ah.”

“Next to Ron is my aunt Hermione, and that’s my cousin Dominique. My other cousins are likely working or at school.” His eyes suddenly lit up. “Oh, maybe not all of them.”

“What?”

Teddy’s eyes widened in surprise when someone barreled into him, forcing him to stagger back a few steps and move his hands to the person’s shoulders. Small arms were wrapped tightly around his waist, and a face pressed into his stomach uncomfortably close to his wounded side. Looking down he saw a head of red hair, and gaped at James, who was beaming in delight.

“I did wonder if she’d recognize you.”

“I’m so sorry!” Teddy turned his shocked eyes to a man standing next to Bill, wearing glasses and surprisingly familiar. “She’s never done that before!”

Teddy felt a head rush of memories before beginning to relax. One hand moved to the top of the girl’s head as he looked down and urged her back. She clung to him, eyes wide and watery. Teddy crouched down, wincing from the pull at his side, and smiled when he was eye level with the girl.

“It’s nice to see you again,” he said, and the girl’s lips twisted in a pout as tears fell down her face. “You got bigger since I last saw you.”

She sniffed and lurched forward to wrap her arms around Teddy’s neck in a hug. Teddy laughed softly as he wrapped his arms around her. James stood over them, looking pleased.

“You remember him, Lu?” He asked, crouching down beside them. Lucy merely nodded against Teddy’s shoulder.

“Remember?” Percy _ — _ Teddy remembered him now _ — _ asked, lowering his arms and looking at James in confusion.

James just smiled at him. “This is Edward Lupin,” he introduced, one hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “He wasn’t just a cop, he was a Detective Inspector of Scotland Yard. He retired two years ago.”

Percy’s eyes went wide in shock and realization. Teddy tried to focus on Lucy, who was watching him in awe.

“You were the cop from that day?” Percy asked, and Teddy looked at him before tearing his eyes away, giving a nod.

“I was.”

“What?” Harry asked, and Teddy distantly heard Percy jumbling out an explanation about the bus, the bomb, and how Teddy saved Lucy’s life. When Harry gave a sceptic response, Kingsley was quick to counter his doubt with an addition of his own.

Teddy didn’t care about their conversation though, observing Lucy as closely as she was observing him. She reached a hand out, and Teddy tensed up when she touched the scar on his neck. James held his arm as if to steady him, knowing Teddy wasn’t comfortable with people touching or even looking at the scar, but he couldn’t find it in him to push Lucy away.

She was just a kid after all. She didn’t know better. Eight years old now? Or nine? Teddy couldn’t remember what James had said.

“Did I do that?” Lucy asked, and Teddy shook his head.

“There was a lot of fire.” He explained, and Lucy pouted.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore.”

“But did it before?”

Teddy didn’t want to answer, but he also didn’t want to lie. He smiled softly. “A little, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I was a cop, remember. I’m tough.”

Lucy nodded as if that was the only explanation she would agree with, pulling her hand away and digging something from her pocket. She held it out for Teddy, who was startled to realize it was his handkerchief. The one he’d used to mop up Lucy’s tears on the bus before pushing her out the window. It was absurdly yellow with pink stitching. A gag gift that Kingsley had given him to tease him for the striking colors he would dye his hair when he was still in school. He’d actually forgotten that he’d given it to Lucy, but the fact she still had it made his heart ache.

“It’s my good luck charm,” she said, holding it out. “Here.”

Teddy just smiled more, lifting a hand to push the handkerchief closer to her. “Keep it. I’ve got all the luck I need.” Teddy turned his head to smile at James, who blushed.

Lucy seemed delighted, laughing and clinging to the handkerchief as she barreled forward to get closer. She hugged both Teddy and James. Teddy instinctively hugged her back, though he felt flustered. James hugged Lucy so tight that she gave a squawk of protest and shifted around to get more comfortable in the embrace.

Maybe it was the drugs still in Teddy’s system, but some absolutely insane part of his brain was suddenly imagining a little girl or boy tucked between him and James. Sharing both their names, hugging and laughing with them. His mind was spinning, and he struggled to get to his feet after Lucy pulled away. James took his arm and helped him stand, looking startled.

“Ted?”

“I should lie down,” Teddy said, and James nodded his head firmly. 

He wrapped an arm around Teddy’s waist, dragging Teddy’s arm around his shoulders before looking over at his family. “I’ll be back. Make yourselves at home I guess.”

“Can I go too?” Lucy asked, and James grinned at her.

“Sorry, Lu, but it’s Teddy’s naptime now. Aren’t you too old for nap time?” Lucy puffed her cheeks out. Teddy laughed breathlessly as James helped him walk down the hall into his bedroom.

James eased Teddy onto the bed, and Teddy reached down to press a hand against his side, grunting. James pulled his shoes off before dragging the covers over him, hovering above Teddy and sitting on the edge of the bed as he stroked back his hair.

“That went well,” he said, and Teddy shut his eyes, focusing on the gentle touch on his forehead. “I think they liked you. After my uncle explained how he knew you, my dad looked close to tears. They’ll be psyched when I tell them we’re dating.”

Teddy opened his eyes when James pulled his hand back, lifting an arm to stop James before he could move away. “I love you too,” he said. James’ eyes widened in surprise. “I don’t know how it happened, or where it came from, but I do, James. I love you.”

James looked lost and overwhelmed. He leaned closer to Teddy, framing his face between his hands. He kissed Teddy hard and laughed against his mouth, rubbing their noses together and staring at Teddy with watery, adoring eyes.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Saying it back,” James clarified. “I already knew, I could see it in your eyes, but hearing it out loud is different, you know?” He kissed Teddy again, softer this time. “You don’t have to say it all the time of course.”

Teddy stroked a hand through the back of James’ hair. “One memory I have of my parents that sticks out the most is how often my mother would tell my father she loved him.” James looked curious at that, watching Teddy as he smiled softly. “He had scars,” Teddy drew his thumb down James’ cheek, “so she would kiss them, treating them like they were worth as much as my father. A part of him that made him whole. She would kiss them and tell him she loved him. All the time. Every day. I will too, because I know how easy it is to forget that you’re loved. It’s important. This is important.”

James had an unreadable expression in his eyes, whispering, “You don’t have to, though. I already know.”

“I want to be sure,” Teddy said in a soft voice of his own, and James closed his eyes, hiding his face against Teddy’s chest.

“I love you too.”

Teddy wound his arms around James, pondering the absurdity of their meeting leading to this, and feeling luckier than he ever had before in his life. He fell asleep with James in his arms, curled against his chest like a weighted blanket, warmer than the sun itself.


	16. Chapter Song List

**Title Song:** _Push My Luck_ \- The Chainsmokers

 **Chapter 1:** _To Die For_ \- Sam Smith

 **Chapter 2:** _Bishop's Knife Trick_ \- Fall Out Boy

 **Chapter 3:** _Almost (Sweet Music)_ \- Hozier

 **Chapter 4:** _Gone, Gone, Gone_ \- Phillip Phillips

 **Chapter 5:** _TALK ME DOWN_ \- Troye Sivan

 **Chapter 6:** _Anchor_ \- Skillet

 **Chapter 7:** _Forever Yours_ \- Kygo, Avicii, Sandro Cavazza

 **Chapter 8:** _Freaking Me Out_ \- Ava Max

 **Chapter 9:** _Kiss The Boy_ \- Keiynan Lonsdale

 **Chapter 10:** _Money, Fame & Fortune_ \- The Goo Goo Dolls

 **Chapter 11:** _The Last of the Real Ones_ \- Fall Out Boy

 **Chapter 12:** _Heaven Knows_ \- Five for Fighting

 **Chapter 13:** _Hesitate_ \- Jonas Brothers

 **Chapter 14:** _In Your Arms_ \- ILLENIUM ft. X Ambassadors

 **Chapter 15:** _What Home Feels Like_ \- The Afters


End file.
